Break Me Like a Promise
by addisongrace22
Summary: Things were so perfect. And then suddenly they weren't. What happens when fate brings them back together six years later?
1. The Beginning of Everything

**I know I told you guys that this was going to be a Linstead college AU and that's still kind of true, but once I started really thinking about it I decided to take it into a different direction. That said, it is still very AU and it is still very different than what I usually write. But nonetheless, I hope you guys enjoy it. Happy reading!**

 **As usual, I apologize for any errors that I may have missed.**

* * *

 **June 17, 2011**

 **Erin POV**

I'm happy. Happier than I think I've ever been. I did it. I really did it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life and it's perfect. It's warm, but not too hot as a smooth breeze rolls over the crowd, chirping birds filling the brief moments of silence.

I giggle nervously as I clutch the hand of my best friend Kat London as we stand next to the platform, waiting anxiously for them to call our names, navy blue gowns draping to our feet and our caps placed firmly atop our heads. It's a damn good things our last names are so close together, we met that way when our uptight professor sat us in alphabetical order on the first day of Psych. But thank God for him, we've been inseparable ever since.

"Erin Lindsay, graduating from the College of Education with a Bachelor of Science in Education with a minor in Psychology," I hear from the announcer on stage, Kat squeezes my hand before shrieking and clapping like a crazy person, the pride written all over her face as I ascend up the stairs to receive my diploma.

As I approach the podium, I hear the familiar voice screaming my name. It doesn't take very long for me to figure out who it is, the woman who has taken on the role of my mother, Camille Voight.

I glance out into the crowd to see and Hank, both clapping and screaming like crazy people, their son Justin next to them, clapping politely, though a smug look is drawn across his face. I don't care, not even he can ruin this day. On the other side of Camille, cheering just as loud is my boyfriend of almost four years, Jay Halstead. There is a smile as big as the world painted across his face. I told him that he didn't need to come, he had graduated last year and I felt bad about making him make the drive down from Chicago all the way to UIUC. But he said the same thing that Camille and Hank said, that he wouldn't miss it for the world.

And as they put that piece of paper into my hands and I shake Dean Evan's hand, I'm glad they're here. All of them.

* * *

"We did it Linds!" Kat shrieks as she throws her arms around me, her gown unzipped, showing the bright red dress beneath. "We are college graduates,"

"That we are," I say, not wanting to bring down Kat's level of excitement, but not quite ready to match it. It's been that way since day one. While neither of us are introverted by any means, but Kat was definitely louder. She was always the one dragging us out to parties and making sure that I didn't bury myself with studying, though I would have if she'd let me.

"Now I'm sad," She says with a joking frown, "we don't get to live together anymore,"

"Oh be quiet," I gently scold her for bringing down the mood, "It's not like we won't see each other, you're only going out to Barrington, it's not that far of a drive from Lake View,"

"I know, but it still means that I have to get in the car and drive before I can come steal your clothes," She says with a bit of a smirk, her green eyes shining.

"Oh that's what this is about," I say, a look of false hurt among my face.

"Oh yeah, did you think I was going to miss you?" She jokes.

"I'll be too busy wrangling six year olds to miss you Kat," I tell her. I'd done my semester of student teaching with a third grade teacher and at that same school, one of their first grade teachers was retiring and I was lucky enough to be offered that job earlier this spring.

"Well, Maggie Daley Elementary's incoming first graders better brace themselves because Ms. Lindsay takes no prisoners." She says with a laugh.

"Oh yeah, such a hard ass," I joke. I don't even see her coming, but our banter is interrupted as Camille throws her arms around me, engulfing me in a very tight bear hug.

"You did it," She whispers in my ear, her graying blonde curls brushing against my face as I breathe in the familiar scent of her perfume. I've always loved how she smelled. I couldn't ever tell you what it was, but she smelled like home.

"I wouldn't have been able to do it without you," I say as she releases me from the hug, taking my face between her hands and peering through me with those bright blue eyes.

"I have a feeling that you would have figured something out," She says with a smile. She and Hank, they've been the only people my entire life to have complete and blind faith in me. It's been that way for the last seven years, since the day they took me in when I was fifteen. She thinks that I could have gotten here on my own, but I know that I'd probably be cold and dead in the ground if it wasn't for them. No not probably, definitely. They saved my life, I have no doubt about it.

"Just, thank you," I tell her honestly.

"No need baby girl," She says before almost passing me off to Hank.

"Congrats kid," He says with a smile, the pride almost radiating off of him. I know that he won't do anything close to what Camille just did, it's not how he does things, but I know he's just as proud of me.

"Thanks Hank," I saw with a grin. All I've ever wanted to do is make him proud and today I think I've done that.

"Okay pictures!" Camille interrupts. "Kat get in there,"

"Alright alright I'm coming," She says throwing her hands up in the air in defense. I smile over at her, looping my arm around her shoulders as she does the same, the smooth material of the gowns hot under the Illinois summer sun.

"Okay say cheese!" She exclaims over at us.

"Cheese!" We both say back to her, flashing huge toothy smiles as the camera flashes before us. My whole family adores Kat. She came from out of state and her parents actually live in Maine, so she couldn't always make it back home for break. But that was to my gain because usually, it meant that I got to bring her home with me. Very quickly, just as they had taken me in all those years ago, Kat was welcomed into the family with open arms. The same thing happened for Jay, although it did take a little bit longer. Hank was more than skeptical about any boy that I brought around. Especially one that was older than me.

"I'm going to go find my parents, you good?" She asks after Camille finishes her bombardment of pictures.

"Yeah, I'll meet you back at the apartment later okay?" I offer.

"Okay, love you," She says puckering her lips and shooting me a comical kiss, something we've been doing for years.

"Love you too," I say with a laugh as she walks off in search of her parents.

"Okay Justin, get in there with Erin," Camille says. I knew she was going to do this, take about a million photos. But I won't fight her on it. Today belongs to them as much as it does me. I notice Jay holding his distance, standing under one of the trees. I want to run over there and jump him, but I know that I have to do the whole thing with my family first. He'll have to wait. I give him a quick nod and I know that he understands. I mouth a quick apology to him, but he waves me off. He knows how important this is to all of them.

"Mom do I have to?" He whines. I know that he had a swim meet this weekend and I really would not have minded that much if he had gone to that, but Hank and Camille insisted. He was not happy about it.

"Yes Justin you do," She insists, her voice becoming increasingly stern as Justin stomps over to me.

"C'mere," I say with a wide grin, pulling him into my side in the hope to get at least one good photo with the boy who I'd taken on a sort of a little brother. He's a bit of a douche, but he's seventeen and I love him, although I can't stand him most days. We smile quickly and Jay comes over just as the flash goes off.

"Hey babe," I say, giving him a quick kiss, enough to satisfy both of us for now, but not enough to set off Hank.

"You did it," He tells me, that same grin from earlier not moving from his face. I open my mouth to respond, only to be interrupted by Hank.

"Halstead get your ass over here and make yourself useful," He barks. "I want at least one good photo of the entire family, you can steal Erin away later,"

"Yes sir," He responds, giving me a playful glance as Camille hands the camera over to him and Hank and Camille fall in line on either side of me, Justin pulled into Hank's side.

"Justin c'mon, give me at least one good smile," Jay asks as he focuses the camera, squinting in the sunlight. Justin scowls but Jay doesn't say anything else, just smiles over at me, so I guess he complied.

"Get in there," Camille says with a smile as she takes the camera back from Jay, "you're stupid if you thought you were getting out of here without a few photos,"

"I would expect nothing less Camille," He says with a smile as he takes their place, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in close to his side. "You look damn good," he whispers in my ear, sending shock waves through my body as Camille snaps the photos.

"Let's head over to Big Grove," Hank intercepts, referring to my favorite restaurant in town. We'd come across it when Camille and Hank had brought me down here for the first time when we'd toured the campus and it's become an odd tradition. I don't think there's been a single time they came down to see me that was completed without a trip to the tavern.

"Can I ride with Jay?" I ask, for some reason feeling again like I'm sixteen and need to ask permission for everything.

"Go ahead baby," Camille tells me with a smile, "we'll find you when we get there okay?"

"Thanks," I say with a grin. "I'll see you there you okay,"

"Be safe," Hank warns.

"Always," Jay promises. He waits until they're gone before he grabs me and kisses me. For real this time, not a quick peck. A kiss. The kind of kiss that makes you forget that you're standing in a crowd of students and families. The kind of kiss that makes you think that you're the only two people in the world. He's been kissing me like that since the very start.

"You know how proud of you I am?" He asks, taking my hand as we walk back toward his car.

"I mean if it's the same way I felt last year when I watched you walk across that stage, then yeah. I might have a bit of an idea," I say with a smirk.

"Well all I know is that Erin Lindsay, she's got a college degree. And the world better watch out, because my girl is coming in hot,"

* * *

 **Jay POV**

I can feel that ring burning a hole in my pants. I've had it there all day, waiting for the right moment to ask her. I'd talked to Camille and Hank about it a couple of weeks ago and they both had given me the go ahead.

I've known that I've wanted to marry Erin for some time now. A long time. I would have asked two years ago if I didn't think she'd freak out and run. But now, she's finally out of college and I feel like we're ready. Well I've been ready, but she is. At least I hope.

As I look over to the woman sitting next to him, singing along to a song on the radio without a care in the world. She's let her hair fall back to it's natural state, soft golden waves falling to just beneath her chin and her big hazel eyes filled with joy. Every time I see her, it reaffirms my belief that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, only her.

The dinner was nice, it was supposed to be about Erin, but the selfless girl that she it, she quickly steered the conversation to literally everyone else. She's never liked to talk about her, it's one of the things that drew me to her originally. A lot of the girls I had met always wanted to talk about themselves, but that was almost never the case with Erin.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom, I'll be back in a sec okay," I say, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before excusing.

"Alright," She responds, scooting her chair away from me and allowing a route out. Erin's taken me here a few times, so I know where the bathroom is. There's a line starting from just within the door, which is unusual but not unexpected today. It seems like half the university is here with their friends and family.

I grab my phone out of my pocket, taking the time to check my email and make sure I don't have anything from work.

I feel the blood drain my face as I see the sender on the newest one. United States Army. I haven't heard from them since my last tour when I was nineteen years old. I take a deep breath and open it, knowing damn well what will be inside but hoping to dear God that I'm wrong.

I'm not.

I can't do this. Not now. The last time I was deployed, I had near nothing to lose. It was just me. My mom was dead, my dad was gone, and Will was in college. It was just me. But it's not just me this time. It's me and Erin.

I can't do this to her. Last time I became a Ranger and I loved my job. At least I thought I did. But day by day, it got uglier and the things we saw got exponentially worse. When I came back, I was a shell of my former self. It took me a long time to get back to who I was and I know that I won't ever really get back to who I used to be. I can't put her through that. And I know Erin, even if I were to come back and everything was fine, she would have spent every waking moment of those 18 months, worried sick that something had happened to me. She's a worrier and she cares harder than anybody I've ever met.

Worse than that, there is always the chance that I don't come back. I don't even want to think about that. It'll break her. I know it will. She's had a hard life and she's struggled with addiction among so many other things, she didn't hide that from me. I know that all of that was triggered by trauma. Deep and painful trauma. I can't be the one to do that to her again. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have to do something.

* * *

"Hey what took you so long?" Erin asks as I sit back down to the table, making sure to keep my facial expression happy. I don't want to ruin this day for her. It's her day.

"There was a line at the bathroom," I explain, leaving out the entirety of the part about the Army. I smile over at her, placing my hand on the smooth skin of her knee.

"Well Hank paid the bill, so we can head out."

"Camille and I are going to take Justin back to the hotel," Hank tells me, "Would you mind dropping Erin off at the apartment?"

"I wouldn't mind at all," I say as I give her knee a squeeze, both of us knowing that I wouldn't just be dropping her off. Until I figured out what to do, I had to act like everything was completely normal. And for us, that's normal.

"Alright then, let's go," Camille says, grabbing her purse from beside her before the five of us quickly make our way out of the crowded restaurant.

"Hank," I say as we exit, the slight humidity hitting me with a rush. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"What's up?" He asks, quick to respond. Erin and Camille look at each other with a concerned look before Erin glances over at me.

"Don't worry, I'll be quick," I assure her as I toss her my keys, "I'll meet you in the car in a minute okay,"

"Okay," She says uneasily.

"You too Cami," Hank says as he does the same, "I'll be there in a minute," She gives him a quick nod before taking the keys and ushers Justin towards Erin.

"Okay what's going on?" Hank asks.

"I got an email from the Army today, during dinner. They're deploying me back to Afghanistan, I ship out in six days,"

"Okay," He says, running his thumb down the side of his jaw. "Have you talked to Erin?"

"No, I just found out maybe ten minutes ago. I wanted to talk to you first," I tell him. I can see the surprise on his face.

"I'm not your girlfriend Halstead," He tells me.

"I know, but you know her and I don't know what to do,"

"What do you mean you don't know what to do? You have to tell her," He demands.

"I don't want to," I say quietly.

"What the hell does that mean? Are you just going to disappear?" He asks. I can see his possible anger at me beginning to form. Erin is one of the most important people to him. He would run to the ends of the earth and throw himself off a cliff if it meant protecting that girl. That's something that we share. But when we butt heads, especially over Erin, it doesn't usually end well.

"I don't know. But the last thing I want to do is have her worrying for the next year and half that something has happened to me. Or for her to have to deal with my demons when I come back,"

"She should be able to make the choice for herself, you don't get to make it for her,"

"What if I don't come back?" I say. "Would if I die over there? We both know how she is, she's strong and stubborn as hell, she wouldn't ask anyone for help and it would break her,"

"So are you going to leave her? Is that what happening? Halstead two weeks ago, you were ready to propose to her," He says. I take a deep breath. I still would. I want to marry her, so badly. But this is a roadblock, one I'm not sure that we can make it past.

"Maybe,"

"Have you thought about that? You might not be dead, but you'd still be pulling the rug out from under her. What if that's the sledgehammer that forces her back to the way she used to be," That's when I had an idea. It was drastic and I knew that Hank wasn't going to like it. He wasn't going to like it at all.

"I'm going to tell her I cheated on her," I say abruptly.

"What?" I can see the fury blazing in his eyes.

"If I tell her that I cheated on her, she won't miss me. She'll hate me."

"Halstead…"

"Just listen to me, please. I would so much rather have her hating me for the rest of our lives, rather than have me be the reason that she shatters into a million pieces."

"I don't like it," He says plainly.

"I know, neither do I. but I don't know what else to do," I confess.

"You could just tell her," He offers.

"No," I tell him, a lump rising in the back of my throat. "When I was living on base, I saw what those wives went through. I don't want her going through that, ever."

"You really are doing this for her, aren't you?" He says, his gravely voice softening.

"Of course," I respond, slightly concerned that he was only now picking up on that. Had I not been clear enough that this was all for her?

"You're a good guy Halstead,"

"Thank you sir,"

"But I have to ask, why? Why are you willing to go through all of this?"

"That's easy, I love her. I love her more than I love life itself and I know that's it's going to hurt at first, it's going to hurt like hell. But in the end, she gets out and she's okay. That's all that matters," I tell him honestly, my heart breaking in my chest as the prospect of having to live without her becomes all the more real.

"That's all I needed to hear. I have your back,"

"Please don't tell Camille about any of this," I ask.

"I don't lie to my wife, but I won't bring it up," He tells me. I should have known that that was what he was going to say. But it's better than nothing.

"That's fair," I say. "But nothing to Erin. Please."

"Okay, I can do that," He concedes.

"Make sure that she's okay, please," I beg him. I may be leaving, but I still want eyes on Erin. I care about her, that won't chance.

"I'll watch out for her, don't worry about that. Just stay alive." He tells me.

"I'll try my best," I say as I shake his hand. "I better get back to Erin," I say. I know that I'll be feeling guilty about this all night, but I have to pretend that everything is normal until I figure out how to do this.

"Alright," He says I take off. "Halstead," He says, stopping me in my tracks.

"Yeah?" I answer, nervous as to what is going to come out of Hank Voight's mouth.

"If you ever need a job, get your ass to the 21st and we'll take care of you okay?" He promises me.

"Thank you sir," I say.

"Don't even mention it,"

* * *

I peer over at the beautiful girl lying down next to me, her eyelids covering those gorgeous hazel eyes. It hurts, bad, knowing that last night was the last night that I'd spend sleeping next to Erin Lindsay. She'll hate me by the time the falls asleep tonight.

I've been so worked up about this whole Erin thing that I haven't even had time to worry about the fact that I'm shipping out again. And I notice Erin's eyes opening up, so I won't be worrying about it right now either.

"Hey babe," She says, her already raspy voice thick with sleep. "How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty damn well," I lie, careful to keep her mood up. If we're being honest, I barely slept a wink.

"Good I'm glad," She says. "I mean I think I did a pretty good tiring you out,"

"Well that you did do," I say with a seductive grin. "But you do have brunch with Camille, Hank and Justin in like thirty minutes,"

"Crap really!" She exclaims jumping out of bed, grabbing a flannel from the floor and wrapping it around her naked body.

"Yeah sorry, I guess we overslept. But it's 10:02 and you told them 10:30,"

"Shit, shit, shit shit," She exclaims as she runs through her bedroom,grabbing last night's bra from off the floor. "Where the hell is that dress?"

"The light blue button up one?" I tease, seeing it hanging in the closet, probably right where she left it.

"Yes!" She yells.

"It's right there babe." I tell her with a laugh.

"Don't make fun of me, I'm late!" She exclaims back me, pulling the dress of the hanger and slipping it over her head.

"You'll be fine," I assure her. "Erin you're never late,"

"Well we're getting pretty damn close," She says back to me as she pulls up a pair of underwear and grabs a pair of tan sandals from the floor.

"You'll be fine," I say singsongy in my attempt to change her mind.

"How's my hair?" She asks, completely ignoring my statement.

"It looks fine," I tell her as I pull on a pair of boxers.

"You would say that either way," She claims.

"You're right, but really it looks fine," I assure her with a laugh.

"I don't believe you," She says back to me as she runs a hairbrush through her hair. "Okay I'm going to do my makeup at stoplights and in the parking lot and then I should be okay,"

"You'd look fine without it," I tell her with a grin.

"Shut up," She says teasingly as she grabs a bag from a hook on the wall. "Are you good here? I want to spend some time with them, so I should be back around noon? Maybe 12:30?"

"Yeah it's fine," I tell her as she runs into the bathroom to brush her teeth, though internally knowing that I have have an hour and a half maybe two to figure out what the hell I'm going to do. She doesn't do a very good job, because less than thirty seconds later she's running back into the bedroom to grab her phone.

"Hey," I stop her before she runs out the door. "C'mere,"

"Jay I'm going to be late," She whines, though complaining as she comes over to me. I plant a kiss on those perfect perfect lips as I look into her eyes.

"I love you," I tell her, those words holding more meaning than usual, though she doesn't know that.

"Okay, I love you too," She says, a little weirded out. "I'll see you later okay?"

"Okay," I say softly as I watch her leave. I ponder what I'm going to do for maybe the next half hour. That's when I it comes to me. I'll do it in a letter. I know that it's the most textbook douche bag thing to do, but if I do it in person, she's going to want details. Details that I won't be able to provide as I'm making the whole thing up. I'm making this whole thing up to protect her. That's just what I have to keep telling myself, that's the only way to keep me from backing out.

The whole thing ends up being pretty short, taking up less than a sheet of the stationary that Erin and Kat keep on one of the kitchen counter tops. Erin always thought it was ridiculous, but it made Kat feel like they were put together. I chuckle at the memory, they'd had this great debate when I'd come down to Urbana-Champaign a few months ago and Kat had dragged the two of us on a double date with another one of her conquest. They debated the freaking stationary for over fifteen minutes and the guy, I think his name may have been Chad, well whatever his name was, he was so goddamn confused as to why I thought this was so funny. But it was so perfectly them. Today however, Kat was nowhere to be found. I can only assume that she went home with some guy from a party.

But I can feel tears starting to form in back of my eyes as I seal the envelope and print her name on the front, a slight curl on the tail end of the N. I think about the ring, locked in the glove compartment and hidden behind bunch of papers. She won't ever wear that ring. She'll never even see it. This is it. This is the end of us.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

I unlock the front door of the apartment with a smile on my face. I can't wait to tell Jay what went down at brunch. Justin has this girlfriend Penny that he brought home and apparently Camille absolutely hates her, something she was not afraid to hide much to the dismay of Justin and to the amusement of Hank.

"Jay you aren't going to believe what Camille said at lunch," I say with a laugh as I push open the front door. There's no response. That's weird. He didn't mention that he was going anywhere. "Jay!" I call, walking through the various rooms of the apartment, calling out his name. It's not like there's that much room to cover. He's not here. I don't know where he would have gone though.

I retreat to the kitchen, pulling out my cell phone from my bag and going to dial his number when I see the letter sitting in the center of the counter, my name scrawled out on the front. In his handwriting. Confused, I take the envelope and rip open the seal.

 _Dear Erin,_

 _I am so sorry, I didn't want this to ever happen, but it did and I have to own up to it. I cheated on you. I was drunk, it was a one time thing and I know that's not an excuse, but you have to know that if I was in my right frame of mind I would never have done this to you. I wanted to stay and try to make this work, but you deserve so much more than me. I'm sorry. I love you._

 _-Jay_

Tears flow down my face, but not tears of sadness. These are hot and angry tears. How could he do this to me? I thought he loved me? He did love me, I know he did. My doubt quickly manifests into anger. I did nothing wrong, this is on him. He was the one who ruined things. He was the one who walked out. He was the one who ended it. He ended it the very day that he brought that other girl home, whoever she may be. But all I know is, I want absolutely nothing to do with him ever again.

* * *

 **Six Years Later**  
 **April 10, 2017**

 **Erin POV**

"Happy Birthday Erin," I hear as I look up from the pile of spelling tests in front of me. I smile as I see two of my best friends Celia May and Emily Landry, a small plate of red velvet cupcakes on a plate in front of them and candle burning in the center one.

"You guys," I say sheepishly, "I told you guys not to do anything for my birthday,"

"Well have we ever really been ones to listen?" Emily says with a huge smile. "Besides did you really think I was going to pass up an opportunity to break out the Ballard family red velvet recipe?"

"You got me there," I say with a chuckle. Em and I have been close since the day I started teaching here six years ago. Originally it was just the two of us, but two years after I started they had to add a third class and then came in Celia. The three of us have had a weird, but special bond ever since then.

"See, so really you are simply doing her a favor!" Celia adds in with a smile.

"Make a wish Er," Emily says with a smile. I close my eyes and blow out the candles and wish for the same thing that I do every year. Celia claps and cheers as the flames flies away.

"Well these are pretty fantastic," I say with after taking a bit of the cupcake.

"Nothing beats southern baking," She adds in, her slight accent seeming all the more pronounced.

"Okay yeah southern baking, but let's get down to it. We've got to talk fast because the bell is going to ring in like nine minutes and we have to go down to get the kids in like four," Celia rambles. "But do you have a hot date tonight?"

I almost laugh at the prospect.

"Uh does Winston count?" I say with a big of a laugh. Since I started fostering him about four weeks ago, he's been my number one friend.

"Erin how many times do I have to tell you that your pit bull does not count as a date!" She exclaims, throwing one hand up in the air, the other one firmly planted around her cupcake.

"Let her be," Emily insists, placing a calming hand on Celia's shoulder. "I'm sure that Erin will have a grand old time with that dog, besides he's pretty dang cute," I raise my eyebrows and smirk at Celia as Emily reiterates my point.

"Well I'm going out to dinner with my dad, but then I'm coming home and watching like four episodes of Parks and Rec while I finish grading these freaking spelling tests,"

"No!" Celia exclaims, "let me take you out," I sigh. I'm only two years older than Celia and I'm only 28 in the first place, but I swear that girl has endless energy.

"C, it's a school night we have to be here early tomorrow, maybe this weekend?"

"Fine," She concedes.

"Maybe you can even drag Emily out with us," I tease, knowing that that will distract her and turn the attention away from me. I can almost feel the daggers shooting out of Emily's eyes.

"That's a great idea!" She almost squeals. "C'mon it'll be so much fun!"

"I'm sorry, Mason has a soccer game on Saturday morning, I have to take Reese to a birthday party later that day and then Callum has a swim meet the next morning,"

"Oh you're no fun," She sulks, "it would be so much easier to make plans with you if you weren't busy being super mom all the time,"

"Yeah but if I didn't produce the really cute kids, who would you spoil?" She says with a grin. We really did spoil her kids rotten. When I'd come around, she only one, Mason was two and she was pregnant with Callum, figuring out how to balance work and being a mom. I've watched both of her boys grow up and I was in the waiting room when her daughter Reese was born and I was one of the first people to hold as Emily and her husband Ben asked me to be her godmother.

All of her kids call me Aunt Lindy. The first time she introduced Mason to me she told him my name was Ms. Lindsay and he mispronounced it as Lindy. Eventually, Ms faded away and Aunt replaced it and a couple years later when Celia came into the picture and we pulled her into our little group, it didn't take long for her to be dubbed Aunt Cece.

"You have a point," She says, a look on her face that tells me she's not very happy that Emily found a loophole in her words. "They are cute aren't they,"

"Yeah," Emily says with a smile as I quickly glance over to the photo on my desk of me with Reese on her first birthday, icing smeared all over her face as I laugh in the background.

"Oh shoot we have to head down to grab those kids," I say as I glance up at the clock, "guess the cupcakes are coming with us,"

* * *

The rest of my day was normal, full of strange stories narrated by hyper six and seven year olds and questions that I would never even begin to understand. It's one of the reasons that I love my job so much. Their imaginations are endless, not barred by logic or filter, they just say whatever they want to say and it's kind of wonderful.

But they had departed with the bell almost two hours ago and Emily and Celia were both long gone, but I'd wanted to get ahead on some of my grading before it was due at the end of the quarter. But I'm satisfied with what I've accomplished tonight and I decide to head out a little early for dinner, maybe stop by the district and surprise Hank. It'll be a fun surprise for both of us.

I slide my never ending stack of papers into my bag and flick off the light, my legs rubbing against the inside of my black pencil skirt and my tan heels clicking along the floors of the still lit linoleum hallways. I quickly make my way out to my car before embarking on the familiar drive from Daley over to the 21st. Ever since Camille died and especially since Justin died six months ago, I've been trying to make more an effort to see Hank. Not just on special occasions or planned visits, just surprise visits at the office sometimes.

I park my car in the visitors lot and make my way up to the stoop, pulling open the heavy front door and up the second set of stairs. I'm greeted by the smiling face of none other than Sergeant Trudy Platt.

"And to what to do we owe the honor?" She says with a teasing smile on her face. "How you doing Erin?"

"I'm good," I say with a smile, "just dropping by to pick up Hank, we're going out to dinner,"

"Any special occasion?" She asks.

"28th birthday count?" I say sheepishly.

"Why didn't you say anything! Happy Birthday!" She exclaims, drawing some unwanted attention to me.

"Thanks Sarge, how about buzzing me up for my present?" I say in my attempt to wrap this up.

"You got it," She says as I hear the familiar buzz if the metal gates. I couldn't tell you how many times I've made this trip in the last few years, I've always liked visiting Hank at work. Who knows, maybe if I didn't like teaching so much I would have become a cop. I smile as I scurry up the stairs, hoping that he's not in the middle of a case. As the bullpen enters my sight line, I see Hank and he's not working on anything, but there's almost someone new here. As he turns around I feel my stomach drop to the floor. You have got to be freakin' kidding me.

* * *

 **I'm pretty sure that I'm going to continue on with this story, but let me know if you guys like it because that will motivate me to get a second chapter up much faster. If you guys have any specific ideas on where you want this story to go, please do not hesitate to let me know. Hope you guys enjoyed it!**

 **Please review,**

 **Addie**


	2. Fix It

**Thank you for all your kind reviews on the last chapter, I was honestly blown away by the insane response that I got in less than 24 hours. I hope that you all like this chapter! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin POV**

No freaking way. The last time I saw his face he was telling me he loved me, planting a kiss on my lips. Little did I know that those words would be the last ones he would speak to me. That would be our last kiss. And then two hours later, I was reading a letter and my heart was breaking, shattered into a million pieces by one Jay Halstead.

He looks so similar to how he did six years ago, same defined jaw line and same piercing blue eyes. But now that jaw is lined with stubble and his skin is much tanner, not the porcelain pale it had been when we were in college. Freckles still dot his face, but they're less pronounced now and the light in his eyes isn't the same as it used to be. It's not gone necessarily, but's different. It's changed.

Another thing that has stayed the same is the pure unadulterated anger that I feel towards him. I thought I'd worked through it, it's behind me. I've dated other guys, hell I almost married one. But in an instant, it all comes flooding back to me.

As he notices me, he opens his mouth to speak to me, but I don't let him. I grab Hank's hand and drag him back to his office, slamming the door behind us as a hot fury burns within me. I yank on the cord to quickly pull the blinds. He doesn't get to see me like this. He doesn't get to see me upset, especially over him. He doesn't have that right anymore.

"What the hell is he doing here Hank?" I demand as I throw my bag down into one to the seats in front of his desk.

"He's my newest detective," He says, the look on his face stoic and at a loss for emotion, "We've been a man down since Antonio took the job with Stone,"

"But why him?" I ask, my hands shaking at my sides. I cannot believe he would do this. He knows what happened, he knows everything. I told him everything. He saw me fall apart.

"Erin he's damn good police, you know that," He says, his voice remaining calm as mine continues to rise.

"You know what he did to me!" I scream.

"And you know that I don't bring personal lives into this bullpen, he was the best man for the job, your history doesn't change that," He explains. He's right. Jay is going to be an incredible asset to this unit, but it doesn't mean that I want him here. He could work anywhere, did he really have to choose Hank's unit?

"Hank!" I protest.

"You need to talk to Halstead, you don't have the full story," He says.

"I know as much as I need to! Why are you defending him?" I say, enraged at this point. Hank was supposed to be on my side, not his.

"Talk to Halstead," He says again, not at all fazed by outburst.

"I don't want to talk to Jay! I'm talking to you," I yell back at him.

"Erin, talk to him," He says in a lame attempt to bring me down.

"You're infuriating," I almost shout at him, grabbing my bag and forcing it over my shoulder. "I'm going home, call me when you're ready to talk,"

"Erin," He protests.

"I am going home," I say putting extra emphasis on each word as I swing the door open, anger propelling every movement.

* * *

 **Jay POV**

I knew that if I took this job I would have to see her at some point, but I didn't think it'd be on my very first day. It's not really even my first day, I was only supposed to come into meet the team before my actual first day tomorrow.

I thought I would at least get some time to prepare, maybe talk to Hank about the whole situation, find out where her head is before I face her. But she blindsided me. I'm sure she's feeling the same way right about how.

I can't tell you where my emotions were at as I watched her walk in through those doors. She was pissed, I knew that she would be. But my God she looks beautiful, my gorgeous girl. My train of thought was broken as I hear her slam the door of Voight's office, only this time she's running out.

"Erin," I say in my very bad attempt to get her to listen to me.

"I don't want to talk to you," She says quickly before rushing down the stairs once again and disappearing. I feel my heart drop in my chest as she leaves. I've regretted the choice I made six long years ago every single day. The whole time I was deployed, I just wanted her. After I came back, I made the rushed decision to move to Los Angeles and I worked in Vice over the past few years and I dated, well I tried to date. I had a few relationships, but I never had anyone make me feel the way that Erin did. So I called Voight. I remembered what he told me outside that restaurant after her graduation and I asked for a job, a job he was more than happy to have me fill.

"How the hell do you know the boss's daughter?" My partner Hannah Davis asks. "And what'd you do to get her to hate you so much?"

"That's personal," I snip at her, I will not be discussing Erin with anybody in this room, not yet atleast. Although I'm pretty sure that Olinsky has a pretty good idea of what happened. He's Voight's best friend and he was like a second father to Erin after Hank and Camille took her in. Purely judging by the fact that he hasn't ripped my head off, Voight let him in on what was happening. I want to be pissed at him, but I never told him that he couldn't tell Al.

"Oh okay," She says with a smirk, "so you slept with her? Maybe dated her? Didn't end well?"

"Something like that," I say withholding any further detail.

"And Voight hasn't ripped your head off yet?" She questions.

"Davis, drop it," Al interrupts. "We don't talk about it," Well that confirms it, he definitely knows and he's defending me, so that means that he heard it from Hank and not Erin or Camille.

"Wait he gets to know?" Hannah whines. I've only met Hannah a few moments ago, but so far she isn't making the best impression. I'm sure she's a solid cop, she wouldn't be up here if she wasn't, but I don't know if we'll be the best of friends. I do know that she has absolutely no filter and no fear. The rest of the unit hasn't said anything, just stayed put with their mouths shut as the whole scenario unfolded. But not Hannah.

"Hannah," Al says again, his tone instantly shutting her down.

"Fine, fine," She concedes throwing her hand up in the air in defeat. "I'll drop it,"

"Thanks," I tell him thankfully.

"Don't mention it," He tells me. I don't even have time to say anything else before Hank pokes his head out of his office and barks my name.

"Halstead get in here," I oblige quickly. I really don't want to push his buttons right now.

"What did she say?" I ask as I lock the door behind me.

"She's pissed," He says, keeping his voice on the softer side. Erin didn't care if the whole world heard what she was saying, but I know that Hank is going to want to keep this part more private.

"That's understandable," I respond.

"Hell yeah it is. I'm the closest thing she has to a father and I just hired the guy that she only sees as the cheating scumbag who broke her heart, of course she's pissed," He tells me. Well yeah, it's not like I thought she was going to be happy to see me. I knew she was going to be mad, I would have been shocked at anything else.

"What do you want me to do about it? I knew what I was getting myself into when I did it six years ago. I've regretted it everyday since then, but it's not like I can go back," I argue.

"Then fix it," He tells me.

"What?" I say. How the hell am I supposed to do that? What does he even mean by fixing it?

"Tell her you lied to her, tell her why you did it, fix it," He explains.

"How am I supposed to do that?" I ask. It really is not that simple.

"Just tell her the truth," He offers.

"She won't believe me," I counter.

"Then you figure something out. Listen Halstead I told you that I would give you a job and I want you in my unit, I sense that you want to be here too," I nod. "Okay then, you figure out how to fix it. I want to keep you in my unit, but Erin is my first priority, always. If having you here is going to hurt my relationship with her, I can have you transferred to any department in the city with two clicks and an email. Are we clear?"

"Yes sir." I respond.

"Okay you're dismissed," How hard can this be? All I need to do to keep my job is go to my ex-girlfriend and convince her that I didn't actually cheat on her, I just lied about it to protect her. Oh I am so screwed.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

How the hell could Hank do this? He knows how much I loved Jay and he knew how much it hurt me when he cheated on me. He was there, he was the one who pulled me together and sent me back out into the world after he left. He was there for all of it. And now's he's just letting Jay back in. His whole spiel about leaving personal lives out of the bullpen was such a load of bullshit and we both knew it. He broke so many laws, so many regulations with both Justin and Camille's cases. He would never admit that to me, but I've heard things. And knowing Hank, they aren't that far out.

I can't even tell you what I'm feeling right now. I want to scream. Or punch something. Hank has always been someone that I can rely on, no matter what I did he had my back. But obviously I can't talk to Hank. He wants me to talk to Jay but he's damn near psychotic if he thinks that's happening. I want to call Kat, but she's living almost an hour outside the city and I don't want to make her drive all that way just talk. No, I can't call her. Emily would give me some advice that would make things a lot better, but I don't want to pull her away from her kids. She would come, she would drop everything and run, that's just the way she is, but I don't want her to have to. That leaves Celia. The Celia option would involve drinking a little red wine and a lot of laughing as she distracts me. Right now, that sounds like a damn good option.

I pull out my phone at a red light and type out a quick text to Celia.

 _Change of plans, want to come over? I have wine. -E_

She replies within 30 seconds. I'm driving at this point, but I do glance down to see her response, holding all the same enthusiasm that she has in person.

 _Yes! I'll be there in 30 with Chinese takeout. Shrimp Lo Mein for the birthday girl, see you soon! -C_

A very large dose of Celia is exactly what I need right now to take my mind off of everything.

* * *

"So what really happened?" She asks as she swirls an especially long noodle around her chopsticks. "You love seeing your dad, what the hell went wrong?" I take a deep breath before giving her an answer. I know that if I don't tell her she won't stop asking and luckily if I do tell her and I ask her to drop it, she actually will.

"Have I ever told you about my college boyfriend Jay?" I ask her, my feet tapping anxiously on the wood floors beneath my feet.

"He's the one who cheated on you and then told you about it in a letter, right?" She asks before taking another bit of her noodles.

"Bingo," I confirms.

"Okay, what about him? It's been six years why are we bringing him up again?" She asks.

"Well he's back," I tell her, the wheels turning once again in my head as my anger resurfaces.

"What do you mean he's back?" She asks, very confused.

"He's back in Chicago and he's working for my dad," I tell her. Her jaw drops.

"Seriously?" She asks. I can tell by the look on her face that she almost doesn't believe it. She doesn't know Hank very well, but from what she does know, it's kind of insane that he would hire an ex-boyfriend of mine. Especially one that cheated on me. I still can't believe it.

"Yeah," I say reluctantly.

"Want me to kick his ass?" She says with a smile.

"No, I think I got this one," I tell her with a bit of a chuckle, "What I need from you is to drink wine with me and talk about literally anything else,"

"Look no further, I'm your girl,"

* * *

After a few hours of talking and laughing, I put Celia in a cab and sent her home. She wasn't drunk my any means, we do have work tomorrow morning, but neither of us wanted to take any chances. It was good to have someone with me, for even just a few hours I got to forget about everything. But now I'm alone again. Well not totally alone, I'm curled up on the couch with Winston at my feet as I try to get through a few more of these tests. But I'm not really getting anywhere, I'm way too distracted.

I can get him out of my head. I've come to terms with what he did, I did that years ago. But why did he come back? Does he just live to torture me? And more than that, why now? I can't ask myself these questions. None of this is my fault, this is Jay's problem and he should have to deal with it. I have to go to bed, maybe if I sleep on it I'll feel better in the morning

I get ready for bed quickly, trying desperately to shut my brain off. Nothing works. I toss and turn in my bed for hours, his face and the words of that letter flashing through my head. But eventually, as the clock inches towards 1 AM, my body can't take it anymore and I'm overcome with sleep.

* * *

I groan as I hear the alarm on my phone go off, that obnoxiously loud blaring shocking me out of my blissful state of sleepy oblivion. But worse than having to get up, is having to listen to that sound. I'm half asleep, but I still do feel better than I did last night.

It's 6:30 now. I know that in order to get to school at least twenty minutes before the kids do, I have to leave my house by 7:30 at the very latest and I still have to shower, get my hair and makeup done, get dressed, and throw somewhat of a lunch together. So I have to get moving, which is good. That means I won't even have time to worry about Jay and whatever the hell is going on with Hank.

I shower quickly and blow dry my hair, a process made much shorter since I've cut it back to length right below my chin. I had it like this in college and I loved it, but as I got older I grew it out and eventually it was reaching the middle of my back and it was just too much of a hassle, especially in the mornings. So I chopped it all off again and I haven't regretted it. I placed a couple of haphazard curls that I hope look okay and dust on my normal makeup, covering my lashes with a thin coat of mascara and swiping on some lipstick.

I grab a white floral dress from my closet and a deep pink cardigan to throw over it and slip them both on before pulling on a pair of well worn brown boots. I run into the kitchen to quickly pack my lunch. I'm actually running ahead of schedule, but I don't want to get distracted and lose momentum, so I don't slow down, grabbing the half graded pile of tests and tossing them into my bag, careful to make sure I have them all. Now I just need coffee, a lot of coffee. I toss a travel cup underneath in the machine and press the button to brew, maybe I'll get to work a few minutes early and I'll be able to finish up these damn tests.

I hear a knock at my front door. Maybe it's Hank, maybe he's finally come to his senses and he's finally going to talk to me about whatever the hell Jay is doing here.

"Are you finally ready to talk?" I say as I swing open my front door as I don't really know who else would be at my door at 7:20 in the morning. It's not Hank. It's Jay, his hands pressed into his pockets and those blue eyes I fell in love with staring down at the ground, guilt written all over his face. I have to keep myself from slamming the door right then and there.

"I would actually really like that," He says with that boyish grin on his face. God I just want to slap that stupid smile off his face. He really is the last person that I want to see right now. Or ever.

"No," I say as I try to shut my door again, that same anger from yesterday boiling up in my chest once again. I want to slap him or kick him or something. But I'm not going to. I'm going to be civil and I'm going to be a grown up.

"Erin please just hear me out," He pleads with me as he pushes the door back open, his strength outweighing mine.

"Jay I have to go to work," I insist as he stands opposite me in the doorway. That's just an excuse. I really don't want to talk to him. At all. But I know that that won't do anything for him.

"Just let me talk to you, let me explain," He begs.

"Jay I'm going to be late," I insist as I hear my coffee machine finish up. It's a bit of a lie, I'm not going to be late at all.

"Okay than just agree to meet me," He says.

"If I say yes, will you go away?" I ask, turning my back away from him as I grab my bag and the cup of coffee from the kitchen, the rich aroma setting a strange calm over me.

"Yes," He promises.

"Fine," I say, "Meet me tonight at Molly's, get the address from Hank. I will sit through one drink and if you haven't given me a damn good explanation, I'm leaving and you have to leave me alone,"

"One drink, that's all I need," He swears. This boy better have a damn good explanation, for all of this. And if he doesn't, I have no problem kicking him to the curb.

* * *

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter! This next chapter will answer a lot of questions about the six year time gap, so stay tuned! As always, if you have any questions about anything, please do not hesitate to leave it either in a review or shoot me a PM. Thanks for reading!**

 **Please Review,**

 **Addie**


	3. Blue Eyes

**Thank you again to everyone who has read and left reviews on this story, I appreciate everyone of you. This one is a little on the shorter side, but I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Happy reading!**

 **As always, I apologize for any spelling and or grammatical issues that I may have missed.**

* * *

 **Erin POV**

I don't even know why I'm doing this. My agreement to this was a spur of the moment thing and I wasn't even sure of it then, I just needed him to leave so I could get to work. But now that I've had the entire day to think about it, I'm even less sure. I've considered standing him up more than a few times, but I really do want to hear what he has to say. Do I think it'll change anything? No. But I do want to figure out what made him think that he could do something like that to me, throwing the previous four years away for a drunken one night stand. One drink. Then I can leave. I can do this. Besides, how hard can it be?

I take a deep breath and step out of the 300, my bag slung over my shoulder as the evening breeze swirls around my dress. I swing open the heavy wood door, the hanging white lights setting a mood that I'm not sure I want.

I spot him quickly near the end of the bar peering down at his phone as a Hawks games plays in the background. He's wearing an olive green Henley and a pair of dark jeans, the muscles on his arms bulging through the thin fabric. He looks so much better than he did in college. I take another deep breath and walk over to join him.

"You came," He says as he notices me, the surprise in his voice obvious. He really did think that this was a long shot.

"I said I would didn't I?" I quip.

"Well yeah, but I didn't actually think you would,"

"Whiskey and a gin and tonic," Gabby interrupts as she slides the two drinks across the bar.

"You remembered," I say, slightly surprised as I take the glass of clear liquid, the lime segment bobbing up and down against the cubes of ice. It's been six years, I really didn't think that he would have used the brain space to keep it. But then again, I also knew exactly what he was going to order.

"Of course," He says, almost surprised that I would think he forgot.

"Alright," I say, as I take my place at the bar laying my bag on the table next to me, "So what did you want to tell me?"

"Well, I guess I just wanted to tell you that I never cheated on you," He says, his facial expression stoic as he relays the word. I can only imagine that mine is anything but. Those five words. I never cheated on you. They'll flip my entire world upside down, pulling the rug out from under me as I realize that everything I've known for the past six years has been a lie.

"What?" I demand.

"I never cheated on you," He says again.

"Okay, why should I believe you? Let's say that I do believe you, why the hell would you tell me that you cheated when you didn't?" I demand. None of this makes any sense. He knew that I have trust and I've gone the last six years thinking that he lied to me. Now he's telling me that he lied to me about lying to me?

"Just hear me out okay?" He pleads.

"Fine," I say, taking a small sip of my drink, the alcohol almost burning as it flows down my throat, I feel like I might need it.

"That day you graduated at dinner that night, I got an email from the Army. I was being called back into duty, I shipped out six days later," He explains.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask.

"Because you didn't sign up to be an Army wife," He admits.

"That wasn't your call to make, you should have told me," I say. I almost want to get louder, but I don't want to draw attention to us. A lot of the people in this bar work at the 21st and I don't want either of them to have to answer questions about this.

"I know that now, I've regretted not telling you everyday since then," He says with a solemn look on his face. "But at that point, I wasn't even thinking straight."

"So you told me that you cheated on me?" I ask, still trying to wrap my head around everything.

"Yes," He says simply.

"Why?" I demand. It just doesn't fundamentally make sense to me. Jay knew that cheating was near the worst breach of trust for me, why would he lie about that?

"Because Erin, I didn't want you to put your life on hold for me. I know you, you would have spent every minute of every day, worrying about me." He's right. People have told me my entire life that I care too much and that I love too hard. I would have been constantly consumed by the fear that something had happened. "And I knew that there was a good chance that I wasn't going to make it home. I would rather have you hate me for the rest of your life rather than letting you break and fall apart. I wanted more than that for you,"

"But then you made it back," I say, still trying to process all of the events that are currently spinning through my head, "why didn't you call me then?"

"You have to understand, when I came back, I was in a really bad place. I wasn't the guy that you knew and I probably still am not that guy.I couldn't be here. I moved out to LA and I moved in with my cousin for a couple of months until I get back on my feet and figure things out. When I did, I still wasn't ready to come home. So I got a job working in Narcotics with the LAPD and I stayed there for almost five years. One day, I just decided that I needed to come home, I missed my town. Besides, even if I did call you when I got back, would have picked up the phone?" I look down at my drink, suddenly infatuated by the ice swirling through the liquid. He's right. I wouldn't have picked up the phone, I wouldn't have even acknowledged him.

"Why should I believe you?" I ask.

"Ask Hank," He says abruptly.

"What?" I demand.

"Ask Hank, he knows everything," And now it all makes sense. That's why he wanted me to talk to Jay. He wasn't defending him, he was trying to get me to uncover the truth. But two emotions are battling it out for dominance within me, the first being a sense of relief that Hank hadn't hired the cheating scum bag that I thought he was. But I also felt the ultimate sense of betrayal, both of the most important men in my life lied to me and Hank has continued to lie to me for the past six years and if Hank knew, who else did? What about Camille? Had she been lying to me too?

"Hank knows?" I question. There's no way in hell. He wouldn't have kept this from me. I know that Hank has secrets, but they've always had to do with his work, things that he didn't want to bring home to us. But he wouldn't have kept this from me. Would he?

"Yes, I talked to him that night after dinner." He tells me.

"Jay..."

"Erin listen to me, I loved you. I would never have cheated on you or done anything to hurt you. I-I," He stammers.

"What Jay? What?" I demand, my voice slowly rising as people around us begin to stare.

"I was going to ask you to marry me!" He blurts out. I feel like my heart may have stopped in my chest.

"What?" I say in shock. I had no idea. Usually girls can see the signs coming, at least that's what I've heard from all of my married friends, but I didn't see that coming at all. Did I think that I was going to end up marrying him? Yes. But not at 22, maybe a few years down the line. But definitely not then. Though if he had asked me that night, there is not a doubt in my mind that I would have said yes.

"That night at your apartment, that was the plan. I loved you Erin and I was ready to marry you."

"I'm sorry," I say as I get up, leaving my drink behind on the bar. "I believe you, but you still lied to me. You've been lying to me for over half a decade, Hank too. I just, I need time to think."

"Okay, that's fair," He says, clearly disappointed, though he does understand where I'm coming from.

"I'll call you okay, I promise. Just give me some space okay?" I say. I believe him, I do. I had trouble believing him at first, but as he kept talking, I just knew in my heart that he wasn't lying to me.

"Thank you, for believing me," He says as those eyes reach out to me.

"I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt," I say with a weak smile. "Thank you for telling me the truth,"

"I'm never going to lie to you again," He assures me, that same guilt from this morning shining through those big blue eyes.

"I'd appreciate that," I say as I grab my bag from off the bar. "I'll call, I promise,"

"Okay," He says simply.

"Goodbye Jay," I say as I turn to leave.

"Bye Er," He says behind me. I feel my breath catch in my chest as I hear my nickname. No one has ever called me that except for him. It seems like such an obvious shortening, but it's always been him, only him. No one before him and no one since him. Just him.

* * *

"Aunt Lindy? I hear from across the room. I look up to see my sweet little goddaughter Reese lingering in the doorway of the family, her normally straight blonde hair wild around her face as she clutches her tiny yellow blanket and a now ragged stuffed tiger to her chest, her blue eyes wide.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep?" I ask before tossing my phone aside as she runs over to me, curling into my side.

It's been a little over a week since I talked to Jay at Molly's and I still don't know what to do about it. Do I want to get back together with him? Does he want to get back together with me? Are we going to be friends? Are we going to be cordial exes that see each other every so often? I don't know. But progress was made. I'm not mad at him anyone, I think I'm starting to understand why he did it, but I can't trust him.

Even if he did do it to protect me, it doesn't change the fact that he lied to me and he's been lying to me. It also doesn't do anything to help me wrap my head around this crazy situation. If I wasn't living this scenario and someone was telling me about it, I don't think I would believe it. Even if it was me and this was coming from anybody other than Jay, I don't think I would believe them. But he's different.

I haven't talked to Jay or Hank since that night and I've been avoiding the district like the plague. I don't want to face any of them, I don't want to deal with the questions or the looks.

I've been throwing myself into my work in the meantime, trying desperately to distract myself so when Em told us that her babysitter cancelled for tonight, I volunteered before she could say otherwise. I always love spending time with her kids, but I really needed it this week. I know that both Emily and Celia, even Kat who I've spoken to a couple times on the phone have noticed that something is up. I know that Celia just assumes that it's simply him being back that's weirding me out, but none of them have asked any questions about it.

"I tried, but my eyes wouldn't close," She tells me, looking up with those big baby blue eyes.

"And I'm sure you tried so hard," I tease as she curls up closer to me and I lay my chin on top of her head.

"I did I promise!" She assures me.

"Okay missy," I say with a grin, though I don't really believe her.

"Will you lay with me? Mama always does that when I can't fall asleep,"

"Yeah, c'mon," I tell her as I pull her off the couch, dragging her by the hand as I urge her back up the stairs. I feel her start to lag on the fifth or sixth step, so I eventually just swoop her up into my arms, holding her against my chest as we advance towards her room. I don't bother to turn a light on, knowing that it'll just wake her up more than she already is.

I drop her into her bed, laying down next to her as she rolls onto her stomach. I've been through this more than a few times with her, Reese never ever wants to go to sleep, it's been that way since Emily brought her home four years ago. So I know her tricks.

I begin rub circles on her back with the palm of my hand as I hum a lullaby and I quickly hear her breathing begins to slow and soft snores start filling the void of silence as my hum fades away. Success, works every time. I drop a soft kiss on the top of her head and creep slowly out of the room, leaving the door open just a crack. I take the time to check in on the boys, Mason first followed by Callum, both sound asleep.

As I walk back the stairs, I peer at the dozens of photos of the Landry's lining the stairwell and I have a thought. This would be very similar to what my life would look like if Jay had asked me to marry him that day, we'd just be a few years behind Emily and Jared. But the timelines do match up.

They got married two years after they graduated and if Jay was deployed for eighteen months after I graduated, we probably would have done something similar. We'd live here, I'm sure and we'd probably have a kid, maybe two.

I'd always been unsure of the idea, but he's wanted to be a father for as long as I've known him and I know that seeing how much he wanted them, I'd eventually come around to the idea.

Even without him, as I've been a teacher and being so close to Em's kids, I've warmed up to the idea of having my own. But it just seems to bizarre that if he would have asked me to marry him that day, I might have a three year old running around my house, maybe a little boy, with big blue eyes and freckles just like his dad.

There's so many ifs. So many what ifs and all the unanswered questions in the universe. The last six years of my life had the chance to be so drastically different if he had just told me. Would we still be together? Maybe. I would hope so. Now I'll never know, but what I do know is that I want to figure out where we stand, there's only one thing that I can do. I have to talk to Jay.

* * *

 **Jay POV**

I groan as I hear my phone go off next to me. That can't be my alarm already. I grab my phone, it's not my alarm, Erin's name is splayed across the screen. I scramble to answer my phone as I switch on the lamp next to me. It's the middle of the night and I really don't know why she would be calling me, but I'm not going to question it. I've been waiting for this call for over a week. But she kept her promise. She called.

"Hey," I hear her raspy voice say on the other end of the line.

"Hey what's up?" I ask, my voice thick with sleep.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" She asks concerned.

"Don't worry about it," I respond.

"I'm ready to talk, really talk. I made a reservation at the Purple Pig for tomorrow night at 7. You're buying," She says. I can only imagine the smirk on her face right now.

"Deal," I tell her without hesitation.

"Okay, I'll see you then,"

* * *

 **Not super confident in this chapter, but I hope you guys enjoyed it! As always, if you have any questions, please do not hesistate to leave them in a review or shoot me a PM. Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	4. That Kind of Happy

**Here's another update for you guys! Hopefully it'll help get you guys through another week of this baby hiatus until we get a new episode next week! Hope you enjoy and happy reading!**

 **As always, I apologize for any spelling and or grammar issues that I may have missed.**

* * *

 **Erin**

I'm nervous. I don't know why. I know this man like the back of my hand and for years he was the person that I would trust with my life. He knows me better than anyone, better than Hank, even better than Camille or Kat. At least he did. I couldn't tell you where we are now.

Besides, I'm the one who set up the dinner, it's just a dinner. It's not even a date.I was the one who wanted to talk. I still do, I want to get everything on the table, though there isn't much that's not out. But I'm still nervous.

I paced around my bedroom for almost an hour, pulling thing after thing out of my closet, eventually settling on something easy, a denim button up tossed over a pair of black leggings, my trusty brown boots zipped over my feet. He won't care what I look like, it's just me. Erin Lindsay. The college girl he fell in love with when he was 20. But he's not that guy anymore and I'm not that girl.

But now I'm waiting outside the restaurant, standing idly and my hands shaking ever so slightly. I can see the clock ticking past 7 o'clock as Jay impatiently taps his fingers on a window side table. I don't think he's seen me, at least he hasn't looked this way, but I still need to build up the nerve to say what I want to say. It's not even like it's crazy or anything like that, but it's something. And that makes me nervous.

I take a deep breath, something I seem to have been doing a lot recently and take a step forward, my bag swinging next to me, almost quicker than my heartbeat as I walk closer and closer to the entrance of the restaurant.

"Reservation?" The woman at the front door asks, a plastic smile on her face and her black hair pulled back into a much too perfect ponytail.

"It should be under Lindsay, he's already here I'm running a little bit late," I tell her.

"Of course, follow me," She says, grabbing a menu. I feel my heart start to race in my chest as we get closer and closer to the table, his face becoming clearer and clearer. I remember what attracted me to him in the first place that day in the library. It was those eyes. Those big blue eyes that suck you in and make you forget that time exists.

"Here you are miss," The waitress responds as I take my seat. I mouth a quick thank you to her before she gives me a nod.

"Happy birthday," He says with a smile, "well happy late birthday, if I'm remembering correctly I'm about nine days late,"

"You'd be correct," I say, not shocked that he remembered. He knew my drink order, I be more surprised frankly if he had forgotten. "And thank you,"

"28 looks good on you," He says with a smirk.

"I appreciate that," I say with a slight laugh.

"Anyway, I hope you still drink cabernet, because I ordered you a glass," He says, gesturing to the glass of red wine sitting in front of my plate.

"Jesus Jay, you remember all this useless information about me, how do you have room for anything else," I joke.

"It's not useless," He says with that signature Halstead smirk that I've seen so many times. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Were cutting right to the chase aren't we?" I question, my nerves rising in my chest again.

"Have you ever known me to do any different?" He questions, that smirk still resting upon his face.

"Fair," I respond. "I want to be friends. I'm not ready for a relationship and even if I was, I don't think that I could get into one with you. Not right now at least. I still care about you, but I need to learn how to trust again," I'm not lying, but I'm telling the whole truth either.

"Friends?" He questions.

"Yes," I respond, firm in my decision.

"I can deal with that." He responds, "Thank you, for believing me,"

"You're still on thin ice Halstead, don't lie to me again," I say, almost a threat in my voice.

"Wouldn't dream of it," He assures me, that smirk returning to his face.

"Okay, now that that's cleared up, let's talk. Like friends, like normal people." I tell him.

"Okay," He responds with a smile, "I know that this is probably a really bad time to bring this up, but I'm really sorry about Camille and Justin. I didn't know about it until Al told me yesterday,"

"Thank you," I say, swallowing my breath as memories of my pseudo-mother and little brother flash through my head, the good, the bad, the ugly. She was always there, with a hug and a well meaning lecture and he could back up anything with a sarcastic quip. He wasn't all good, but he was my brother and I loved him.

"I know how hard it was for me when I lost my mom, so if you want to talk about it sometime, I'm always game," He tells him softly, reaching across the table to gently hold my hand.

"I appreciate that, but it was a long time. I'd rather not bring it up again," I tell him, biting slightly on my bottom lip to keep my eyes from watering and forcing the lump in my throat back down. Camille has always been a sensitive subject for me and it's only gotten worse since Justin died.

"Of course," He responds, his eyes kind.

"Let's just change the subject okay?" I tell him, the corners of my lips turning up into a bit of a forced smile.

"Okay, are you still teaching at Sawyer?" He asks.

"I am," I say with a smile, sensing the opportunity to talk about my job. That's always a good distraction. "first grade,"

"Still?"

"Oh yeah, I love my job and I'll be there for as long as they'll have me," I say with a smile, "oh you'll like this, a couple weeks ago, one of my students, Lyla, I heard her yelling shut up at one of the boys and I had this long discussion with the entire class about how it was a bad word and not to say it. A couple days later, my kids all starting saying something else,"

"What?" He asks, a smile on his face.

"Silence you peasant," I say with a bit of a chuckle.

"Seriously?" He says, laughing as he throws his head back.

"Oh yeah," I tell him, "I confronted Lyla about it and she simply told me that she was being creative, told all the kids that they couldn't get in trouble for saying because I hadn't told them they couldn't,"

"She was you know, being creative," He tells me.

"It was hard for me to keep a straight face through that whole ordeal and I can tell when her mom can to pick her up that day, she was having the same issue,"

"I wish I could solve problems at work by just talking to parents,"

"What have you been doing? Specifically anyway,"

"Well I told you that I'd been working in Los Angeles with Narcotics so we worked with the Feds a lot, dealing with stuff that was coming in from Mexico and getting distributed around the city. It was thrilling and it felt good, you know to be taking bad things and bad people off the streets everyday. But I wanted to come home,"

"I'm glad you did," I tell him, taking his hand in mine, "If you wouldn't have, I would have spent the rest of my life hating you,"

"Well in that case, I'm glad too," He says with a soft smile, "Have you talked to Kat?"

"She's knows you're back, but I haven't told everything," I say, answering the question that I know he's not asking.

"So she still thinks I cheated on you?"He asks, a certain disappointment in his voice.

"Yeah," I respond, "She doesn't know that I'm talking to you,"

"You going to tell her?" He asks, taking a sip of the wine in front of him.

"Eventually," I respond. "Just haven't had the chance I guess,"

"Well I hope I don't run into her before then because she might kill me," He jokes.

"Yeah, it's a probably a good thing you skipped town so fast because if you didn't, I might have a best friend behind bars right now," I respond, the level of sarcasm in my comment matching his.

"How is she? The infamous Katherine London," He ask.

"Well she's not a London anymore," I inform him, much to his shock based on the look on his face. I almost have to stifle a laugh. "She got married two years ago, his name is John Walsh and she's good. She's seven months pregnant, little boy,"

"You're kidding me, Kat London, the same Kat London who took down an entire frat at beer pong and slept with a different guy every weekend is married and an having a kid?"

"Yeah," I say with a bit of a laugh, "She settled down when she graduated, moved to the suburbs. She met John about six months after you left and he tamed her I guess,"

"Wow,"

"I know, I felt the same way when she told me. But she's happy, happier than I think I've ever seen her," I say, longing in my voice.

"That's good, she was nuts but she deserved that kind of happy," He says with a smile.

"Well all do," I say quietly, leading to a bit of an awkward silence between the two of us. Luckily a waiter shows up to take our order.

"I know that Will took your drink orders, but he's been pulled into something so I'm Vanessa and I'll be taking care of you for the rest of the night. What are you going to be having?"I don't even have to look the the menu, I get the same thing here almost every time.

"I'll have the porchetta panini please," I say as I hand my menu back over to her, "and if I could get a glass of water that would be great."

"And for you sir?" She asks Jay.

"I'll have the mussels please," He says with a welcoming smile as he hands his over to her as well.

"Excellent choices, we'll have those out to you as soon as possible," She says with a smile, her blonde curls poking out around her face.

"Thank you." He adds as she walks away, leaving us in another realm of silence.

"How's Will doing?" I ask, pulling small talk out of my ass to fill the void.

"He's good, he's back in Chicago actually, he works at Med," He tells me.

"Still in Plastics?" I ask, taking another sip of the deep red liquid.

"Nope, he's an attending in the ED," He responds.

"Guess he got tired of doing boobs and noses," I say with a laugh.

"Something like that," He tells me with a grin, "He's actually engaged,"

"Really? The only person less likely to settle down than Katherine London is William Robert Halstead," I say with a bit of a chuckle.

"Yeah it kind of shocked me more shocking, she has two year old son," He says, rolling his lip inwards.

"Seriously?" I reply. The Will Halstead that I knew was a player, plain and simple. I loved him, he treated me like a little sister since the day I met him, but nonetheless, he was a player.

"Oh yeah, Owen, sweetest little boy I've ever met. My brother adores him," He says, a certain look of admiration of his face. "I've only met him a couple of times, but he's great,"

"What's her name? His fiancee," I ask, clarifying my words.

"Natalie Manning, she's a pediatrician over at Med," He responds.

"That's great, I'm happy for him."

"You should come over sometime, they're having me over to their place for dinner next week, you should come with," He offers.

"Would that be a little confusing? You know for everyone," I ask.

"Yeah sorry, I didn't think about that," He says.

"No don't worry about it, we're still trying to find out footing right?" I respond, a weak smile on my face.

"Yeah," He responds with a solemn smile.

"So are you dating anyone?" I ask, trying to switch the topic over to something. Though I'm really not sure why I chose this one.

"I'm not. I was with this girl Delia for a couple years when I was out there. But it pretty much imploded when I told her that I was coming back to Chicago. But other than her, just a bunch of failed first dates and three week flings,"

"Did you love her? Delia," I ask. I really don't know what I'm doing. I seriously need to learn how to shut my mouth and choose my words better.

"She loved me, but I couldn't figure out how to love her. I told her that I did, but I never meant it. You are still the only woman I've ever loved," He says with a sad smile. "Plus I was pretty screwed up after my last tour. She knew that I wasn't going to open up to her, but she had her own issues. But that's just me, how about you?"

"Dating?" I ask as he nods back at me. "Well I was engaged, I almost got married,"

"Wow okay," He says. He's trying to hide the shock on his face, but he's not doing a great job. I can see it without even trying.

"Yeah his name was Jeremy," There wasn't anything wrong with him, he was perfect. I was the problem in that relationship," I admit, twisting my hands within each other as I talk.

"What happened?" He asks, those blue eyes peering through. Those damn eyes. He wasn't you. He didn't have those eyes. That's what happened. That was the problem.

"Nothing, I just couldn't go through with it. I had the dress and the flowers and I was sitting there in my perfect dress with the perfect guy waiting for me at the end of the aisle and I couldn't do it, it just didn't feel right," I say, having flashbacks to that day. I remember it perfectly. It was pouring down rain and I was sitting in the back room of the church in that gorgeous lace wedding dress having basically a panic attack, tears streaming down my face faster than the raindrops falling outside. Kat was my only bridesmaid. She asked me what I wanted to do, presented the options, free of judgment. When I made my choice, she had my back, didn't question me, she just listened and complied. "So I ran. Kat drove the getaway car and then we hid out at Hank's house for two weeks. She gave the ring back to him and I've haven't seen him since,"

"You loved him?" He asks.

"Yes. I don't know. Maybe." I tell him, not able to settle on one answer. "If I didn't, I really wanted to," I say wistfully. Jeremy was ready to give me the life that I wanted. He was perfect in almost every way, everyone I knew always told me how lucky I was to get to marry him. I did it. I had found the guy. But he wasn't my guy and though I would never admit it to myself, that simply meant that he wasn't Jay.

* * *

 **Sorry this update took a little bit longer than the others have, but I hope you guys enjoyed reading it!**

 **Please review!**

 **Addie**


	5. Something There

**Ahhh guys I am so sorry it's been so long since I've given you an update. I've had virtually no free time to write this past month or so. This chapter is on the shorter side and I'm not totally happy with it, but I really wanted to get something up for you and I am hoping to have an update up for all of my stories by the end of the week. Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Jay**

"Oh you cheating son of a bitch," I hear from behind me as I stand waiting for my relatively simple coffee order. Oh Lord. I know that voice. I also know that I'm about to get a very public verbal beatdown.

"Hi Kat," I say sheepishly, turning towards her. I don't even have time to think before she slaps me across the face. Hard. It knocks the wind out of me and renders gasps and scoffs from all those around us. "Well good morning to you too,"

"I was hoping that I'd run into you," She snarls, a scowl across her face. It would almost be comedic if my face wasn't still stinging from that hit.

She's the very same Kat she was when we were in college, 5'2" and feisty as hell. She's never been one to be easily embarrassed or afraid to draw attention to herself, one of the things that I always loved about her but in this scenario ended up being something that did not work in my favor. She looks a little different, her red hair now chopped at her shoulders and she's wearing a navy blue pantsuit. That's about the last thing I'd ever expect her to wear. Then of course, there's the baby bump protruding out. "I'd been waiting to do that since Erin told me you were back in town three weeks ago,"

"Hold on, when was the last time you talked to Erin," I ask, my cheek still throbbing slightly as I feel the redness start to appear.

"What does that matter? It won't change what you did to her?" She tells me. So Erin hasn't told her. I should have known that the very second that her palm connected with my face.

"Yeah it will, talk to Erin," I say as I gratefully see my coffee being placed on the counter. Thank God. I can get the hell out of here.

"What the hell did you do to her?" The barista asks with a bit of a chuckle as I grab my drink. I read his name tag. Ryan. He can;t be more than 20 and he looks like he'd be a player.

"Oh you don't even know," I respond vaguely, trying to ignore the stares I'm getting from everyone in the shop, my one mission to get out of there as fast as humanly possibly.

"Halstead we're not done with this," She calls after me.

"Oh I wouldn't dream of it London," I say with a smirk as I push through the door, settling my sunglasses back over my eyes. Erin really has to tell Kat about everything, before I get slapped again.

* * *

 **Erin**

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket as I stand next to Emily and Celia as the kids run around on the playground. I pull it out and smile as I see Jay's name flashed across the screen.

"Who's that?" Emily asks as she peers over past Celia.

"No one," I say with a smile as I slide it back into my pocket. I'll just have to read it later.

"Oh no, no, no," She says with a smile, "That wasn't nothing. New guy?"

"More like old guy coming back to the surface," Celia says with a smirk on her face.

"C!" I say as I elbow her. "It's nothing,"

"Erin I've seen him, anything with that guy is not going to be nothing," Celia comments.

"He hot?" Emily asks.

"Oh yeah," Celia says, placing emphasis on the second word, "He has these eyes, I swear if he stared and told me to go kill someone I would probably do it,"

"Oh okay," Emily says, her eyebrows widening as she looks up at me. "Our girl has a boy,"

"No I don't have a boy, we're just friends." I tell them.

"Oh that's bullshit," Celia says with a scoff.

"Celia!" I exclaim, very sincerely hoping that none of the kids are within earshot. I don't even want to think about what would happen if they went home and repeated that, followed by telling their parents where they learned it.

"We both know it, you still care about this guy," She says.

"It's been six years, I've moved on," I assure her, knowing very well that I'm lying through my teeth. I thought I had, but now he's back. And so are all the feelings I used to have.

"Like hell you have," She says.

"She's right. If you'd have moved on, you'd still have the giant ring on your finger and the sign on your door wouldn't say Ms. Lindsay." Emily tells me. Right again.

"Me leaving Jeremy had nothing to do with this," I tell her, not really wanting to discuss this with them, at least right now. I don't even know what I'm doing yet, that last thing I need is them telling me that I'm doing the wrong thing.

"Bullshit," Celia says again, though this time her voice hushed as she pronounces every single sound.

"Guys I'm serious," I butt in.

"Okay, okay we'll let up I guess. But seriously, we have an early release today. Kids are gone by 12:30, you could swing by the district, maybe bring him some lunch and figure it out." Emily says in a sing songy voice.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea,"

"Why not?" Celia asks, "You know you want him,"

"Cel," I take a sigh of relief as I hear the ringing in my ears. Thank God, saved by the bell. "Alright I'll talk to you guys later okay," I tell them as my kids start running up to me.

"Hi Ms. Lindsay!" My student Kennedy shrieks as she runs up to me. "Are we working on our maps today?"

"Not today sweetheart, it's an early day so you guys get to go home in like twenty minutes,"

"Really?" She asks, looking up at me with those big brown eyes gleaming.

"Uh huh," I say with a smile, her grin instantly brightening my day.

"Awesome!" She tells me as the other kids start to line up behind her.

"Everyone here?" I call out as I mentally count the kids lining up behind me. 22. That's all of them.

"We're all here Ms. Lindsay!" Another student yells, Jake Salter, his dark hair shiny under the April sun.

"Alright let's go," I say, taking Kennedy's hand in mine. I would never tell anyone if they asked, but she's kind of my favorite student. I spend the next ten minutes doing read aloud with the kids before I let them pack up. I give them all a wave as the bell rings and quickly shuffle out of my room.

In my newfound silence, absent of the chatter of children, I think about what Celia and Emily told me. They're right and I'm just lying to myself. Beside what is there to lose?

My eyes linger over his contact. Should I call him. I don't know. His text from earlier doesn't help with the decision, his choice of words being a simple and infuriating "hey".

"Go see him," Emily says as she passes by my room, not even waiting for my response. How she knows exactly what to say I have no idea. But today, I'm going to listen. Sometimes you just have to jump. Right?

* * *

"Hey Sergeant Platt, can you buzz me up?" I ask, my flats clicking against the linoleum floors.

"Of course, visiting Hank?" She asks as I hear the door buzz as I ascend up the stairs.

"Something like that," I say with a sheepish grin.

"Alright, say goodbye before you leave," She tells me.

"I always do," I say as I make my way through the woven metal gate.

"Hey Erin," Hannah says to me as I enter. The bullpen is nearly empty, though luckily Jay is here. I notice him look up at me in surprise. He really wasn't expecting to see me.

"Hey sunshine," I tell her with a smile, ignoring Jay for just a moment. I'll get to him. But I do love Hannah Davis. She's a bit of a spitfire and I will be the first one to admit that sometimes she makes me want to smack her. But she means well.

"What are you doing here? School isn't out for like two more hours," Jay asks.

"It's testing week for the older kids so they let everyone out a little bit early and I just thought I'd drop by," I respond, impressed that he knows my schedule.

"You here to see Hank?" Hannah asks as she pulls her long dark hair into a high ponytail.

"Something like that," I say with a grin, holding my actual motives away. For now. "Is he in?"

"Yeah, go on back," Hannah offers.

"Thanks guys," I say, propping my bag against Hannah's desk and continuing on towards Hank's office.

"Erin," Hank says with a smile as I knock on the wooden doorframe before closing the door behind me. "What are you doing here kid?" He asks as he pulls me into a hug with a few slaps on the back.

"Kids got released early so I decided to stop by,"

"You want to grab lunch or something? It's a pretty slow day around here," He asks.

"Actually," I start, oddly nervous about the next set of words that I plan to say, "I was thinking that I might want to ask Jay if he'd want to come with me,"

"Oh," He says slightly surprised. "You're talking to him again?"

"Yeah I went to dinner him a couple weeks ago, we're uh friends I guess," I tell him. I really don't know how to describe us, that's the best I can do. "I don't know, maybe I want to see if something is still there, you after all this time and everything that's happened,"

"Yeah alright. You know that I always liked Halstead,"

"Oh please the first time I brought him home you almost tore his head off and then you scared the crap out of him for the next year," I argue with a bit of a chuckle.

"Yes and then he earned my respect," He tells me with a smug grin.

"Okay alright, whatever you say,"

"Go have fun, just have him back by 2:30 and have him take his radio with him,"

"Okay thanks Hank," I say with a cheeky grin.

"Yeah yeah yeah, go on," He tells me with a wave off as he returns to the masses of paperwork littering his desk.

"Halstead," I announce as soon as the door shuts behind me.

"What's up?" He says his head snapping up towards me as soon as he hears my voice.

"Let's go, we're going out," I tell him, grabbing up my bag again.

"We are?"

"Halstead don't be stupid," Hannah shouts from the other side of the pen.

"Alright," He says as he gets up and joins me. "Where are we going Ms. Lindsay?"

"Well that's for me to know and you to find out,"

* * *

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! If you have any questions or suggestions, please do not hesitate to leave them in a review or drop me a PM. Also, this is super random but I want to see if any of you can guess where this title comes from. Thanks for reading!**

 **Please review!**

 **Addie**


	6. Team

**Okay so I'm not sure what was going on with the website a couple of weeks ago, but an alert did not go out for chapter five of this story, so if you have not read that chapter yet, please do so or this one will make absolutely no sense. Furthermore, to anyone who guessed that this title came from the Taylor Swift song, you'd be correct.**

 **Also, I'm going to write out some of my thoughts about the finale at the bottom of this chapter, so if you haven't seen it yet, just go ahead and skip that because there will be spoilers.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

"I want to try us again," I blurt out nervously.

"What?" He says, looking over at me in complete surprise. I don't really know why I brought him here or why I thought today was the day to tell him this. We've been here before though, it's not anywhere fancy or extravagant, but it's our place. We used to come here a lot when we visited home, just a simple bench by the waterfront. The first time was when I came home for some random weekend and I decided to bring him with me. It couldn't have been more than twenty minutes before the rain started pouring down on us. It was a total disaster and we both got soaked, but he kept a smile on his face the entire time. That's the day I knew that I was in love with Jay Halstead. "Why?"

Because you're the reason I fled a church in a wedding dress and I never forgot about you. That's my first thought. No I can't say that.

"I don't know, maybe that wasn't our time. We both needed to find ourselves before we could be with each or maybe it was a million other things, I don't care. But maybe we both came back here for a reason, maybe now is our time,"

"Erin," He says, his voice still skeptical as he looks over at me.

"Jay we're not 22 anymore, we're grown ups. We have our lives together," I tell him.

"I'm not fighting you on this, but are you sure?"

"You lied to me, I understand that. But I don't care anymore. I get why you did it, you wanted to protect me and though your execution was not great, I understand. I told you that I couldn't trust you, but that's not anywhere near the truth. Before everything, you never gave me a reason to not trust you, I was just scared. But I'm not anymore," I feel an impulse and I don't wait, I just act, letting my lips crash into his. I can see the last six years without him flashing before my eyes, but everything feels right again. We're familiar to each other and the feeling isn't foreign, it's home.

"Wow," He says as I pull back, the tension gone. "I don't remember the last time I got a kiss like that,"

"Well I don't know if you remember, but I'm kind of a great kisser,"

"That I knew," He says, those sea blue eyes sparkling at me.

"Well I guess I just had to make sure you remembered," I say with a little bit of a smirk as I cross my legs.

"I can assure you, there is no forgetting that Er," Er. That nickname that I longed to hear for so long. "And I really don't want to spoil the moment, but I think that you need to talk to Kat," He says sheepishly.

"What why?" I ask, my face twisting in confusion. From what I know, he hasn't talked to Kat since the night that she and I graduated, why would he be mentioning her?

"I ran into her this morning," He tells me.

"Oh Lord, what'd she do?" I ask with a groan. She's always been unpredictable and after I told her what I thought Jay did, she's despised him. I don't know if I even want to know.

"Well she called me a cheating son of bitch and then proceeded to slap me in the middle of a very, very busy coffee shop," He says. I try to keep myself from laughing, but a little bit of a chuckle slips out before I devolve into a full fledged giggle fit. I would have died to have seen that.

"It's not funny," He tells me, giving me a playful slap on the arm.

"I'm sorry," I choke out, trying to control the laughter. "But I would have given my left arm to watch that,"

"I'm sure she'd be happy to recreate the moment for you," He jokes.

"I will talk to her though, I promise," I assure him.

"Thank you, because I really don't want to get hit again,"

"I'll do my best buddy," I promise him. "But what are we?"

"Getting serious now aren't we?" He asks, trying to lighten the mood.

"Couldn't avoid it," I say with a half smile. I was trying to read him, but he's always been better at it than me.

"Well, I'd really like to be able to call you my girlfriend again," He says, taking my hand in his and pressing his lips to the top of my thumb.

"I think that can be arranged,"

* * *

I circle the possible outcomes through my head as my mouse wavers above Kat's contact. I can't make it out to her place tonight, but I wanted to do this face to face and I guess video chat is the next best thing.

I really don't know how she's going to react to this. She's always had an explosive personality, always and even though I know her like the back of my hand, sometimes she's still unpredictable to me. But I can't hold this off any longer. I have to tell her.

So I suck it up, take a deep breath and call her, clicking the icon next to her name and waiting. I can feel my heart rate rising and falling in my chest it rings. I almost think she isn't going to pick up when her face finally appears on the screen.

"Hey girl what's up?" She asks. I can tell that her phone is propped up on something and I can hear her typing in the background. That's how this usually goes, one of us is always working.

"Nothing much, I just had something to talk to you about," I say, stalling slightly.

"Are we spilling some tea?" She asks with a cheeky look on her face.

"Not exactly," I tell her, my lip twitching up at the corners.

"What?" She asks impatiently, her patience level at its usual resting place of zero.

"So I have a boyfriend," I say, my free hand nervously playing with the hem of my t-shirt.

"You what?" She asks, finally looking up from her laptop, slapping it shut and picking up her phone. "Why was I not told about this?"

"I'm telling you now," I say, my voice involuntarily getting slightly higher.

"What are you hiding?" She accuses. Damn it.

"Nothing," I claim.

"No, whenever you lie to me, your voice gets higher, what aren't you telling me?" If there's anyone who can follow up Hank and Jay in figuring out when I'm lying, it's Kat.

"It's not someone new, it's actually someone that I kind of have a lot of history with," I admit.

"Okay?"

"You also may have slapped the shit out of him this morning," I say sheepishly, biting down on my bottom lip as I brace myself for her reaction.

"Holy shit Erin what the fuck are you doing," She almost yells at me as she realizes what I'm telling her. I can't help but wince at her words. "He cheated on you, he broke your heart,"

"But he didn't," I tell her calmly.

"Yeah he did, I was there, picking up the pieces after he broke you. Why are you doing this to yourself?" She snaps.

"He didn't cheat on me," I say, trying to stay as calm as possible. All I want to do right now is blow up on her, tell her how wrong she is. But I have to remember that she doesn't know the truth, this was near identical to my reaction when I saw him standing in the bullpen just a few short weeks ago.

"What?" She demands. "Yes he did, he told you that he cheated on you,"

"He lied," I tell her simply. "It was a lie,"

"And why the fuck would he do that?" She asks, "that makes absolutely zero sense,"

"Just let me tell you the full story, I promise that it'll make sense," I assure her. "You just need to listen,"

"Fine, change my mind," She tells me, her face stoic. I know that I can change her mind, he changed mine.

"So the day that we graduated, right after commencement, he got a email from the United States Army Rangers, they told him that he was going back to Afghanistan in six days," I explain slowly, pulling and twirling my lighten hair into a bun on the top of my head.

"What?" She exclaims. We both knew that he did a tour before he enrolled at UIUC, but we both thought he was out for good, he didn't mention anything to the contrary.

"I know, I didn't know either." I say softly, "I just found out, like two weeks ago,"

"What does this have to do with anything?" She asks. I knew she would say that. She just doesn't get it.

"That's the reason," I tell her.

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"That's why he left, that's why he told me that he cheated on me," I say.

"You're still not making sense,"

"What he said is that I didn't sign up to be an Army wife and he didn't want me to have to wait in fear everyday while he was over there. He'd rather have me hating him that falling apart if he didn't come home," I tell her. When I think about it, it makes sense. If he had explained it to me that night, it wouldn't of. I don't know what I would have done, but understanding is not one of them.

"Wait wife?" She asks.

"He was going to ask me to marry him that night, he had the ring in his pocket. And if I'm being honest with you, I would have said yes," I admit. There's not a doubt in my mind of that.

"Erin it's a really great story, but how do you know that any of its real? How do you know that he's not jerking you around? Maybe he came back, figured out that you were still single and figured that he would make his move," She questions.

"I know he's not lying because Hank vouched for him," I tell her, knowing that that'll seal the deal.

"He did?" She says, not even trying to hide the shock on her face.

"Yeah, he knew the entire time. He was only one. But Jay wanted to make sure that I would be okay, that there would be someone watching out for me that knew the whole story. That's how I know he wasn't lying to me," I tell her.

"Wow okay,"

"And I know that this is a little weird to swallow. We've made him the villain in my story for the past six years and I know that I'm changing the tides on you."

"I can't just get over the fact that he lied to you," She says, running her hands through her short red locks. "I can't just forgive for everything. He didn't cheat on you, great. But that doesn't change the facts,"

"But it does,"

"Babe he should have told you the truth, let you make your own decision,"

"I know, that's what I told him too," I tell her, "But I have to put myself in his shoes, if I was told that I was shipping out to a war zone in six days, I don't know where my head would be. So I have to cut him some slack, even if he hurt me."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure," I confirm, "and I'm not asking you to be his biggest fan or to forgive right now, but I need you to be on my team, a team that he might be joining,"

"Always," She says with a weak smile, "I love you and I always just want what's best for you and if that means be a little harder on this guy for a couple months, I'm going to do it. But that doesn't mean I'm not on your team. I never want to leave your team,"

"Good," I say with a half smirk, "cause I don't plan on letting you go anywhere,"

"Okay," She says with a smile, "I have to go to bed, early meeting tomorrow that I'm still not done prepping for and I fully plan on procrastinating, but call me tomorrow if you need anything."

"You never pick up your calls," I tease.

"Yeah you're right just text me," She says with a smile.

"Alright will do," I say with a chuckle, "I love you KK, go to bed,"

"You're my girl E, get some sleep, I love you too,"

"Goodnight," I say as she hangs up, the screen going black and leaving me once again alone in my apartment.

Without realizing it, I let out a sigh of relief. That went a whole lot better than I expected it to. But then again, she's on my team. She's always going to be on my team.

* * *

 **Okay so my thoughts on the finale.**

 **One, I'm sad cause we don't get anymore Chicago PD until September and it was a good episode, but it was also like infuriating. Though I think I've had that feeling after every finale when they leave us with giant cliffhangers.** **I'm kind of annoyed that they never wrapped up the whole "Voight might be Erin's real dad" story line and they kind of just started it and then let it drift off into the wind. But the dog tags scene was so cute and I do love seeing Erin and Hank together.**

 **Also, the whole almost proposal thing (not that I didn't love it because I did), it all just seemed really random. Like why now? Also isn't he still married to Abby? Regardless, the whole thing (at least what we saw) was adorable and I love that it was his mom's ring. Do you guys think Erin's going to actually go to New York or is she going to stay in Chicago? If any of you have watched Grey's Anatomy, I think it'll be like when Cristina goes to Minnesota. She'll still be on the show and eventually she come back to Chicago, but that's just me. Let me know what you guys think.**

 **Last thing, but I love Upton. I think she's great.**

 **Hope you guys liked this chapter and you'll leave me a quick review. If anyone has any questions or just wants to talk about the finale, my PM box is always open.**

 **-Addie**


	7. Rainy Brookfield Days

**Here's another update for you guys. I will try to get chapter eight up sometime this week, but I have a crap ton of testing this week, so I make no promises.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

It's been three weeks since Jay and I actually got back together and life has been great. Hank hasn't tried to kill him like he did last time and I think Kat is actually on the way to accepting him. Slowly. But we're making progress and that's what counts.

He's been staying over at my place most nights and it's been so easy, so incredibly easy to fall back into our well established routines from all those years ago. It's incredible, being with him is incredible, in more ways than one.

But today is a field trip day and the kids are so excited. Recently, they've been learning about Africa and every year a big part of that unit is all of them doing a research project on a certain animal, thus now is the time where the yearly field trip to the Brookfield Zoo takes place.

Celia, Emily, and I have been busting our asses trying to get all the details together for this and it's always a pain in the ass, but seeing the looks on those kids faces is always worth it.

This morning I crept out of the bed before Jay was awake, which is something very out of the ordinary for us, he's always up at the crack of dawn. But today, I needed to up before the crack of dawn, packing the field trip bag and making sure that I have absolutely everything I need for today. Not only is it a very, very long day, it's also almost an hour long bus ride with 22 six and seven year olds that I need to mentally prepare myself for.

But a field trip day means I get to dress way more casually than I usually do. Instead of my usual teaching outfit, I'm closer to what I would actually wear outside of work, a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a deep red t shirt, my black running shoes replacing my usual choice of heels or boots. Chicago's been having oddly cool temperatures for this time of year and there is supposed to be a little bit of light rain later in the day, so I have a grey rain jacket shoved in my backpack. My makeup is lighter than usual and hair is pulled into a bun on top of my head.

"Babe?" I hear as I load the last of my stuff into my backpack, his voice heavy with sleep, letting me know that he's just now getting up.

"In here," I call.

"Why are you up so early?" He asks as he walks into the kitchen, his chest still bare from last night's activities, a pair of Army sweatpants hanging low on his hips.

"Field trip, remember?" I say as I lean up to kiss him. "Em, Celia and I are going in early just to work out all the schedules and make sure we're on the same page with everything,"

"Oh right, sorry I forgot about that,"

"No worries," I say as he pours a cup of coffee, "but I do have to leave like now, sorry,"

"Go to work, kick some ass, and have a good day okay?" He tells me as he leans against the island, drinking his first cup of coffee. I've already been through three today and there's a travel mug ready to grab on the way out.

"Thanks baby, but they're seven so I really hope I won't have to kick any ass," I joke as I grab my phone off the counter top. "I'll call you when I get to school okay?" I say as I grab the coffee mug off the counter.

"I'll just be sitting here waiting!" He yells behind me.

"Have a good day," I call behind me as let the door slam. Today's going to go well. It better.

* * *

"So how's the guy?" Celia asks with a glint in her eye, leaning forward as she rests her chin on top of her first. We all got here about half an hour ago and it turns out our prep didn't take nearly as long as we thought it would, so we've got about ten minutes to just hang out before the kids start arriving.

"He's good," I say with a bit of a laugh. My personal life is all they seem to care about these day. Every since I told them what had happened, well first off they don't ever shut up about how they were right, and they ask about him. Every. Freaking. Day. "Are we ever going to talk about anything else?"

"Well when something gets more interesting than this, yeah sure,"

"But we're so boring, we don't ever do anything. It's pretty drama free guys," I assure them.

"Yeah but the whole premise is kind of fascinating wouldn't you say?" Celia asks Emily.

"Cheating college boyfriend turns out to actually be Army hunk and now is back in Chicago working for your dad and dating you, I'd say so," Emily says with a smirk.

"Okay then, but do we really have to talk about it?" I say with a bit of a laugh. It is kind of insane, on the surface anyways. "Kids. Let's talk about kids,"

"Oh my God you guys would have such cute babies," Celia squeals with a look on her face.

"Very funny," I say with a bit of a glare, "not my hypothetical ones, Emily's very real ones," Though I quickly brush it off, her sentiment is not lost. It's not like I haven't thought about it before, we were together for almost four years.

"Well Mase asked me where babies came from this morning," She tells us. Celia and I don't even have to hear anything else, just from the looks of pure discomfort on her face, we burst out laughing.

"What did you tell him?" I ask as we come down from the high of laughing.

"A special hug," She says with a laugh, "He'll get the rest of the story in about four years from his dad, I'll take Reese but he's going to be in charge of telling our boys,"

"Seriously?" Celia says with a laugh.

"Yes I had to push all of them out a very small hole so I think he can handle the rest." She tells us with a bit of a smirk. "When you two have kids, you'll get it,"

"I'm just going to take your word for it," Celia says, slightly uncomfortably. She's the youngest out of the three of us and she still hasn't totally gotten the idea of having kids. She loves Em's kids, but I think her favorite part about all of that is that she just to play with them for a couple of hours, and then she gets to give them back.

"Well the kids are going to be here in five minutes, so we should probably head back to our rooms," I say. As much as I love talking with my girls, we really do need to get back.

"Alright, see you soon," Emily waves as Celia and I both get up to head across the hall to our classrooms. Here we go.

I don't waste time as I head to my desk and make sure for about the tenth time that I have absolutely everything I need, student medications on hand, attendance forms filed, and chaperone lists ready. It's not long before my students come filing through the door, all of them ready and jumping out of their shoes with excitement.

"Okay," I say as I stand in front of the room, all of my kids at desks in their chaperone groups and our chaperones lingering in the background, "has everybody gone to the bathroom? This bus ride is almost an hour and we can't stop for a bathroom break."

"Ms. Lindsay I didn't!" Jack Gramercy shouts.

"Me neither!" Adds another one of my students, Olivia Abbey. I internally groan. Of course they haven't. I told them to do it ten times, but of course they haven't done it.

"Okay please raise your hand if you haven't gone to the bathroom yet?" Half of my kids raise their hands. "Okay if you are a girl and you haven't gone to the bathroom, please go line up behind Charlotte's mom Ms. Baldwin. If you are a boy and you haven't gone to the bathroom yet, please go line up behind Nick's dad Mr. Calandra. Please be quick guys, we're supposed to be at the buses in fifteen minutes okay?" A few of them nod at me before rushing off with their chaperones. I look out my window and to my dismay, the rain has already started. It's not pouring so that's a good thing and now we just have to hope that it stops before we get to Brookfield.

* * *

I smile as we pull up to the front gates of the zoo, the rain stopped literally five minutes before we got here and I'm just hoping that it'll hold off for the rest of the day. The bus ride was surprisingly painless, no screaming kids, no crying kids and it basically was just me having to tell them several times to stop standing up, but I did get to have quite a nice conversation with Kate's mother Elisa and Tanner's mom Meredith.

But now I'm hearing them start to squirm behind me, they've all been so excited for this field trip and I know that I won't have very long to talk to them before they stop paying attention to me. Luckily, Celia and Emily are sharing the bus today and I'm flying solo so they'll only have to sit through me talking.

"One, two, three, eyes on me!" I call over the kids.

"One, two, eyes on you!" They all respond. There's always something so especially satisfying about that.

"Alright kids, so we're here and I know that you're all excited and anxious to start the day, but to make sure that everyone stays safe today, we have to go over a couple of things, okay?"

"Okay!" I get from a couple of my more eager kids.

"I'm going to go over your chaperone groups first, I want to make sure that everyone knows who they are supposed to stick with today. Let's start with Ms. Baldwin, could you please stand up?" She complies quickly. "Okay so Ms. Baldwin's group is Charlotte, Olivia, Lily, and Annie, you all know who you're supposed to go with?"

"Yes!" They all reply in unison. I didn't think I was going to have any problems with the four of them. They've been the closest of friends all year long their group is the result of Charlotte begging me to let them be in the same group since I told them we were going on this trip.

I go through the rest of the parents before finishing with myself. Usually I don't have my own group, just drifting between the groups and meeting with all the kids, but this time I didn't end up getting enough parent volunteers and I didn't really have another option. But I don't mind.

"My group is Kennedy, Beck, Karin, Jake and Avery, sound good guys?" I scan the bus as I get a head nod from all five of them, taking a mental snapshot of what all of them are wearing. Luckily, they all have fairly bright rain jackets on, which will make it easier to keep track of them.

"Great, so everyone knows where they're supposed to be right?" I ask as I slip my laminated list back into my bag.

"Yes Ms. Lindsay," I hear in unison.

"Okay, so main rule of today is that everyone needs to stay with their chaperone and please please listen to them. And say thank you, we wouldn't be able to come out here if it weren't for them. That's it, let's go everyone!" They cheer as the bus doors open and I'm the first one to disembark. And as my foot hits the black pavement, I feel a drop of rain on my nose. Fantastic.

* * *

I had given all of my chaperones freedom in terms of when they were going to eat lunch with the kids, so I kind of played it by ear. But when my kids started complaining about being hungry, we hightailed it to the picnic area because I knew that hungry kids equal cranky kids and that's the last thing I need today. The rain had stopped a little after we got there, but it was still a bit cold and everything was wet. Luckily, the picnic area we found was tables under a pavilion and everything was dry.

After handing out their lunches, I grab my cellphone from my bag to check if I have any messages from any of the chaperones. Nothing. But I do set it out on the table, so I'll be quick to respond if any of them need something.

I listen in as they chat, Karin playfully arguing with the twins Tanner and Beckett and Kennedy and Avery talking about some new movie that I've never heard of. I feel the table buzz and I look down to my phone, it's not one of my chaperones, but Jay. I reluctantly, but quickly decline his call, knowing that I'm not supposed to take personal calls when I'm working.

"Who was that?" Karin asks, suddenly way more enthralled with me than she was with either of the boys.

"My boyfriend Jay,"

"You have a boyfriend?" She asks, her eyes wide. They've mentioned it a few times and to all of them, the whole idea of dating is like incredible.

"I do," I say with a smile.

"Why didn't you answer him?" Avery asks. They're like tiny, less hardcore Celias.

"Cause I'm hanging out with you guys," I tell them with a smile, quickly realizing that explaining the no cell phone policy would lead to many more questions.

"Okay," Avery answers, seeming satisfied with that response.

"So," I ask, eager to change the subject. "What animal do you guys want to see after lunch?"

"Can we go see the giraffes?" Beckett asks gently.

"No, I want to see the rhinos!" His twin brother Tanner exclaims, his volume easily trumping Beck's. The twins are hard, they argue all the time, but they hate being apart from each other. So you either have to suck it up and deal with the arguing or

"Well," I say, taking a peek at the map, "you are in luck because rhinos and the giraffes are right next to each other," I say in my attempt at a diplomatic resolution. "So we can go see the giraffes and the rhinos, is that okay with everyone?"

"I guess so," Tanner says as the rest of my kids nod.

"Okay then, rhinos and giraffes it is,"

* * *

We got back maybe half an hour ago, a little more than an hour after school got out and it was dumping rain. The school was closed, so we were huddling around seventy people into the very much not big enough covering in front of the school's front doors. It took about twenty minutes for all the kids to get picked up, so after saying a quick goodbye to Emily and Celia, I hightailed it to the parking lot and basically threw myself into my car.

Though the rain at the end of the day was a hurdle, everything else went unbelievably smoothly and all of the kids had a great time.

I grab my phone and I as I plug it into my car charger, I notice four missed calls from Jay, all within the last like hour. That's weird and it's so out of character for him, but I guess I should call him back. Still confused, I tap on his name and wait for him to pick up, he answers on the third ring.

"Hey baby," I say into the phone, "Sorry I couldn't pick up your calls today, there was a no cellphone policy,"

"Erin?" I hear. That's not Jay's voice. That's weird, why is someone else on his phone? Weirder than that, why is it Hannah?

"Hannah?" I ask confused, "Why the hell are you on Jay's phone?"

"Because we knew that you would be more likely to pick us his call," She tells me slowly.

"Han what the hell is going on?" I ask frantically as I start to panic.

"Erin you need to come to Med, right now," She tells me, "Jay's been shot,"

* * *

 **Don't hate me guys! But please let me know what you thought of this chapter!**

 **Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	8. 19 Hours

**I'm not sure how much I like this chapter, but I wanted to get something up for guys before the weekend and I hope you guys enjoy it!**

 **As always, I apologize for any spelling or grammar issues that I may have missed, this was a very quick edit done, very late at night.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

"What do you mean he's been shot?" I ask, now in full fledged panic mode. "Hannah what the hell happened?"

"I'll explain when you get here, just get here okay?" She says, holding back tears within her voice.

"Okay," I say before quickly hanging up the call and screech out of the parking lot. I don't think I've ever driven that fast or that recklessly, all while trying not to have a total panic attack. I can feel the tears and the terror bashing at the floodgate, trying with all their might to break through the locks.

I do a half assed job of parking the Compass, probably pissing off the person who'll have to park next to me. But at this point, I couldn't care less. I just have to get to him. That's all that matters. I don't care that I look like crap or that I'm so tired I could fall over or that I'm soaking wet and there's water dripping off the ends of my hair. None of it matters anymore.

I burst through the sliding doors of the Chicago Med emergency room, the rubber of my shoes squeaking against the linoleum floors, refusing to move as fast as I want them to.

"Hannah!" I exclaim, her face being the first that I see. She looks terrified, pacing up and down a hallway just past the exit of the ER.

"Erin," She says gratefully, stopping on her heels as she looks straight at me, those big hazel eyes filled with fear and worry.

"Where is he?" I demand as we speed walk beside each other, I hope towards Jay. Suddenly, I can't feel the tears anymore, stopped completely by pure adrenaline.

"He's in surgery," She tells me, "the rest of the unit is the waiting room, I came down her to wait for you,"

"Thank you," I tell her gratefully.

"Don't thank me, please don't thank me," She says under her breath. I know she didn't want me to hear that, but my days of hearing six year olds talk under their breath has tuned me. I can't imagine why that just came out of her mouth, but it's not the time to ask.

The two of us rush to the waiting room, the entire unit waiting there, Voight standing over everyone in the corner, Olinsky tucked in a chair opposite of him and Atwater and Ruzek both sitting next to each other with their heads hanging low, Kim sitting across from them and tapping her foot impatiently.

"Erin," Hank says as he notices me.

"Hi," I say, my voice breaking slightly. Seeing him here,with that look on his face, it only terrifies me more. Hank Voight doesn't get scared, nothing fazes him. But the look on his face right now, I've only seen it a handful of times.

"What do you know?"

"Nothing," I answer simply.

"C'mon kid," He says, placing a hand at the top of my back and leading towards a an inlet in the hallway.

"What the hell happened?" I ask tearfully, starting to feel the tears finally start to pool in the corners of my eyes.

"It was a UC buy in the doorway, Hannah and Jay. We've done it a million times, but the guy got spooked and he pulled a gun, two shots to the chest and a bullet in his forearm,"

"How is it looking for him?" I ask, trying not to imagine him lying lifeless and pale on that operating room table, blood flowing from those three bullet holes. He doesn't say anything, his eyes drifting to the floor. "Hank I swear to God if you don't tell me the tru-,"

"Erin it's not looking good," He says. That's all it takes. I collapse into a puddle of tears, my read propped on his shoulder as my tears soak through that leather jacket I've seen so many times.

"How bad?" I ask, once I've gotten as close to normal as we're going to get, still wiping tears from my eyes.

"How honest do you want me to be?" He asks. That means it's bad, really, really bad, because Hank Voight doesn't ask if you want him to be honest, he just is.

"Talk to me like I'm not your daughter and his girlfriend," I tell him. I know I'm probably going to regret it when I do know, but I can't be in the dark.

On a scale of one to ten, he's at a nine. It's bad Erin. But they put their best guys on it. And he's a fighter. He's been through two tours as a Ranger in Afghanistan and lived to tell the tale, he can make it through this."

"He's going to make it," I say, still unsure of my words.

"He's going to make it,"

* * *

"Family for Jay Halstead?"

"Right here," Al says, rising from his place next to Hannah as some doctor walks into the door. I read his coat, Dr. Connor Rhodes. It's been hours since we've gotten here and the minutes have been ticking by like hours, feeling like time was never going to pass. My had dried in awkward waves around my face and any traces of makeup are long gone, today's field trip in the rain seems like it's several worlds away, but I still don't feel anything. I'm numb.

"There was a lot of a blood loss and we lost him on the table, twice." I feel my heart drop in my chest, hoping that he'l elaborate, that that's not the end of it. "But we got him back. The next 24 hours are critical, but if we can keep him alive, he'll be out of the woods."

"So it's a waiting game?" Hannah asks.

"Yes, all we can do is monitor him and make sure that his stats continue to be stable until he wakes up,"

"Okay," Hannah says, looking dejected.

"Can we visit him?" Hank asks.

"He's not going to be awake for hours and visiting hours are over, so we can only have family in the ICU,"

"I'm his wife," I say abruptly, surprising myself even as I instinctively go to cover my left hand. I get a couple of surprised glances, but I know no one is going to say anything. The last thing anyone wants is for him to be alone when he wakes up and if that requires me lying about my marital status, that's what it takes.

"Okay, I'll take you back. But for the rest of you, go home and get some rest. You can come back in the morning," Hank nods at him as the unit begins to reluctantly shuffle out of the hospital waiting area.

"You going to be okay kid?" Hank asks.

"Yeah I'm good, go home," I tell him as I grab my bag off one of the chairs, glad that they're finally letting me see him, even if it required lying.

"You sure?" He asks, making sure.

"It's not like you can lie too, I'll be okay," I assure him in a whisper, making sure that Dr. Rhodes can't hear me.

"Call me if you need anything, I'll be back in the morning okay?"

"Okay," I say as he lays a kiss on the top of my head.

"You ready?" Dr. Rhodes asks me.

"Yeah,"

"Let's go,"

* * *

"What are you still doing here?" I ask. It's been maybe four hours since Jay came out of surgery and I haven't left his bedside. But I knew I was about to crash, I needed to flood my system with caffeine if I wanted to stay awake. Will's dropped in a few times, but he's on shift so for the majority of the time it's just been me, waiting for a word or a blink, something to tell me that he's alive, anything.

So as I made my way to the cart, you can imagine my surprise as I see none other than Hannah Davis.

"I knew that I couldn't go back there, but he's my partner. We don't leave, I have his back and he has mine,"

"Until the wheels come off," We both say in unison. Hank always said it to me, but I didn't know he used it with anyone else, though it does make sense. Hank met Hannah when she was 20, it was her first year on patrol and they needed her for a UC operation. They pulled her up and ever since then, he's kept her under his wing, going so far as pulling her up into Intelligence when he was given the go ahead to hire his own unit.

"You want coffee?" I ask, cutting into the small moment that we shared.

"Yeah," She tells me, "I haven't slept in like 22 hours,"

"Let's go," I say, guiding her sleep deprived body towards the coffee cart. I know that I'm panicking as I wait for him to wake up, but I can't imagine what she's going through right now. She was the one that was there when it happened. She's running through every scenario in her head a million times over, wondering if there was anything she could have done to change the outcome, why they picked him and not her. I couldn't deal with that.

"I'm glad he has you," I tell her, in an attempt to maybe calm her nerves, even just a little bit.

"What?" She asks, looking up at me as the hot, dark thin liquid flows into the Styrofoam cups.

"I'm glad that he has you with him everyday. That someone who has his back is someone that he trusts, that I trust, and that Hank trusts. So thank you, I don't know what I would do if I had to know that he was out there every day with a stranger," She nods sheepishly and smiles at me, she's not going to accept it, I know that because I know her.

But I was thinking about this while he was in surgery. This is what I would have felt like everyday that I knew he was overseas. I would never know if he was okay and if something like this happened, it wouldn't be a twenty minute drive in the rain. I wouldn't even be able to see him.

"Well he's a good partner, the best one I've had in awhile and I guess I kind of owe it to you that he's here, so thank you,"

"Come back with me,"

"What?" She ask.

"The chairs are more comfortable in there and if it's two of us in there, we can tag team and maybe get some sleep," I offer, knowing very well that I won't be falling asleep but having some company might be nice.

"I think you know pretty well that neither of us are going to sleep," She adds with sheepish smile. "Besides, they said only family,"

"And so if anyone asks, you're his half sister, Hannah Davis," I tell her as we make our way back to the double doors.

"Then are you my sister-in-law?" She teases, making fun of my stories.

"Sure," I tell her, grateful for her ability to lighten the mood in this tense, tense mood even for few seconds.

* * *

"I didn't have his back," Hannah says, out of absolutely nowhere.

"What?" I ask, sitting up from my curled up position on the chair. It's been another maybe two hours since she came back with me and neither of us have really said anything, it's just been me curled up in a chair by the side of his bed and Hannah in a couch in the corner of the room. I can almost feel the dark bags forming under my eyes, but I can't go to sleep, not yet.

"That's why I can't leave, I didn't have his back. He had mine," She says, not able to look me in the eyes.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, getting up to join her on the couch.

"Those bullets, they weren't meant for him, they were meant for me. He saw the gun and he knew they were going to shoot, he jumped in front of me" She says as tears begin to run down her face.

"Hannah," I say as I reach over to hug her. I haven't been able to allow my emotions to come to bay, this is about her and Jay, not me.

"No," She says as she pushes me away, "If he doesn't make it through this, I don't know what I'm going to do,"

"No, you can't think like that," I assure her, placing a hand on shoulder, not waiting for her permission this time. "He's going to be okay,"

"Erin I'm not like, I can't think like that. I'm not hopelessly optimistic like you are, I don't run around with little kids all day and puts posters with rainbows and smiley faces on my classroom walls,"

"You really don't know me do you?"

"What?"

"You know that Hank and his wife adopted me, but they adopted me when I was 16. I didn't grow up with the smiley faces and the rainbows, I grew up with a heroin addicted mother and baby brother who I took care of everyday of his life. The only reason that I'm a teacher is that I knew if I could help even one kid, make their day a little bit better, that's what I was going to do. That's why I have the smiley faces and the rainbows and I'm not hopelessly optimistic, I just have some very tall and very strong walls built up. That just happens to be one of them,"

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea," She says.

"How could you? I don't talk about it, Hank doesn't talk about it," I tell her.

"Does he know?"

"Hannah, he knows everything about me, the good, the bad, the ugly. Jay knows it all," I tell her, "and that's why he has to be okay. He's going to be okay,"

"I want him to be okay. I want him to be okay so bad. But I saw it happen and it wasn't good, it could have been me. He took a bullet for me, no one has ever taken a bullet for me," She tells me, her eyes teary and voice breaking.

"I know, but you're his partner. He'd take a bullet for you a million times over if it meant that you'd be okay, that's just how he is,"

"I know, I'm lucky to have him," She says. I can almost feel the lump in her throat and I know that she's about to loose it.

"We both are," I tell her as I grab her hand.

"So what do we do now?" She asks. I'd been doing a countdown. Dr. Rhodes said we needed to keep him alive for the next 24 hours. It's been five. We still have 19 to go. 19 hours until he's out of the woods. 19 hours until he's okay.

"We wait,"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	9. Three Bullets

**Hopefully my updates will be more frequent now, I have completed the majority of my exams (for now at least) so I'm hoping to be writing more. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

 **As usual, please ignore any grammatical or spelling errors that I may have made, I am not the best at editing.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

Hour 15. It's been fifteen hours and he's still not awake. But he's alive and that's what matters right now. Hannah's still here and the rest of the unit has dropped in here and there, but it's been me and her for the long haul. Of course and Will, he came in here as soon as his shift was over and fell asleep in a chair on the other side of his bed. I took a minute to email my principal, letting her know what was going on and that I was going to need some time off, but other than that I've just sat here and stared at him. His vitals have been stable and there hasn't been any scares. So we wait.

* * *

Hour 19. Five hours left. Five hours until he's out of the woods. He just has to make it five more hours.

"Erin?" Hannah asks from her place across the room. She hasn't moved since I brought her in here almost fifteen hours ago with the exception of the occasional bathroom break.

"Yeah?" I respond, not taking my eyes off of Jay. She fell asleep for a couple hours a little while ago and Will's been out cold since her got here, but I haven't been able to let my eyes close. It always feels like something is going to wrong if I do. And I can't lose him, I just got him back.

"What happened between the two of you?" She asks, "You seemed so mad, that first day,"

"Well I was," I say with a slight chuckle, thinking back to that day in the bullpen. God I was so mad. I don't know if I was madder at Jay for just being there or at Hank for allowing him to be there. But I was mad. "Jay and I have quite a history,"

"Feel like sharing? Maybe pass the time?" She offers.

"Why not," I say with a smile. I've always liked Hannah and I know that Jay wouldn't tell her this. He would think they should be more professional, but she's not my co-worker or my partner, she's just my friend. "So we met the third day of my freshman year at UIUC, he was a sophomore. I was on the quad with my now best friend, then brand new roommate Kat. She thought he was hot and this is a girl with no shame and no fear. So we went over, she made a total fool of herself, but we became really friends. It was the two of us and Jay's friend Alex and we did everything together. I don't really remember how it happened, but I think during the fall or winter maybe of my freshman year we got together and we never looked back,"

"Until?" She asks, knowing very well that something went wrong there.

"Until the day of graduation, life happened and uh that was the end of us,"

"Until he came back," She says.

"Until he came back," I repeat with a smile, reaching down to take Jay's hand in mine.

"I haven't known him for very long, but I can tell you that every time that he talks about you or you walk into the room, his face lights up like a kid on Christmas morning,"

"Well I got pretty lucky with him," I tell her. She opens her mouth to respond, but we start to hear Jay start gagging. My heart rate skyrockets. This is the first sign of activity that we've seen from him but I don't know if it's good or bad. It doesn't look good, gagging is almost never good.

"Wake up Will," I tell her quickly before shouting into the hallway, "We need some help in here!" My attitude and pace has completely changed within a couple of seconds.

"He's waking up," Will tells us rapidly as I come back into the room, a bunch of nurses not far behind me.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask, tear starting to run down my face. "What do you mean?"

"He's choking on the tubing," He says as he grabs a pair of gloves from a box, not losing his calm, the exact opposite of both me and Hannah. "Bro, relax I got you,"

I grab his hand and I can't tell you have relieved I am when he squeezes it back. I can't help but cringe as Will pulls the long tubing out of his throat,removing the mask and Jay's chest finally raises and falls on it's own.

"Water," He chokes out. Hannah moves quickly, tossing a straw in one of those pink plastic and holding it up to his lips.

"How are you feeling brother?" Will asks him once he's finished.

"Like I just got shot," He says with a groan.

"Well you did," He says with a bit of a laugh. "I'm going to go grab Rhodes, hang tight,"

"Well I'm not going to be going anywhere soon," He jokes. How does he do that? He just came out of a coma and he's here cracking joke while I have tears running down my face.

"You scared the crap out of me," I tell him as I reach down to kiss him.

"Sorry babe, you know how it is," He says once I pull away.

"Never again," I tell him.

"I'll try my best," He tells me with a weak laugh.

"Hey," Hannah says, finally coming forward, her dark ringlets wild around her face.

"What's up Davis," He says with a small grin.

"I am so sorry Jay," She tells him rapidly. She's been freaking out about it ever since I've gotten here. She hasn't said much about it, but it's not hard to tell.

"No," He says weakly, "Don't do that. We're partners and it's what we do, you would have done the same thing for me and I don't want to hear about it again okay? We move on. And you can't argue with me because I just got shot,"

"Okay," She says with a laugh, "I won't say anything,"

"Now go call Voight and tell him that I'm not dead," He instructs her, that smile not leaving his face.

"Okay," She says before ducking out of the room.

"C'mere," He says, gesturing towards his left side, the one without the bullets.

"Seriously?" I ask.

"Yeah I've got four minutes tops before Rhodes shows up and Hannah won't take that long, I want to hold my girl,"

"You just got shot," I argue.

"I don't care," He tells me.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you," I finally concede before climbing into bed with him.

"You won't," He tells me as I lay my head down on the clear side of his chest. "How was your field trip?" I laugh. He's lying in a hospital bed with a IV in his arm and three bullet holes, but he wants to know how my day was at the zoo with my kids. Of course he does. That's just him.

"It was raining, but they had a really good time," I tell him as he runs his fingers through my hair with his still intact arm.

"What about you?" He asks.

"I liked watching them have a good time," I tell him. "And I did get licked by a giraffe which made for some pretty great photos,"

"Hey," He says, grabbing my attention.

"Yeah?"

"I love you," He says. It's not a far leap to say that I'm shocked by his words, but I don't hesitate in responding.

"I love you too,"

* * *

It's been a week since the shooting and I've been off work. Jay's been staying with me and I would have taken more time off, but he insisted that I go back. Today's my first day back and it feels odd, going to work. I love my kids and I've missed them, but I know that I'm just going to be worrying about Jay all day. He claims he's fine, but it's still three gunshot wounds and a broken arm, so I'm still going to worry.

He was still asleep when I left this morning, but I left his meds and a note on his bedside table, so hopefully I'll be getting a text within the next hour.

It felt good this morning, knowing that I was going back to doing what I loved. It also gave me an excuse to put on makeup, get dressed and do my hair. This entire week has been so casual and focused purely on making sure that he was okay. But today, I chose to wear one of my favorite outfits, a deep green dress printed with fox heads and a cropped yellow blazer, along with a pair of brown flats and a leather watch. It's a little more out there than my usual style, but it's bright and happy and that's what I need this week.

I pull my card out of my bag and swipe it past the sensor, the door clicking open and allowing me access to my school. I got her early on purpose, knowing that my room is going to be in some sort of disarray after having a sub in her for the past five days and I know that I'm going to have to do a little more cleanup than I usually would. It's also making me a little nervous because I know that my kids' behavior is not going to be as good as it usually is because they've had subs all week. But I've got my coffee, so we'll be okay. I'll make it through.

"Hey sunshine," Emily says, joining me in the hallway on our way to the first grade wing. "Welcome back,"

"Thanks," I say as I pull her in for a quick hug.

"How are you doing?" She asks.

"We're good, he's healing up pretty well, luckily the bullet didn't shatter the bone in his arm, it just nicked part of his humerus so there shouldn't be any long term injuries. He's getting a little stir crazy and he's still off for another four weeks, so I don't know how that's even supposed to happen,"

"Okay I'm glad that Jay's getting better and that he's okay, but that's not what I asked. I want to know how you're doing," She says.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused by her question.

"Well your boyfriend got shot and you sat by his bedside for 24 hoping that he wasn't going to die. So I'm going to ask you again, how are you doing?"

"I'm good, really. I'm okay," I tell her. I'm not lying. I'm okay now, but those nineteen hours easily are up there with some of the worst nineteen hours of my entire life. But he made it through, we made it through and now we're on the other side. All we can do now is move forward.

"Would you tell me if you weren't?" She says with a look.

"Probably not," I tell her honestly, "but seriously, I'm okay. I promise. He's alive and he's okay, so I'm okay."

"Alright if you need anything, like a night out or a distraction from your very cute four year old goddaughter, give me a call. I got your back okay?"

"I'll keep that in mind," I say as we arrive at our classrooms, "Thanks Em,"

"Anytime sissy, you want to do lunch together today? Catch up a little?" She offers. "It's been a while, on Celia, Erin, and Emily terms at least,"

"Yeah sounds good," I tell her before unlocking the blue door to my classroom. I groan as I take it all in. It's not messy per say, I just have quite a specific way that I like to keep thing, which is insanely organized. But it's not too bad and I should be able to get it back to the way I like it within maybe fifteen minutes.

I quickly tidy up my room, putting things back into drawers and clearing off counter tops. Then I sit down at my laptop, finishing up my lesson plans for the day and grabbing a few things from my bag that I have to make copies of while my kids are at art this morning. I wanted to do something fun for the kids today, sort of an apology for being gone for so long and right now in math we're working on creating shapes. Originally they were just supposed to draw them in their books, but last night I went out and bought mini marshmallows and toothpicks so they can make the shapes with those. I know that it's probably going to messy and they are going to end up eating some of the marshmallows, but it'll be fun and they deserve it.

I still have maybe twenty minutes before my kids are supposed to start coming in, so I decide to get a jump start on tomorrow's lesson plans. I notice my phone buzz next to me and I look over to see a text from Jay. Finally.

 _Saw your note, took the meds. Now going to do yet another marathon of Law and Order reruns. Have a great day at work, I'll see you when I get home. I love you -J_

I smile. He loves me. I have a guy that loves me. And I love him back.

 _Have fun with Law and Order, text me if you need anything. Don't rip those stitches, Love you. -E_

After typing out a quick response to his text, I toss my phone back in my bag, determined to finish up my science lesson for tomorrow before the kids start filing in.

"Ms Lindsay you're back!" I hear from a little voice. I recognize it and look up to see the dark hair of Jack Gramercy.

"Hey buddy," I say, quickly shutting my laptop and getting up to give him a quick hug.

"I missed you,"

"Aw well I missed you too," I tell him, "but we have a lot to get done today, so go put away your bag on the hook and start working on the morning work okay? It's already on your desk,"

"Okay," He tells me with a smile before rushing off to put his bag away. I go through a similar routine with the majority of my students and before long they're all sitting at their desks and working on the couple of easy math problems that I've assigned them.

A few of the students that have a closer relationship with me, mainly Karin and Kennedy have given me a rundown of what went down while I was out. I felt bad because they said that most of their subs were bad and didn't really want to be there with them. I hate that they had to deal with that, but I knew where I was needed most, and that was with Jay. But I'm back now, so all we can do is move on and move forward, and that won't just apply in the classroom.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! As always, if you guys have any questions or comments, please don't hesitate to drop me a PM.**

 **Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	10. All In

**Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter, I read every single one and they really do make me so happy and encourage me to write faster, so keep them coming!**

 **Hope you guys enjoy this chapter and happy reading!**

* * *

 **Jay**

"Hey baby," I hear as the front door swings open. Thank God, I have been so bored all day long. Plus I've been waiting for the last seven hours to see her beautiful face and kiss those gorgeous lips.

"Hey babe," I respond as she runs over to the couch to drop a quick kiss to my lips before dropping her very large teacher bag on the kitchen table. "How was your first day back at work?"

"So good, the kids all missed me and I missed them so much, it was just awesome to see them. I did have a few behavior problems with Oliver and Bella, but that's normal and it wasn't anything that I couldn't handle. It was still a really, really good day Jay," She says. I can't see her face, but I know that there is a huge smile across her lips. There always is when she talks about her kids.

I feel a pang of guilt. I'm the reason that she was out for so long, but I know not to say anything. She would shut me up so fast. I know that it was her choice to take the time off, but it won't stop me from feeling guilty about it.

"Well I'm glad, you deserved to have a good day," I tell her as she settles herself on the couch next to me, leaning into my side without the sling. I inhale her familiar scent, one that hasn't really changed since our college days.

"How was your day?" She asks.

"Oh just great," I say with only an ounce of sarcasm. Realistically, my day was the same as every other day has been for the past two weeks. Boring, boring as all hell. I do the same thing everyday, sit around the damned apartment as I try not to pull my stitches or strain my arm any further. It sucks, it sucks so bad. But the more I rest, the faster I can heal, and the faster I heal, the sooner I get to go back to work. But it was a pretty pain free day, though that may be at the hands of the very strong painkillers that they have me on.

"Alright," She says unsure, not buying it but quickly realizing that I don't really want to talk about it any longer. "Do you want to order pizza? Kick it back to our days at UIUC? And I also have to cut out about a hundred rectangles of paper and then staple them into books for the kids projects tomorrow and I don't know about you, but I'm not really feeling up to cooking,"

"I won't be super helpful with the cutting," I say, gesturing to my arm currently trapped by the sling, "but I can definitely pick up the phone and order a pizza,"

"Works for me," She says as she picks her head off my chest, quickly getting up from the couch as I grab my cell phone off the side table.

"You still like black olives and pepperoni?" I ask her as I hear her pulling probably mountains of paper out from her bag.

"Yep!" She responds as I stifle a bit of a laugh. That was something we always used to tease her about, all three of us.

"Sounds good," I tell her as I dial the number. I quickly order the pizza as Erin returns to the coffee table, a paper cutter and a pile of about a hundred papers in hand. Since moving in with her, I have much a greater appreciation for everything that teachers do. I guess I never really thought about it, but their days don't end at 3:15 like I always thought. Almost every single day, Erin either comes home around six or armed with a crap load of work that she still has to finish, most days, like today, being a combination of both. Most nights, she's up late into the night preparing projects for her kids or grading papers or just creating new things for her classroom. So, what I've learned, is that my girlfriend; she's a superhero.

* * *

 **Erin**

We've both been waiting for this day for the past six weeks. The day that Jay finally gets to go back to work. He's been anxiously waiting around the house and yesterday, he finally got the clearance from Dr. Rhodes, his physical therapist, Dr. Charles, and the most tentative person, Hank Voight.

So today, I decided to get up early and attempt at making an actual breakfast. Attempt is the key word. What that actually means is that I accidentally set off the smoke detector after I got distracted and then Jay ran into the room in a panic, followed by a fit of laughter as he realized it was just me trying to make French toast. Very honestly, I don't know how I've survived on my own for so long, I guess some days are just better than others.

But we were still up early, so we rushed into getting dressed and decided to go out for breakfast to celebrate.

"You excited to go back to work?" I ask Jay as he takes a long sip of his black coffee. We went to a little place that we used to go to called Stella's. Old habits die hard right?

"You have no idea," He responds, his star hung around his neck and back in it's familiar place, his gun holstered on his left hip. "I'm just worried that Voight is going to baby me for a little while,"

"You really think that Hank would baby anyone?" I joke.

"True," He offers.

"Besides, even if he does, Hannah won't stand for any of that," I assure him.

"Yeah," He says, though I can tell he's a little out of it.

"Hey," I say, getting his eyes to connect with mine, "What's up?"

"Nothing," He assures me.

"Don't you dare lie to me," I say, my voice light even though he knows I'm not joking.

"What are we doing about the living situation?" He asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused, "what situation?"

"Well, I've only been staying with you because I was recovering, I'm not recovering anymore," He tells me. Wow. I didn't even think about that, he's been living with me for so long I've kind of just adhered to it, it's become normal. But I know what he's saying, he wants to move out.

"You want to move out?" I question.

"It's the next logical step, right?" He says, seeming unsure, something that I selfishly feel good about.

"Well it is the next logical step," I say, deciding to take a little bit of a leap, "but when have we ever done things logically?"

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"Don't move out," I say slowly, hanging on to each and every word.

"What?" He questions. He doesn't look totally shocked, but he wasn't expecting me to say this, not today anyway.

"We already know that we love each other, we've loved each other since I was nineteen years old. Now we're just, making up for lost time right? Why not do it a little bit faster?" I offer.

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" He asked, an eyebrow cocked.

"I guess I am," I tell him. "Are you saying yes?"

"I guess I am," He says with that stupid smirk on his face. A huge smile spread across my lips and if he weren't two and half feet across that table, I would plant a huge kiss on those lips. "I'm all in Er, all in,"

"Here's to making up for lost time?" I offer as I raise my mug.

"To making up for lost time," He agrees before clinking his against mine, a sparkle in those big blue eyes.

* * *

 **Jay**

"Hey ho, look who's back!" Ruzek says, giving me a slap on the back as I walk back into the bullpen.

"How was your break?" Atwater asks, "almost thought we were going to have to put you on disability,"

"Very funny guys," I say with a smirk, Hannah handing me a mug of coffee. I've already had two cups today, but with this job, you never can have enough caffeine. That's something I learned very quickly. But the celebrations are cut short as I hear the office door swing open.

"Halstead, get over here," He barks.

"Duty calls," I tell them all before rushing over to Voight office.

"Take a seat," He says from behind his oak desk. I quickly comply as looks at me with those stony eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm just happy to be back," I tell him.

"Not what I meant, are you ready to work?" He asks me.

"Yes, absolutely," I assure him. I don't think I've ever been more ready for anything.

"Good," He replies, "how are things with Erin?"

"They're good," I tell him. I keep it short and decide to keep the part about her asking me to move in out. Not that I think he'll kill me, he knows that I've been staying with her for the past six weeks, but that's something that she should get to tell him.

"Good. You going to hurt her again?" He asks.

"No sir," I respond quickly. I'm not sure of a lot right now, but if I'm sure of one thing it's that I will not screw this up again. I let her go once, I'm not letting it happen twice.

"Good, now get the hell out of my office and get to work,"

"Of course," I say, it being strangely comforting that he's still the same Voight even in the face of all this change.

"Oh Halstead?" He calls as I'm about to walk out the door.

"Yes?" I say as I look back at him.

"I'm glad that you're okay," He tells me.

"Me too,"

* * *

"So," Adam says as he spins towards me in a chair. "What are we doing tonight?"

"What do you mean what are we doing?" I ask as I look at him over my desk. It's been kind of a slow day, we didn't get any cases and Voight even let Al go home early to let him spend some time with Michelle. But all I really planned on doing tonight is going to back to our apartment and chilling out with my girl.

"It's your first day back, did you think we just weren't going to do anything?" Hannah adds in.

"I figured the immense teasing this morning was my welcome home," I joke.

"Oh if you thought that was teasing you have got another thing coming," Kim says with a big of a laugh.

"Anyway, we're taking you out," Adam reiterates.

"Seriously?"

"Yes seriously." Hannah fills in. "You didn't die and now you're back at work, that's something that we should celebrate,"

"Fine," I concede, not taking much pushing. I have missed hanging out with these guys and maybe a night at Molly's wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. "Just let me give Erin a call, I was supposed to hang out with her tonight,"

"Have her meet us there!" Kim encourages.

"Yeah we kinda like her more than you," Hannah teases.

"Yeah I kinda like her more than me too," I say with a bit of a laugh. "Hold on, let me give her a call," I step into the break room, knowing that if I make the call here I'll get mocked by the rest of the unit for anything and everything that I might say.

I dial her number from memory and listen as I wait for her to pick up. She picks up on the second ring.

"Hey babe." She answers, "you coming home soon?" Home.

"Not exactly," I answer.

"You backing out on me already Halstead?" She jokes.

"Very funny, you can't get rid of me that easily," I tell her with a laugh.

"Okay, what's up?"

"The guys want to take me out for drinks to celebrate my first day back and they've all requested that you attend,"

"I mean I guess so," She says, stringing the words out as she teases me.

"Molly's?" I ask, knowing that her answer will be yes.

"Of course, I'm still at school so it'll be a little while," She says.

"Baby you work too hard," I tell her.

"Yeah okay says the guy who got shot on the job two months ago," She says with a bit of a laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll see you soon okay?" I promise.

"Alright, I love you," She says.

"I love you too," I tell her, "drive safe,"

"I will, don't get shot again," She says with a small laugh.

"I'll try my best," I tell her with a chuckle.

"Is she coming?" Hannah asks once I'm back in the bullpen.

"Yeah she's coming," I tell them all.

"Fantastic, let's roll out,"

* * *

 **Erin**

My eyes flit over to the unit as soon as I push open the heavy wooden front door of Molly's Bar, the twinkle lights illuminating the room with a warm glow.

"There's my girl," Jay says as he comes over to me, throwing his arm around my shoulder and pressing a kiss to the side of my head.

"How was your day?" I ask as we begin making our way towards the rest of his friends.

"It just got a whole lot better," He whispers in my ear.

"You're here!" Hannah exclaims as she pulls me into a tight hug, her raven hair brushing against my shoulders. Since the shooting and the nineteen hours of hell that we spent together by Jay's bedside, Hannah and I have definitely gotten a lot closer.

"Well of course," I say as she releases me. "Hey guys," I say as Jay hands me a beer.

"Good to see you Erin," Kevin says as the other simply give me a warm smile. I've only taken a few sips, the conversation finally starting to flow as I feel my phone buzz in my back pocket. I pull it out to check it.

"Who is it babe?" Jay asks as he looks over at me.

"It's John," I say, extremely confused.

"Who?" He asks.

"Kat's husband," I say as I look up at him, he never calls me. Any communication we have is always either in person or through Kat.

"Well pick it up," Kim urges me.

"Okay, okay," I say, throwing my hands up in defense as I slide my finger across the screen to answer the call. "John, what's up?"

"Erin, you've got to get your ass up to Glencoe," He tells me.

"Why what's wrong?" I ask in a slight panic.

"Nothing's wrong," He says his voice staying calm, "Kat went into labor and she wants you here,"

"She's in labor?" I exclaim, probably a little too loudly and with a little too much excitement, getting weird glances from the rest of the group.

"We just checked in at North Shore, she's at five centimeters dilated and she wants to kill me, so get up here,"He says.

"Okay, give me an hour, I'll see you soon," I promise him. "I gotta go," I announce to the group. "My best friend is having a baby." I say kind of in disbelief.

"Wow okay," Jay says as the rest of the unit cheers around me. "Let's go,"

"You're coming with?" I ask as I grab my bag off the bar.

"I told you I was all in didn't I?" He says with that boyish grin.

"Okay then," I say as I look up at him. "Let's go,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I want to give a quick shout out to a guest reviewer named Sophia, thank you so much for your incredibly kind review, it made my day and really got me to sit down and write this chapter.**

 **Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	11. Making It Up

**Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story! The response to this one has been so much bigger than my other stories and you guy shave completely blown me away! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and you'll leave me a quick review telling me what you think!**

 **As always, I apologize for any grammar or spelling errors I may have missed.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

"You excited?" Jay asks me as we ride up in the elevator towards the maternity unit.

"About the baby yes? About having to experience Kat in a labor, that one's going to be a hard no," I respond with a slight laugh, only half joking.

My best friend has always been loud and she's never been afraid to let people know exactly what she's thinking and the pain will probably only accentuate that. If you couple that with her near hatred of Jay, you might say that I'm a little nervous. I'm hoping that she'll be civil, we do have an agreement after all, but I'm pretty sure pushing a large baby out of a very small holes is an acceptable reason for all that to go out the window.

"It'll be fine," He assures me, placing his hand on my shoulder and somehow knowing exactly what to say.

"I know," I tell him, the elevator bells dinging as we step out into the linoleum hallways, my heels clicking along the floor. "Hi," I say as I approach the front desk, "I'm here to see Katherine Walsh,"

"Room 463, take a right and just follow the signs," She tells me. "You can't miss it,"

"Thank you," I say, taking Jay's hand in mine and nodding at her before continuing down the hallway to see Kat. I'm not sure how far away we are, but I don't hear any screams yet so that has to be a good thing.

"You sure she's going to want to see me?" Jay asks, "She did slap me in the face last time,"

"Uh," I say as I bit down slightly on my bottom lip. "I'm sorry, I know that you came here with me, but do you mind heading to the waiting room? I'll come see you soon once I've cleared the premises and made sure that she won't kill you,"

"Not a problem babe," He says as he presses a kiss to my forehead. God what did I do to deserve him?

"Thank you," I say gratefully as I pull away.

"Just shoot me a text if you need anything," He tells me.

"Hello," I say as I knock on the door of room 463, the wooden door cool against my knuckles.

"Come in," I hear quietly from John.

"Hey," I say, stringing out the word as I walk in. To my surprise, I look over to see Kat very asleep in the bed. "Uh isn't she supposed to be like screaming in pain?" Based on John's phone call, I thought that this would be going very differently. Louder.

"She got the epidural like half an hour ago and then she was out like a light," He explains, a look of relief on his face. "I'm just going to hope that she sleeps for a while, the longer she sleeps, the longer she's not in any pain and that's good for everyone."

"Okay, I'm just going to text Jay, let him know that he can head home,"

"Jay's here?" He asks surprised. I'm sure that he knows the whole story, Kat isn't the best at keeping her mouth shut, especially with John.

"Yeah, we're out having drinks with some friends when you called and he kind of insisted on coming with me," I explain to him.

"Don't let him hurt you again," He tells me, a slight warning in his voice as he places a protective hand on my shoulder. John has always been protective of me. He grew up with four little sisters back in Vermont and after he moved out here, he didn't stop being that big brother. So when he married Kat, I guess I kind of took over that role for him. I don't mind though. It's kind of nice having him around and it fits my theme that my family doesn't have to be blood.

"He won't," I assure him. "You know what happened last time, he was only trying to protect me,"

"I know, but it still hurt you." He says, looking at me with those big brown eyes.

"It's okay John, I can handle myself," I tell him.

"I never doubted that Lindsay, but sometimes you just need a little back up,"

"I'll keep that in mind," I tell him.

"Anyway, you want to head out too? I don't think too much should be happening for a little while," He tells me as he returns to the chair in the corner of the room.

"I'm good here, if that girl wakes up and realizes that I'm not here, you will be raising that kid on your own because she will be behind bars after she kills me," I tell him with a slight grin.

"Okay," He says with a chuckle. "Well grab a spot, we're going to be here for a while,"

* * *

At 3:48 in the morning, after many hours of screaming, hard labor, and a whole lot of swearing, my best friend became a mom. He came out yelling, big blue eyes and a head full of flaming red hair.

John stepped out of the room a little while ago to make a few calls, let the grandparents know, so for now it's just me, Kat, and that little boy.

"So, I know you been keeping your lips sealed," I say as I stand next to her bedside, watching Kat stare into her baby boy's big blue eyes, "but now that he's here, you feel like letting your best friend in on his name?"

"His name is Noah," She tells me.

"That's good name," I tell her, "Noah Walsh. President Noah Walsh, Dr. Noah Walsh, Mr. Noah Walsh. It's a good name, you guys did good,"

"Noah Aaron Walsh," She tells me quietly. "That's his name,"

"What?" I ask, looking down at her with wide eyes.

"Er Bear, you are the most important woman in my life. You have been since the day you walked into the Allen dorms. I know that I didn't have a girl, so it's not perfect, but I want my child to have your name. Even if I have to spell it a little different,"

"Thank you," I tell her softly.

"Not necessary," She assures me, "He is your godson after all,"

"Really?" I ask as I look down at her.

"Duh," She says as I let out a laugh, "who else would it be?"

"Well now I've got two godchildren to spoil," I tell her with a smile.

"Yeah, I'm still a little pissed that Emily beat me to the punch on that one," There she is, there's the Kat that I know and l love. It's good to know that motherhood hasn't softened her yet. "You better get started on this baby making business because I've decided that our children will be best friends, so get on that,"

"Okay sounds good," I tell her, hiding the stab of pain that I feel in my heart.

"You want to hold your godson?" She asks.

"In a minute, I've had to pee for like the last three hours, so I'm going to pop out for a second, then I'll be right back," I assure her.

"Okay," She responds, "I love you,"

"I love you too," I say behind me as I walk back into the hallway, walking back towards the nurses station. I find the bathroom quickly, but I get lost on the way back and end up wandering in circles through the hallways. Goddamn the identical hallways and confusing arrows.

"Jay?" I say in surprise as I spot him sitting in the waiting room. I thought he went home hours ago. I told him to go home hours ago. It's Saturday now, but I still didn't expect him to be here.

"Hey," He says sleepily, his voice hoarse.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as I rush over to join him.

"All in right?" He says as he tosses an arm around my shoulder.

"You don't have to prove that to me," I insist, "I get it,"

"I just, I don't know, I think I still feel guilty about what happened all those years ago," He admits to me.

"Don't," I tell him, laying a hand on his chest. "You have made up for it and so much more,"

"Erin I'm going to be trying to make that up for you for the rest of our lives," I don't say anything, but that doesn't fly by my. I didn't miss it. He said the rest of our lives.

"You don't have to do that," I say. But knowing that we aren't going to get anywhere, I change the subject. "Kat had her baby, they're both doing great and he's freaking adorable, red hair,"

"What's his name?" He asks, his eyes sparkling.

"Noah," I say with a smile. "He looks like Kat, bright red hair,"

"Oh Lord," He says with a groan, "hopefully he won't learn to argue like his mom or they're going to be in for a lot of trouble,"

"You want to go see her?" I say, "I don't think she could even be mad at you right now," I say with a bit of a laugh.

"Eventually, but I just want to sit here with you for a little while," He says as he pulls me in close to him. "Have you ever thought about what our kids would look like?" I feel my breath catch in my breath. I have thought about it, I've thought about it so many times. But not since the day of the accident.

"Jay I have to tell you something," I say nervously. I've thought about telling him so many times, but it never really seemed like I needed to. Until now.

"What you're not pregnant are you?" He says with a laugh. I don't say anything for a moment. "Wait you're not actually pregnant are you?"

"No," I say gently, "it's kind of the opposite actually,"

"What's going on?" He asks, looking at me with those big blue eyes.

"Jay I can't have kids," I finally tell him. God I've wanted to tell him that for so long, but I've been so scared. Since we met, I've known that Jay's wanted kids. He's never been shy about that. I was also apprehensive about the subject, but by the time that we broke up, I was on board and I was ready.

"What?" He asks, those three wrinkles appearing on his forehead as he tries to process.

"I can't have kids," I repeat.

"What do you mean?" He asks, looking down at me.

"When I was 24, I got into a car accident. It was bad, I was in the hospital for a couple weeks and there was a lot of internal damage. There was a lot of abdominal bleeding and I had more surgeries that I can count, that created a lot of scar tissue, so I can't kids anymore," I choke out. It's something that I've struggled with since it happened. He was the one who made me want to have kids, after him I didn't even know if I wanted them. But suddenly, I didn't get to make that choice anymore. It was made for me, stolen by someone who decided to get behind the wheel after drinking.

"Erin," He says slowly as tears begin to run down my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry," I sob quietly as I bury my face in his chest.

"No, no, no," He says as he runs his fingers through my hair. "It is not your fault and it's not an problem,"

"Yes it is," I say as I slowly remove my face. "You have wanted kids for as long as I've known you, I can't be the one to take that away from you,"

"Just because we can't have biological kids, doesn't mean we can't have kids. There are so many other ways to do it," He assures me.

"But it won't be the same," I say quietly. "They won't have your eyes or my dimples, they'll never be able to say that they have their father's smile or their mother's nose,"

"Erin listen to me, who is your mom?" He asks me.

"Bunny, we don't talk about her, you know that," I say, not really understanding his point.

"No, Bunny gave birth to you, who is your mom? Who raised you? Who helped to make you the incredible person that you are today?" He asks again, more force in his voice this time.

"Camille Voight," I say as I try to pull myself together. "Camille Voight is my mom,"

"Did she give birth to you?" He asks.

"No," I say quietly.

"So there you go, no it won't be the same, but maybe it'll be so much better." He says before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure that that is not something that I'm willing to lose you over," He promises me. "I told you I was all in, you're going to have to try harder than that to get rid of my Lindsay,"

"Thank you,"

"You're my girl, thanks isn't needed. Now can we go see that baby?"

"Of course, c'mon,"

* * *

 **Jay**

When Erin told me that she had something to tell me, that was about the last possible thing I thought she was going to say. She's not wrong, of course it's going to change things and it did throw me for a bit of a loop if I'm being honest. But it won't change anything between the two of us.

Having kids of my own was always in the plan for me, but I'd rather have Erin. Plus it's not like we won't have kids, but it might just take a little more effort than it usually would.

I'd be lying to you if I said it didn't hurt just a little bit when I saw John and Kat in there with Noah, just happy. It looks so easy. But I'm not willing to lose Erin over something like this. I'm not willing to lose her over anything, not again.

Besides, we're moving forward and I refuse to allow us to move backwards.

Living together has been a bit of an adjustment. We did do it in college for a year, but that was also with Kat and Alex and we were also 21 and 23. Things have definitely changed since then, a lot. It's not like crazy adjustments, just little things. Like she likes her coffee mugs arranged in a certain way and I like to roll down the toothpaste tube, while she prefers to just squeeze it until it runs out.

But it works and things are good, really good. I just hope I don't screw it up.

* * *

 **So I have a very busy weekend and I will try my very hardest to get another chapter up, but I make no promises, so the next chapter for this will probably be up either Saturday sometime or Monday night as I will not have my laptop at all on Sunday.**

 **As always, if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to leave them in a review or drop me a PM and I will try to get you a response as fast as possible. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Please review,**

 **Addie**


	12. The Other Shoe

**Thank you to everyone who has continued to read and review!**

 **As always, I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors that I may have missed, this chapter got a very quick edit.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

The last day of school. We made it through another year. My sixth year. Wow, that's insane. I've been a teacher for six years. Six years is a long time. But it's been the best years of my life.

I've kind of been dreading the last day of school this year. I'm excited for summer, don't get me wrong. Summer means late nights and sleeping in, days at the lake with wet hair and sunburnt cheeks. But I love my kids. I've had some rough classes in the past and I just got so incredibly lucky with my students this year.

"Hey you're coming to the thing at Em's tonight right?" I ask Jay as I grab a couple of last minute things before I head out.

"As long as we don't get a case today, yeah I'll be there," He assures me as he makes his coffee. Usually we leave around the same time, but I have so much stuff to get ready for the kids to take home today, so I really need to get in early. Earlier than usual anyway.

"Alright, I'll see you there then?" I say, grabbing my refreshingly light teacher bag from it's general spot near the door.

"Yep, sounds good," He responds.

"I love you," I say before slipping out the door.

"I love you too," I hear him call behind me. I smile. It's nice, the normality of it all. I haven't had this, I think ever. Of course I lived with Jeremy during the engagement, but it never felt like this. It was never this easy. I almost have to hold my breath because it doesn't seem like it should be this easy. While praying that it doesn't exist, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just hope that it won't.

The drive to school is quick, my usual rush hour traffic that I encounter cancelled by my early hour. I know that I'll be the first one here, the majority of the teachers at Daley prefer to stay after school, but I've always been more of a morning person. And of course I had a killer headache last night and I can promise that there is no way that I was going to get any work done.

But that's now catching up to me. I have to put all their report cards into their folders, plus all of their papers that I've been procrastinating stuffing their folders with. There's also the pain in the ass of getting their pass along folders ready. At our school, we have these red folders that have a math test and a few writing samples, as well as our evaluation of each child that we have to make every year to give to their teachers for next year, just so they have a little bit of an idea about what their getting themselves into. I know that I'll have to pack up my desk, but that won't take me very long and I'd rather spend this time getting stuff ready for my students, I can do that later.

Though it is the last day of school and I want them to have fun, there are still a whole lot of housekeeping things that we need to get done. All of the kids have to empty out their desks and wipe them out and then they all have to load their bags with all their work and art projects that they've been doing all year. Then of course, I give them yearbooks and all hell will break loose. It's going to be an exhausting day, but it'll be a good time.

* * *

"Thank for you being such a good teacher Ms. Lindsay, you've made me like school a whole lot more," Oliver says as he gives me a hug, him being the final child lingering in my room and his mom Heather waiting in the doorway. I feel my heart bloom. I've had some problems with Oliver, but knowing that I've influenced, even just a little bit, that's why I do what I do. It's usually a thankless job and we do it anyway, but times like this are always appreciated.

"It was my pleasure Oliver," I say as I return his hug, giving him a squeeze as his mom shoots me a warm and grateful smile.

"Ollie, c'mon, we've got to go pick up your sister," She says as she nods him.

"See you next year Ms. Lindsay!"

"See you around buddy," I say as I give him a final wave. That's it. We're done. Year six is over. Now, onto year seven. I smile, taking in the moment for a minute before rushing back to finish up everything I need to do. I told Em I would be over there are six and it's three now, so I've got to get moving. It doesn't seem like it would take that long, but it's my last day here until September, there's a lot to do.

Once I've gotten through all my packing up about an hour later, I look to the front door of my classroom to see Emily's nine year old son Mason poking his head through.

"Hi Aunt Lindy," He says with that big gap toothed grin, his dark hair messy atop his head.

"Hey Mase," I say with a smile, "What's up bud?"

"I was getting bored with my mom so she said I could come see you,"

"Well I'm about to head out, but I'm going to be at your house in about an hour, so if it's okay with your mom you can come with me,"

"Really?" He asks with wide eyes. "Do we have to bring Cal too?"

"How about it'll be our little secret? I haven't seen you too much lately," I say with a little wink, "I'm going to make you help me carry some boxes though, how's that sound,"

"I will carry all the boxes," He says, with an all too serious look on his face as I laugh. Mason has always been too grown up for his own good, but in times like this it is pretty helpful.

"Alright," I say, getting up from my spot behind the desk, "Let's go ask your mom,"

"Let's go," He says with a little jump as I grab his hand. We traipse across the fluorescent lit hallway to his Em's room.

"Hi Auntie Lindy!" Callum shouts as he races around the room, his dark curls flying behind him.

"Hey buddy," I say, leaning back slightly on instinct. If Mason was grown up, Cal is the opposite. He is six, but he's nuts. He never runs out of energy, ever. He's pretty hard to handle and I seriously don't know how Em does it on a daily basis.

"What's up Erin?" Emily says as she throws the last couple of things into a box.

"Do you mind if I take a kid off your hands?" I offer.

"Honey I will pay you," She says as she looks up at me gratefully, her accent seeming all the more pronounced. "Mase?"

"Yes ma'am?" He responds, looking over at her as she approaches.

"Be good for Aunt Lindy, I'll see you at six okay," She says as she comes over and gives him a kiss on the top of the head.

"I will," He promises.

"He always is," I assure her. "Do you need me to bring anything?"

"Just yourself, my kid, and that very hot boyfriend of yours," She says with a wink.

"You have a boyfriend?" Mason says as he stares up at me.

"We'll talk about it later," I say, shooting Em a bit of a look and quickly ushering him out of the room.

"Bye baby!" Emily calls after us.

"Alright buddy, let's go get those boxes,"

* * *

"So," Mason says from the back seat, "who's your boyfriend?" I groan internally, I thought he had forgotten about this. We had about an hour to kill before we had to head over to the Landry's, so I took him out for ice cream and I made him swear not to tell his mom about it. But yet we come back to his.

"His name is Jay, he's a police officer," I tell him as I peer into the mirror, getting a look at his face.

"Really?" He asks with wide eyes. I knew that that would score a few points for Jay. When Mason was really little, he was obsessed with firetrucks and police cars, I think he liked the sirens a lot. But eventually, that just transcended into him really liking police officers and he's been telling me he wants to be a cop for as long as I've known him.

"Really," I tell him, "and he's going to be at your party tonight,"

"Seriously?" He asks excitedly.

"Uh huh, he's really excited to meet you guys," I tell him. He really is. He's been listening to me ramble on and on about Mase, Callum, and Reese and I think he's definitely looking forward to meeting them. He's met Celia a couple of times when she's come over and I actually have no idea if he's met Emily, I'd assume so.

"Do you think he'll let me go in his police car?" He asks eagerly.

"Well he doesn't have the traditional police car that I'm sure you're thinking of. He's a special police officer, he's a detective in my dad's unit." I explain to him.

"Why doesn't he drive a police car?" He asks, wrinkling his nose up in confusion.

"Well because sometimes the police doesn't want you to know that they're there just yet, so they have to use cars that look like everybody else's cars. But he does have the lights in his car, so maybe if you ask really nicely, he'll let you turn them on,"

"He will?" He exclaims, that just about filling him to the brim with excitement.

"Only if you ask super, super nicely," I tell him, "and if you're lucky, maybe he'll let you wear his badge,"

"How far away are we?" He asks anxiously, suddenly all the more excited to get home.

"We're almost there," I assure him as we turn onto their street. "He's going to be a little bit late, but I'll come get you when he gets here, how about that?"

"Promise?"

"I promise," I assure him. I hope that he'll find one of his friends when we get there and get distracted while he waits for Jay to get there, because I know if he doesn't, he'll be asking when he's getting there every thirty seconds.

"Alright we're here buddy," I say as we pull up in front of the of the Landry house, an impressive line of cars already forming in front of the brick house. Emily told me that she was having a little get together, but I know Emily Landry and I knew that it would be nothing of the sort. Little get together means that she has all of her kids friends here as well as their parents. That's just how she does things.

"Thanks for hanging out with me Aunt Lindy," He says as we both advance up the front walk of their immaculately kept front walk.

"Anytime buddy," I say as I ruffle his hair. He smiles at me one last time before rushing off to the open front door, not stopping until he reaches the backyard where I assume all of his friends are.

Once inside, I'm met with a frenzy of noise and activity, people roaming around everywhere.

"Erin!" I hear Celia squeal as she runs up to me from the left, a new guy I've never seen lingering behind her. I can't imagine that this is anyone else other than Max, her new boyfriend.

"Hey C," I say as I pull her into a quick hug, her long brown hair pulled into a bun at the base of her head, "And I assume this is Max?"

"You assume correctly, nice to meet you Erin," He says as he holds out his hand for a shake.

"The pleasure is all mine," I say with a smile.

"And where is your guy?" Celia asks as she looks around, though she won't be able to find him.

"He is running a little bit late, got caught up at work, but he'll be here soon,"

"Oh what does he do?"Max asks as he slides an arm around Celia's waist.

"He's a detective with the CPD," I explain, an inexplicable amount of pride on my face.

"Wow that's awesome, what unit?" He asks.

"You familiar with the department?" I ask, my interest peaking.

"My sister is a detective with the CPD, Intelligence," He tells me.

"No way," I say, a smile of disbelief washing over my face. "Hannah or Kim?"

"Hannah," He says with an uncertain chuckle, "How do you know her?"

"My boyfriend is Jay Halstead and Hank Voight is my dad," I say with a bit of a laugh.

"Small world I guess," He responds.

"Small world," I say with a chuckle. "That's so weird though,"

"Yeah," He comments. Well at least I know that now he and Jay will have something to talk about. Hannah's a good starting point and I know the stories about her can go on forever.

"Aunt Lindy!" I hear from the kitchen, unmistakable for none other than Reese Olivia Landry.

"Sorry," I say as I peer towards her, "I will catch up with you guys later, but I have a certain blonde little girl calling my name,"

* * *

 **Jay**

I shake my head and let out a little laugh as I pull up in front of the address provided to me. She told me there would be a few people. Based on the amount of cars parked in front of this place, it's a couple more than a few people.

There were a couple of kids playing on bikes in the cul-da-sac, all of whom wave to me as I walk in. I recognize one of the little boys from the pictures around the apartment as Callum, one of Erin's pseudo-nephews..

I quickly make my way inside, the smells of barbecue wafting through the house as I attempt to locate Erin. My search is only made more rushed after I realize that I know literally no one here.

"You made it!" I hear as I step out onto the deck. I smile as I hear my gorgeous girlfriend's voice. It hasn't been the easiest day at work. The days are never easy, but when you have a case with kids, it's harder. Especially when you don't save them.

"Hey baby," I say as she rushes over to me. To my surprise, she greets me with a hug instead of her usual kiss and I realize that it's because some of the parents here are parents of kids she teaches and she's always one to stay professional.

"I'm glad you're here," She whispers in my ear as she grabs my hand and leads me back to a group of beach chairs in the backyard, Celia in one and some guy in the other.

"Hey Jay," Celia says with a smile. I've met her a couple of times and she's always seems happy. I don't know how she does it, but on a day like this it's just what I need.

"What's up Celia," I responds with a bit of a wave as I settle in one of the empty chairs.

"Well, I just found out that my boyfriend here is your partner's brother,"

"Max?" I say as I look over at him. Hannah has told me about him more times than I can count, but I didn't imagine him looking like that at all. I don't know what I thought he would look like, but it wasn't like that.

"Nice to meet you," He says, leaning forward and reaching his hand out. "I uh want to thank you for what you did for my sister, it takes someone pretty brave to jump in front of a bullet,"

"She would have done the same for me," I assure her, always uncomfortable with taking compliments and thanks like that. It's my job and I know that she would have done the same, it doesn't feel right taking thanks for that.

"Hey Jay," Emily's husband Ben says as he comes over, "My kid is looking for you, he's very interested in the lights on your car. He uh, really wants to be a cop,"

"Well I'd be happy to show them to him," I tell him. From what Erin has told me, she's talking about her oldest son Mason and from what I've heard, he's pretty awesome.

"Emily! Ben!" Someone shouts as they come running through the back door. I don't recognize her, but I can instantly tell that something is wrong. No one uses that tone unless something is wrong. "You guys need to come out front now. It's Callum, he's hurt. It's bad, really bad,"

* * *

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter! This will be the last update for the week, but I'm hoping to have something up either Monday or Tuesday.**

 **Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	13. The Perfect Storm

**Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed, and favorited this story! It had meant more to me than you guys could know! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and you'll leave me a review to let me know what you think! Happy reading!**

* * *

 ** **Erin****

"What happened to Cal?" Mason asks, looking up at me as we rush into the ER at Chicago Med, his hand held in mine and Reese resting on Jay's hip, tears streaming from her blue eyes and his filled with panic.

"He got hurt," I tell him, keeping it vague. We still don't know very much and the last thing that I want to do is panic the kids.

"Is he going to be okay?" He asks. I feel a pang in my chest. I don't know.

"I don't know buddy, I hope so," I tell him. "I really, really hope so,"

* * *

We've been here for almost two hours and we've yet to see Emily, Ben, or Callum. Will brought us to a waiting room as we were denied the ability to see them and Reese fell asleep on a chair about twenty minutes ago, Mason still sitting next to me with his hands folded neatly in his lap as he stares forward, his speech limited.

Celia arrived around an hour ago alone, after taking the job of ushering people out of the Landry house and taking Max home. For the first time, she didn't know what to say. I don't think I've ever seen Celia May rendered speechless. But this, this did it.

Jay hasn't said much, he's just been standing against a wall while we wait, his thumb rubbing against the tips of his fingers. He doesn't even know Callum that well, but that's just how Jay works.

I don't think I've ever been more scared. I was scared when Jay was shot, but I knew what was happening. I knew what I could expect. Today, I'm in the dark. I don't know how bad it is, and I don't know if he's going to be okay, I just know what I saw.

I saw a little boy, curly brown hair lying unconscious in the middle of the road, blood running down his face and soaked through his light blue t-shirt, his father hunched over his body and my best friend screaming loud enough to curdle blood.

It's a blur, I remember grabbing Reese and hiding her face in my shoulder. I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew that I didn't want her seeing that. I couldn't find Mason, but maybe three minutes later I saw him attached to Celia's side, tears in his eyes.

That's what I know and it's not enough.

* * *

"Ben!" I exclaim as I see his figure coming into frame, Emily not by his side. It's been another hour, Mason finally falling asleep and Reese still out cold. "How is he doing?" I ask as I rush over to him, Celia and Jay not far behind me.

"He's in surgery," Ben tells us, worry shown clearly in the wrinkles of his forehead.

"What the hell happened?" Celia asks, my arms crossed in front of my chest.

"He uh, he was on his bike. He was trying to turn back into the driveway and he hit the curb weird. He flew over the handlebars and hit the mailbox, hard and fell back onto the pavement. And then the bike hit him, one of the spokes from the wheels had popped out and cut his stomach open,"

"Oh my god," I say quietly. It doesn't even seem real, how the hell does that happen? All these events lined up perfected for major destruction. A perfect storm.

"They took him into surgery maybe two hours ago, they said there was a lot of internal bleeding in addition to the lac on his stomach, there's a pretty high chance for infection, but they have to " He says softly, his voice on the brink of breaking.

"Can they fix it? Can they fix him?" Celia asks, her words getting closer and closer together as her volume gets higher.

"They don't know," He responds softly. "There was a lot of blood,"

"He's going to be okay," I say softly, reaching over to place my hand on Ben's forearm, Jay's hand finding his way to my shoulder. I don't know what to say, but in this moment, it seems like the only thing to say. What do you say to a parent who's child is fighting for their life on an operating room table? I don't know. I still don't know.

"I hope so," He says, his voice moving closer and closer to that cliff.

"How's Em?" Celia asks, "Where is she?"

"Uh she's in the hospital room, just waiting," He tells us.

"Is she okay?" I ask.

"As okay as she can be," He responds. Of course. That was a dumb question. I remember how much of a mess both Hannah and I were when Jay was lying on that operating room table. This is her child. He came from her, he's six years old. Of course she's not okay.

"Can we see her? I just want to give her a hug" I ask.

"Not tonight, it's family only in the rooms," He responds, "She just asked me to come out and give all of you an update and ask you all for a favor,"

"Anything, shoot," Jay says, speaking up for the first time.

"Can you guys watch the kids tonight? Take them back to the house, it's going to be a really long night and there's no reason for them to be here all night," He says.

"Are you sure?" I ask. "We don't want to leave you guys here alone," I didn't want to leave either. I've known Callum since the day he was born and it's hard to let go, but they are his parents and they make the final call, all we should be doing right now is worrying about how to make this better for them.

"It's okay, you guys can't come back there anyway and we have each other, we'll be able to handle it," He tells us, those brown eyes free of any feeling other than pure and unadulterated fear.

"You sure?" Celia confirms with him.

"Yeah, I'm sure," He says, "I'd better get back, I don't want to leave Emmy alone for too long."

"Of course," I offer.

"Do you have car seats?" He asks, his other two kids not leaving his mind even in the face of insanity with one of them.

"Yeah, we pulled them out of the van before we left," Jay tells him. "They're in the back of Erin's Jeep,"

"Okay, thank you. Call us if you need anything okay?" He tells us.

"We got it, take of them. We'll be there if you need us," Celia respond.

"Thank you so much guys," Ben responds.

"He's going to be okay," Jay tells him.

"I hope so,"

* * *

"God I don't know how they're still standing," I say with a sigh. "If this was me, I would be be such a mess,"

"They're strong and they just have to believe that he's going to be okay," Jay responds. We got back to their house maybe twenty minutes ago and putting the kids to sleep in their beds wasn't hard. It's almost two in the morning and I don't think any of them really knew what was going on for the brief couple of minutes that they were awake. "That's all they can do,"

"But how do they do that?" I ask as we climb into the bed in the guest room, Celia opting to take the couch downstairs. "How do they stay so strong?"

"I don't know babe, I don't think I'll ever understand it," He says. "But all we can do is be there for them and be there for those kids, that is where we come in,"

"I know, you're right," I say, moving closer to him and laying my head down on his bare chest. No one thought it made much sense to run home before taking the kids, so we improvised for pajamas, me stripping off my cropped jeans and sleeping in just my t-shirt and panties, Jay opting for just his boxers. We can run home tomorrow if we need to, but for now, this works.

"Go to bed Er," He says as he places a soft kiss on the top of my head before turning to switch off the lamp, "You need to sleep, we can call Emily in the morning okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

"What's going on?" I ask Emily, Callum still lying unconscious in the bed. Jay had to go to work today, there was no way around that, so Celia and I decided to take turns. Once the visiting hours had started, we made the choice that one of us would stay at the house with Callum and Reese and the other one would go to the hospital. Until Emily and Ben told us otherwise, that's what we're going to do. It's the best way that we know how. Ben was stepping out of the room just as I walked in, talking a minute to call all of their family members that I know have been blowing up their phones all night since they found out yesterday.

"His kidneys are failing," She tells me slowly.

"What? How did that happened?" I ask, knowing that this doesn't just happen, something triggered it.

"I don't really know, some kind of infection," She says. "They put him on the UNOS list and he's high on the list, but his blood type, it's not common so they told us not to get our hopes up,"

"What the hell does that mean?" I ask, knowing the answer that she's going to give me, but hoping dearly that I'm wrong.

"It means that I need to start preparing myself to lose my baby," She says with tears in her eyes. That's when she loses it, starts crying and collapses into my arms. "This doesn't happen. This is the kind of thing that you read about online or watch on the news, this doesn't happen. He's six years old. He's only six years old,"

"I know, I know," I say as I run my hand up and down her back. But I don't know, I don't have a child. I don't know what it's like to love someone more than you love life itself. And more than that, I don't know what it's like to know that you might lose that.

I just let her stay there, tears running down her and soaking through my thin t-shirt.

"What about a live donor?" I ask, "he only needs one to survive,"

"That's an option, but none of us have O negative blood and since he is O neg, he can only get a kidney from someone with his blood type. That's just the first qualification, they still have to run the tests for tissue typing and cross matching, it's a shot in the dark," She says, her voice still breaking.

"So what do we do? What can we do?" I ask.

"We pray for a miracle,"

* * *

"How's he doing?" Jay asks over the phone. I just texted Celia, letting her know what was going on and telling her that I would be back soon. The two of had made the call together after I talked with Ben and Emily to stay back with the kids. There's nothing we can do there, all we can do is take care of those kids and do what Emily asked, pray for a miracle.

"Not good," I say, sitting in the front seat of my car in the parking lot of Chicago Med. "He's going into kidney failure,"

"Oh my god," He says quietly on the other end of the phone. "They put him on UNOS right?"

"Yeah, but Emily said his blood type isn't common and finding a donor from the list in time isn't going to be likely,"

"You said he has a rare blood type?" Jay asks.

"Yeah why?" I ask, nervously twisting my earring around.

"Did she tell you what it was?" He asks me.

"O negative," I respond quickly, curious to why he's asking so many questions.

"Seriously?" He responds.

"Yeah why?" I respond, now more confused than ever.

"Is a live donor an option?" He asks me.

"Yeah, they just don't think they'll be able to find one," I tell him, "I would have offered to get tested, but I'm A positive,"

"Don't leave," He tells me, still keeping me in the dark. "I'm going to come meet you okay?"

"Jay what the hell is going on?" I demand, tired of being left in the dark.

"I'm O neg," He tells me.

"You are?" I exclaim, all the pieces suddenly sliding into place. In this instant, I remember again how incredible he is. This a is child that means so much to me, but one that he barely knows, but still he's willing to give a literal part of him to this little boy.

"Yeah I am. I'm coming to the hospital to talk to Ben and Emily and then I'm going to get tested," He says. I can hear him scrambling at his desk, the chair being pushed out from under the desk and his badge scraping across the wooden surface.

"Jay I can't ask you to do that," I tell him.

"Erin this is not about me. He's six years old, he's your best friend's son, and he needs a kidney, so I'm going to get tested." He insists.

"You're amazing you know that?" I tell him, tears lingering in my eyes.

"You would have done the same thing," He assures me, "just don't leave, I'll be there in twenty minutes,"

"I love you," I add before hanging up. God I love him so much.

"I love you too,"

* * *

 **Jay**

When Erin told me what was happening and then told me his blood type, I didn't hesitate. I don't even know if I'll be a match, but I know that if there's something I can do, there's no way that I won't do it.

"Hey," Erin says from her spot outside the entrance to Chicago Med. She was still asleep when I left for work this morning, but even then I could tell that she wasn't sleeping well. She was restless, tossing and turning. That's not how Erin Lindsay sleeps, she sleeps like a rock. And now she looks exhausted.

Since she's come back into my life, she's been put together. Every day. But now, her hair is tossed into a messy ponytail, a white tank top is thrown on over a pair of cropped leggings and the bags under her eyes are dark as can be. It's a far stretch for me. I haven't seen her like this in a long time. She still looks like my beautiful girl, but it's a different Erin.

"Hey," I say, coming up to her and pulling her close and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "How are you doing?"

"Your call made my day a whole lot better," She tells me with a weak smile.

"C'mon baby, let's go," I say as I reach my arm around her waist. The two of us make our way silently up to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, navigating through the winding fluorescent lit hallways until we reach Callum's room.

I feel a pang in my heart as I see him lying in that hospital bed, a tube running down his throat and wires all around his tiny body, the beeping of the machines relentless. I barely this kid, I've talked to him twice and that was all only about a day ago. But he's still a six year old boy and he's still lying unconscious in a hospital bed.

"What are you guys doing here?" Emily asks, sitting up from her curled up position in a chair next to Callum's bed. "I thought you were headed out Erin,"

"I was, but then I called Jay and I told him about what was going on. Em he's got O negative,"

"What?" She says, looking up at me with eyes full of hope, laced with a sense of bewilderment.

"I want to get tested," I tell them. "I don't know if I'll be a match, but I have to try,"

"Are you sure?" Ben asks me. I can tell that he's trying not to get his hopes up. I know that the chance of me being a match is small and nobody wants to get their hopes up only to have them smashed into a million teeny tiny pieces, but it's hard to help it.

"I'm sure," I respond, "I just need to go ahead from you guys and then I will go get my blood tested,"

"Yes, of course. Thank you so much," Emily says, her voice starting to break as she embraces me in a tight and unexpected hug.

"Don't even mention it," I assure her. The next hour while we waited for the labs to come back were possibly the longest hour of everyone's lives and I think our reaction times were faster than imaginable when Dr. Collins walked back into that room.

"So?" Erin asks as the brunette doctor walks back into the room, her hand clutching mine, "is he a match?"

"From our preliminary testing, yes, he is a match," She tells us. As those words leave her mouth, I think there is a collective sigh of relief and Emily is the one that bursts into tears. I feel a rush of gratitude and the weight fall off of my chest. "We have to run another cross match just to be one hundred percent sure, but as of now, I am comfortable saying that I am cautiously optimistic,"

"Thank you so much," Ben says to Dr. Collins, a warm smile on her face.

"Not a problem, we're going to run the second blood test and we should have have results to you within the next hour," She tells us. "If it's a match, we'll have to schedule a meeting with the hospital legal team, the transplant coordinator, and the surgical team, but we should be able to do the surgery as quickly as tomorrow morning,"

"Do whatever you need to do," I tell him.

"We'll keep you posted," She tells all of us before walking out of the room.

"Thank you Jay, so, so much," Emily says as she throws her arms around me, her walls coming all the way down as Dr. Collins walks out of the room. "You are saving our son's life,"

"You are our hero," Ben says from slightly behind Emily, but that same look of relief and gratitude in his eyes.

"I'm not a hero. I'm just a guy, who loves a girl, who loves your son. And if I can save your son, I'm going to do it,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	14. Coherent

**Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter! Hope you guys enjoy this one!**

 **As always, please excuse any and all grammatical or spelling errors I may have missed, this was a very quick and late night edit.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

"You're sure this is safe right?" I ask Dr. Sawyer for what feels like the ten thousandth time, my hand clutched in Jay's as he lays in the hospital bed prepped for surgery. "I mean he was shot not that long ago,"

"Babe," Jay interrupts.

"Three times," I continue, my tone strong, "He was shot three times,"

"It shouldn't be a problem," He answers me confidently. "Your records are telling me that the bullets hit in the upper torso, two in the arm and one in the upper chest, is that correct?"

"Yes," Jay tells him as I continue to hold on his hand.

"Well the scar tissue from those traumas are in a completely different location on the body, so you should be alright. We'll monitor your vitals closely and we'll intervene if things start to go south, but we should be alright," He assures us.

"But you're confident that it should go well?" I check once again. I swear I'm more nervous than he is. My heart has been racing since this morning. Last night was pure joy. There were a lot of tears all around, last night was centered around the fact that we knew Cal was going to be okay. But today, even though I know he's doing this to save my nephew, I'm still completely terrified.

"Babe," Jay interrupts as he grabs my hand. "It's going to be fine,"

"I know," I say as I run my hand over the back of his palm, the IV creating an unwanted bump. "I'm just nervous,"

"I know you are," He says as he looks up at me with a smile, "But I'm going to be fine,"

"It's a simple surgery Ms. Lindsay. My team and I have done it a hundred times, it's going to be fine," He assures us. Well, mostly me.

"I want updates," I demand, "Every half hour,"

"Erin seriously?" Jay responds.

"Seriously," I tell him, not an ounce of sarcasm on my face.

"That can be arranged, someone will come to the waiting room every half hour to update you," He promises me.

"Thank you," I tell him gratefully, my auburn locks shifting over the tops of my shoulders.

"Okay then, we have to take him up to the OR now, so this is where we leave you," Dr. Beckner tells me, my heart dropping. I want to be there, every second of the operation, watching, making sure that nothing goes wrong. It's not like I would be able to do anything, but I don't want to let go.

"I love you," I say, a lump quickly forming in my throat.

"I love you too," He responds. "I'll see you on the other side okay,"

"Okay," I respond, leaning down to give him a quick kiss. "If you see that white light, run the other direction,"

"I promise," He says as the nurses gear up to the prepare the bed for transport. "I won't let it go anywhere near me,"

"Good," I say, "Thank you," I don't have to say anything else, he knows. He knows what I mean and he knows how much this means to me. But what he doesn't know is that I will be thanking him for this for the rest of my life.

"You're my girl," He responds simply before they roll him out of the room, quickly leaving my view and leaving me alone in the room once and for all. I swallow my tears, knowing that it won't help anything. It's out of my hands now.

* * *

"Hey," I say as I walk into the waiting room, Emily and Ben both sitting there anxiously, Emily's hand clutched together in her lap and Ben's shoved into his pocket again. Somehow, even in the midst of all this insanity, she still looks put together. I don't know how she does it.

"Hey," Emily responds with a solemn smile. I know that they're both going to try to keep a strong front, but there are both freaking out inside. I know I am.

"How long ago did they take him back?" I ask.

"About half an hour ago, they wanted to have him prepped in the OR before they opened Jay up," Ben explains. "Just to minimize the time that the kidney has to be outside the body,"

"Of course," I respond, "How are you doing?"

"As well as we can be right?" Emily responds.

"Yeah," I say halfheartedly, "How was he doing this morning?" Today as Jay was admitted to the hospital, I always had that inkling of a feeling that I had to go see Callum, just check in on him. But I knew in the back of my head that that's not where I was needed. Jay would have been alone.

Will wanted to be here, but he was on a trip to San Francisco with Natalie and Owen and while they insisted on flying home for the surgery, Jay was adamantly against it. I would have loved to have them here with me now, but I know that they get barely any vacation time and when they do it's almost never that the hospital allows them to go on vacation at the same time.

"His vitals were stable," Emily tells me, "Dr. Collins put him on dialysis last night, but I'm just excited to see him open his eyes, hug him and tell him how much I love him,"

"I understand you on that," I say as I plop down beside her with a sigh. "I am so scared that something is going to go wrong in there,"

"Hey, don't think like that," Ben tells me, looking over from where he sits beyond Emily. "Dr. Sawyer and Dr. Collins know exactly what they're doing, nothing is going to go wrong,"

"I know that, in my head anyway," I start.

"But your heart is going crazy." Emily fills in for me.

"Yeah," I respond.

"Well, we just have to keep the faith right?" Emily responds. That's all we can do. Keep the faith.

* * *

The three of us stand up quickly, shooting from those seats like comets as we see Dr. Sawyer come in from the double doors, his scrub cap still on his head.

"How'd it go?" I ask. Since the last half hour update, nothing had gone wrong, but I wasn't holding my breath.

"As good as it could have gone," He tells us with a smile. "He's in the ICU now and he should be waking up from the anesthesia within the next couple of hours,"

"Oh thank God," I say as I sink back into my chair, the weight falling off my chest and an unbelievable sense of relief falling over my entire body.

"Have you heard anything about Callum?" Ben asks nervously, his hand now held tightly in Emily's.

"Last I heard, everything was looking good," He responds, "I can ask Dr. Collins to send out an intern with an update if you'd like,"

"That'd be great thank you," Emily responds gratefully.

"Ms. Lindsay do you want to go back and see him?" Dr. Sawyer asks me. I look back at Ben and Emily, not wanting to leave them but wanting so bad to be by Jay's side.

"Go, I'll call you when Cal comes out,"

"He's going to be fine," I say, grabbing Emily's hand.

"I know, and it's all thanks to Jay," She tells me, those blue eyes wide, "go see him, we'll be fine,"

"Thank you," I tell both of them, grabbing my jacket from the chair and quickly following Dr. Sawyer through the hallways, the smell of antiseptic strong and the florescent lights shining bright down on us.

I feel a smile spread across my face as Jay's frame comes into view, most of it hidden under a hospital bed sheet, but there.

It's so much better than last time. There's no cuts or bruising on his face. There's no tube down his throat. He looks peaceful.

"I'm sorry I was a little crazy," I tell Dr. Sawyer as I turn towards him in the doorway.

"Don't even worry about that," He assures me. "It's kind of nice actually, you care, maybe a little too much, but nonetheless."

"Well I appreciate that,"I tell him thankfully. "It's uh not usually seen that way,"

"I'm going to leave you to your own devices now, if anything happens just press the call button and a nurse will be here and they page either myself, Dr. Collins, or my resident Dr. Gold."

"Thank you," I say as I awkwardly sit down in the chair next to Jay's bedside.

"Have someone page me when he wakes up," He tells me as he walks out.

"Will do Dr. Sawyer," I assure him. And now we wait.

* * *

Every passing minute feels like an hour. I know he's going to wake up, nothing went wrong and it would take a once in a million chance for him not to wake up. But there is still that chance, and it's lingering in the back of my head.

But then there's Callum. I still haven't heard anything about him either. Double the love, double the stress and double the worry.

I've been sitting here for almost an hour, just watching as his chest falls up and down with the rhythm of the machines behind him. It's killing me, just sitting here waiting for those blue eyes to open, for a word to fall out of his mouth, something. But I'm waiting just waiting.

* * *

"Marry me Erin," He says, his voice groggy and eyes not open yet.

"What?" I say leaning forward and looking for any kind of movement, my breath caught in my chest. I can feel the kink in my neck, I've been sitting in the same position for almost three hours.

"Marry me," He says again, his eyes opening slightly as he peers over at me, a sliver of blue shining through.

"We'll talk when you're coherent okay?" I say, brushing it off. He's on such a cocktail of drugs right now and he can't possibly know what he's saying. Besides, it's only been a few months, moving in was fast but he can't possibly be thinking about this.

"I love you," He tells me, his words strung out as he looks up at me.

"I love you too," I say, running my hand over his wrist, "now get some rest, I'll be here when you wake up okay?"

"Okay," He responds quickly falling back into his slumber. I quickly call a nurse into his room and let her know to page Dr. Sawyer. After his quick check in, with my anxiety basically evaporated, I decide to jump floors to check on Callum and see how he's doing. popped in about an hour ago to tell me that the surgery went well, but I don't think I'll fully believe it until I can lay my eyes on him.

"Hey," I say as I knock on the sliding glass door of Callum's room in the PICU. I can already see the life coming back into him, his cheeks returning to that rosey pink I missed so much. "How's he doing?"

"Everything went well, we're just waiting for him to wake up and hoping that he doesn't reject the kidney. How's Jay?"

"He's good, woke up a little while ago. He mumbled a few incomprehensible things, you know he's on quite a cocktail, but then he fell right back asleep, but he's good," I assure her.

"Can you shoot us a text when he's up? And you know coherent, we just want to thank him again,"

"You really don't have to do that," I tell her. "That's just who he is and he doesn't want any type of recognition,"

"I know, he's kind of amazing that way, but I will still be thanking him until the day I die," She tells me with grateful eyes.

"I know, so will I,"

* * *

"Erin?" Jay says, his voice scratchy and thick with sleep.

"Hey," I say, leaning forward as I grab his hand. "Coming off that high stoner boy?"

"Haha very funny," He says as he looks up at me with a smile. "How's Callum doing?"

"Good, good, surgery went well and he's in the PICU right now. He woke up for a little while, but he fell back asleep. But his vitals are good and the chance of rejection is falling by the hour," I tell him with a smile.

"Good I'm glad," He says as he sits up, wincing in pain. I know that Jay isn't the kind of guy who lets anyone know that he's in pain, so he must be hurting bad.

"Do you want me to page the nurse? I can get them to up your IV,"

"No I'm okay, just have to avoid any sharp movements. I should be fine," He tells me, rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand.

"Alright, you promise you'll let me know if it hurts?" I ask him.

"I promise," He assures me.

"No you won't," I say with a bit of a chuckle.

"Yeah," He says with a stifled laugh, "you're right,"

"Don't hurt yourself okay? I don't want to have to bring you back in here because you ripped your stitches. I've been spending way too much time sitting next to you why you lie in a hospital bed,"

"Well babe, I don't think it'd be a bed. Probably more of an exam table," He teases.

"Shut up," I respond with a breathy laugh, whacking him lightly on the shoulder, careful not to hurt him.

"So have you thought about my question from earlier at all?" He asks. What the hell is he talking about.

"What question?" I ask.

"Uh the marriage one," He tells me, looking confused. That one single word sends shock waves through my body.

"What?" I respond. I didn't think he was serious. Hell I didn't even think he remembered that. I was almost one hundred percent sure that that was the result of his drugged up ramblings.

"You didn't think I would remember," He says softly.

"No," I admit.

"So I guess that's a no," He responds, biting down on his bottom lip.

"It's not a no," I assure him quickly, "It's just it's so fast, we've been back together like three months,"

"I know, but there's six years of lost time to make up for," He tells me. "Erin I've wanted to marry you for the last ten years and I don't want to wait anymore," He's right. I walked away from the altar for him. I've been waiting for him. Why should I wait anymore?

"Neither do I," I tell him. I can see it all now.

"So yes?" He asks with a unsure smile.

"Yes, I'll marry you." I tell him, pressing a kiss to those perfect lips of his.

"I've been waiting to hear those words for six years," He tells me with a smile. "Ring's waiting at home in the back of my sock drawer,"

"Could you get anymore cliche?" I tease.

"Hey, I just donated a kidney. Cut a guy some slack," He jokes.

"I think I can do that, just uh promise one thing,"

"What would that be you beautiful girl?"

"Let's not do this again," I say with a smile.

"Do what?" He asks, those blue eyes sparkling.

"Hang out in hospital rooms," I say with a bit of a chuckle/

"I think I can do that,"

"Then we'll be just fine,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	15. Pennies

**Happy Summer everyone! I got off school for break a couple of days ago, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to update more. Anyways. I have a little feeling that you guys are going to like this chapter, happy reading!**

 **As always, please excuse any grammar or spelling errors, my editing skills are not the best.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Erin**

"Er can you come here for a second?" Jay asks, straining himself as he leans forward, the stiff material of the hospital gown making much more noise than cloth should.

"Jesus Jay, lean back, you're going to rip your stitches," I tell him. I know that this is going to be just as hard as it was the last time he was recovering. He hates being still and even more than that, he hates feeling weak. But most of all, he hates being babied, not being able to be self sufficient and I know that I'm going to have to do it again if he wants to heal properly.

"I'm fine babe," He assures me. How did I know he was going to say that? "Just come here,"

"Okay, okay I'm here," I tell him as I stand at his bedside. "What's up?" He grimaces again as he reaches over to the table on the other side of the table, grabbing a red velvet box that I somehow missed.

"What are you doing?" I say with a small smile.

"Well I know you already said yes," He says slowly as he begins to open the box, "but I'm really hoping you'll agree to wear my mom's ring," I have to hold back a gasp as I see the ring. It is absolutely beautiful, a bright white diamond set within a winding yellow gold band. It's gorgeous.

"Jay," I say, not knowing what else to say.

"I wanted to give it to you over six years ago. I lost my chance then, I won't let it slip away again." He tells me with a solemn smile.

"I'm not going anywhere," I say as he slips the band on my left hand. It feels right, like it should have been there the whole time.

* * *

 **Jay**

"Hey babe," I say as I walk in the front door. It's been three months since the kidney transplant and life has never been better. Callum is healed completely, his chance of rejecting the kidney nearly zero as long as he keeps taking his medication and he's back to his bubbly self, the accident a thing of as the past. As for the wedding, Erin and I decided to take the summer to just be with each other, not worrying about the wedding planning or anything else.

We'd had a whirlwind of a year and we just needed time to decompress, relax and focus on being together without another tragedy or roadblock getting in the way. We took a couple of trips, a week in Savannah and a weekend away in Mackinac Island, just being happy together.

But now, we're back to real life. Erin started her seventh year of teaching first grade at Maggie Daley and we slipped back into our usual routine, both of us going to work in the morning and both of us working late, me at the district and her at home, always surrounded by her ever growing stacks of papers to grade and projects to prep.

She had spent the summer with Celia and Emily, even taking a trip with the two of them and Em's kids down to her hometown of Bowman in South Carolina in late July. It was good for all of them, being allowed to get away for a little while, especially after everything that happened with Callum in June.

"Hey," She says, leaning her chin up and giving me a kiss over the back edge of the couch, a myriad of colored construction paper laid out on the coffee table in front of her. "You ready to get down to wedding planning?"

"Anything for you," I say as I plop down on the couch next to her. If I'm being completely honest, none of this matters to me. I would marry her right now. I would have married her in a courthouse the day I got released from the hospital.

"Alright," She says, pulling open her Mac. "Where should we start?"

"How about a date?" I offer. "We can't really go anywhere without one," It's true. Everything else depends on the day that we chose, the colors, the venue, the food, the theme, everything.

"Sounds good," She tells me, "What are you thinking?"

"Spring wedding, maybe summer?" I offer. "What do you think?"

"I don't really care," She tells me, a little smirk on her face. "How about just picking a day of the week first, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? Start small,"

"Saturday seems like the obvious choice right? That way people aren't rushing to the wedding from work and aren't leaving early to wake up the next morning," I tell her.

"I concur," She tells me with a smile as she pulls out her phone, quickly tapping her way into the calendar app. "So let's look at every Saturday between April and let's say the end of July,"

I peer over her shoulder, looking at everyone of those numbers. But again, I don't really care, none of those numbers mean anything to me.

"How about May 19th?" She asks.

"What's special at May 19th?" I ask.

"I don't know, I just kinda like it," She tells me, those dimples popping out. "I like the numbers,"

"Alright," I say with a chuckle, but not questioning her thinking. "May 19th it is,"

* * *

Two hours later, we've gotten through a preliminary version of the guest list and we've got a list of potential venues.

"This is insane, why do people do this?" I ask as we move forward to the second round of cutting down the guest list. "I just want to marry you, I don't care where or who's watching or what colors the flowers are or what flavor the cake is, I just want to marry you,"

"I know, me too. But this isn't for us, this is for everyone else," She tells me, "I would drag your ass down to the courthouse tomorrow morning if I could,"

"Then why do we have to do this?"

"I don't know, it's just a thing people do," She responds. And then I have an idea.

"But what if we don't have to?" I say.

"What?" She question, looking over at me and away from the typed list on her laptop.

"What if we don't have to?" I say again, reiterating my previous point.

"What do you mean?" She asks again.

"You've got a white dress in your closet right?" I say, trying to bring her closer to the point.

"Yes?" She says, stringing out the word as she tries to catch my drift.

"Are you serious? About going down to City Hall?" I ask her, the final piece of the puzzle waiting to slide into place.

"Of course," She tells me.

"Then let's do it, let's go down to City Hall, tomorrow morning, I'll call them tomorrow as soon as they open, we'll go tomorrow afternoon," I tell her, my excitement growing by the second as the concept of marrying the love of my life creeps closer and closer.

"Really?" She says, a glimmer in her eyes.

"Yeah, what do you say?"

"Let's get married,"

* * *

 **Erin**

"We're really doing this aren't we?" I say nervously as we stand in front of City Hall, a slight breeze blowing under the skirt of my dress, swirling around my legs, the madness of Chicago playing out in front of us on LaSalle Street. To the rest of the world, it's just another day. Every year before this, it's just been another day. But today, today this is my wedding day. Today is the day that I get to marry the love of my life.

"We're really doing this," He tells me with a big smile, pressing a kiss onto my forehead. "You look beautiful Erin,"

"You're not so bad yourself Halstead," I tell him with a grin.

Yesterday after Jay brought up the idea of City Hall wedding, we gathered the short list of people we knew we wanted there, Hank, Will, Hannah, and Kat. I do feel pretty bad about Celia, Emily, and the rest of the unit not being able to be there, but I wanted it small, maybe we'll celebrate with them later. But after getting all of them to agree to meeting us at Chicago City Hall at 4 PM, I went straight to my closet.

I was sifting through all the dresses in my closet and I found the perfect thing. I don't know why I bought it because I can't ever remember wearing it, but it's perfect.

Two capped sleeves plunge into a deep vee, the skirt flowing out slightly and completely backless, the entire thing done in a delicate lace. As much as I didn't care about buying an expensive dress to wear once, I am really glad that I found this gem in the back of my closet.

Jay looks incredible. I'm kind of shocked that he owned this suit, I'd thought I'd seen all of this suits but when he walked out of the bedroom two hours ago, I didn't recognize it. But it looks great, a dark gray suit over an ivory shirt, a near perfect match to the color of my dress.

Early this morning, after Jay called and made the appointment with City Hall, we dashed out of the house to buy our wedding rings. We both picked out each others, so I have no clue what mine looks like, but I trust him and I shouldn't have to wait for too much longer.

I'm so excited though, I couldn't be more excited for this day. I've been waiting for this for so long and it's here, it's finally here. I think I barely slept last night, the butterflies were running rampant throughout my stomach. It wasn't nerves or second thoughts, nothing like that. Just excitement and joy, happiness, so much happiness. It just feels like another piece of the puzzle is sliding into place.

Today, September 22, 2017. It's a day that'll I'll remember for the rest of my life.

"So you just couldn't wait, could you?" Will teases as he ascends up the front steps to where we're standing, Hank only a few steps behind him.

"Thanks for coming bro," Jay says he pulls his brother into a tight hug, the dark gray of Jay's suit contrasting against Will's navy blue, both of them looking dashing as I quickly greet Hannah and pull her into a tight hug, her looking beautiful in a bright yellow dress, a color I'm sure no one other than her could pull off. I didn't think that he would have brought her, but she's his partner and that's important to him. I wasn't about to get in the middle of that, they've got a bond that I won't ever even begin to understand.

"Couldn't miss this," He says with a grin, "Finally convinced Lindsay to marry you,"

"I know right," Hannah chimes in, "Never thought you were going to be able to get that done,"

"Well, I'd say it was kind of a joint effort," I say before pulling Hank into a tight hug. "Thanks for coming Hank,"

"It's my pleasure kid," He tells with a warm grin, "and if I missed your wedding day, Camille would be rolling in her grave,"

"I wish she was able to be here," I say wistfully, suddenly missing my pseudo mother more than I have in the recent past. I guess that's normal, every mom dreams of her little girl's wedding day and Camille was no different. I was the closest thing she ever had to a daughter and she always talked about it with me, telling me all of the fantasies she had that she never thought she'd be able to give to a little girl. And while I don't think this was exactly what she was picturing, I know she'd be happy.

"You know she's looking down on you smiling," He tells me.

"I know," I say with tears brimming my eyes.

"Don't cry kid, this isn't a day for tears," Hank tells me, his hands resting on my shoulders.

"No you're right," I say as I choke them back. "It's my wedding day,"

"It's your wedding day," He says with a smile, "so let's get you married, what are we waiting for?"

"Kat," Jay says with a bit of a laugh. "We're waiting for Kat,"

"That girl is never on time," Hank says with a laugh, "She never has been,"

"It's okay," I interfere, "We did kind of spring it on her last minute, besides she's not late yet. You two were just early,"

"Hey so were you!" My soon to be brother-in-law argues.

"I never said that there was anything wrong with that," I say with a chuckle as I clock him in the shoulder.

"I'm here!" Kat interrupts, running up the gray stone steps in a gorgeous knee length navy blue dress and matching heels, her signature locks straightened to just beneath her chin, a nude leather tote on her arm, the heels of her stilettos clicking along with her, "I'm here, I'm here,"

"Nice of you to show," Jay teases as Hannah gives him a quick slap on the back of the arm.

"Hey watch it Halstead, I've got a five month old baby boy and he seems to think he's allergic to sleep, you are lucky I showed up at all," She fires back. "And you," She says as she comes over to me, her voice instantaneously softening, "well you look beautiful, always knew Erin Lindsay was going to make for a blushing bride,"

"Thanks K," I respond with a smile as she pulls me in for a hug. "You ready to go in?"

"Almost," She says as she pulls open that bag of her, much to my confusion as I wrinkle my brow.

"What are you doing?" I ask her as she digs through her bag.

"I knew you weren't going to remember, but you insisted on doing this on my wedding day, so I'm going to do it for yours," She tells me, "take your shoe off,"

"What?" I ask, very confused but complying as I pull of my left shoe.

"Put this in," She says, handing me a penny as she continues to dig through her bag. Of course, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a penny in her shoe. On her wedding day, I was the one who found her mom's hairpin, the brand new earrings, lent her her favorite pair of my shoes that I knew she'd stolen at least hundred times, stitched the blue heart into the inside lining of her dress, and remembered to throw a penny at her right before she left the bridal suite. Now she's doing it for me.

"Okay here's my veil, that'll work for borrowed," She says as she pins the bird cage within my loose chestnut curls, not even giving me time to think. Not that I'd refuse any of it. "Put these in," Kat instructs as she hands me a pair of soft blue studs. "I bought them this morning, so it'll work for new and blue, Hank did you grab what I asked you to?"

"Sure did," He says with a twinkle in his dark eye as he pulls out a diamond bracelet from his pocket, something I instantly recognize as Camille's. My eyes start to tear up almost instantly. "She wore this on her wedding day, she told me the day that you brought Jay home that she wanted you to have it the day you married him,"

"She knew," I say with a smile.

"She knew," He repeats with an even wider grin. It all feels so surreal, six months ago I was single, absolutely no romantic prospects. Yesterday, I was sitting on my couch talking about a guest list and setting a date, but today, I'm marrying the love of my life. I'm getting married. It's funny how life does that sometimes.

"Okay," Kat interrupts. "Are we going to get this show on the road?"

"Yes!" I say with glee. "Let's go,"

"C'mon baby," Jay says as he grabs my hand, "Let's go get married,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed that chapter!**

 **Please let me know what you think and as always, my PM box is open for questions or comments.**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	16. Twinkle Lights

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I know it's a little short, but I think you're going to like it. Please let me know what you think down in the reviews!**

* * *

 ** **Jay****

I'm getting married. It seems insane. I've thought about this for so long, since the day I walked out on her, the day that I would get to make Erin Lindsay my wife and it's here, it's finally here.

It was unexpected and way faster than I thought it would be, but I wouldn't change it for the world because it's perfect for us. It's not flashy or big, it's just us.

"You sure you want to do this?" I ask Erin, her hand held in my lap as we wait outside the clerk's office, my knee bouncing up and down.

I already had the big wedding with the giant dress, it didn't work out too well for me," She tells me, giving me one of those beautiful smiles, her dimples popping out, "This is what I want, I promise,"

"Applicants Halstead and Lindsay?" We hear, a woman popping her head out from the doorway of an office.

"Right here," I say, jumping up out of my seat and leading Erin towards the small room, Kat, Hannah, Hank, and Will right behind us.

"Alright so who's the lucky guy today?" The judge asks as he looks over at Erin, the white dress and veil pretty obviously giving her away.

"That would be me," I say raising my hand.

"Well congratulations," She says as she gets up from behind her desk, "Let's get you married." I'm not even listening to the judge anymore, just looking in Erin's eyes as the background noise flutters around us.

"Did you guys write your own vows?" Judge Edgerton asks, snapping me out of my daze. I look over at Erin, I know that I could recite about a million things I love about her off the top of my head, but it's her call.

"We did this kind of last minute, but I guess we can wing it? Short and sweet?" She offers with a smile.

"Sounds good," Judge Edgerton says with a smile. "Would you like to start Erin?"

"I guess so," She says with a small smile, "Jay Halstead, love of my life and pain in my ass," She starts, leading the rest of the room to burst out into laughter, including me and the judge. "I promise that I won't always hog the driver's seat and that I'll try to keep up with your military level standards for cleanliness because I love you. You complete me, the last piece of my puzzle. You stepped into my hurricane all knowing and all willing, so thank you for that, for all of that," I smile as she delivers her words to me. If being with her means being in storm for the rest of my life, I would willingly do it. Besides, I'd like to think that she's the eye of the hurricane.

"Jay?" Judge Edgerton asks, turning her gaze over from Erin to me.

"Erin Olivia Lindsay. I've loved you since the first day that I saw you on the South Quad in front of the bell tower." I can feel myself start to get choked up, but I power through it. "I loved you for those four years we had together and I loved you everyday for the six years that I lost you. And now I'll get to love you for the rest of our lives." I finish, giving Erin's hands a quick squeeze. It all seems so surreal, this day, everything about it, how we got here even. All the pieces lined up so perfectly.

"Do you have rings?" She asks, calling both of us back to attention.

"Uh yes," I say as I pull the two boxes out of my pocket, handing the dark blue one over to Erin.

"Alright, Erin please repeat after me," She says. "Jay, I give you this ring,"

"Jay, I give you this ring," She starts, her words flying through my mind.

"As a reminder that I will love, cherish, and honor you," Judge Edgerton continues.

"As I reminder that I will love, cherish, and honor you," She tells me, a smile on her face as the ring is held tightly between her fingertips.

"In all times, in all places, and in all ways till death do us part,"

"In all times, in all places, and in all ways till death do us part," She repeats, sliding the perfectly smooth silver ring over my knuckle, the foreign coolness somehow feeling natural against my skin.

"Alright now Jay please repeat after me," She says again. "Erin I give you this ring,"

"Erin I give you this ring," I say, almost exactly repeating her words.

"As a reminder that I will love, cherish, and honor you,"

"As a reminder that I will love, cherish, and honor you," I say, my eyes sparkling as I deliver the words that will forever change my life.

"In all times, in all places, and in all ways till death do us part,"

"In all times, in all places, and in all ways till death do us part," I finish, slipping the matching wedding band on her finger, her engagement ring finally accompanied by the last piece of the puzzle.

"Erin Olivia Lindsay, do you take Jay Patrick Halstead to be your lawfully wedded husband?" She asks.

"Yes," She says with a smile as big as the world.

"And Jay Patrick Halstead, do you take Erin Olivia Lindsay to be your lawfully wedded wife?" She asks, turning her head towards me.

"A million times yes,"

"Then by the power vested in by the great state of Illinois, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may-,"

I don't even wait for her to finish before I let my lips crash into hers, not even caring about anyone else in the room. In this instant, it's just me and my girl.

* * *

 **Erin**

"We're married," I repeat for what feels like the hundredth time. It just doesn't seem real, I just have to keep repeating it to myself.

"Yeah babe," Jay says with a laugh, "that isn't really going to change,"

"Well you never know, I could divorce your ass," I tease.

"Well you could, but you won't," He says with a laugh.

"True," I say with a smile as I look over at him. I'll get to look at that face for the rest of my life, I get to wake up to that face for the rest of my life.

"Oh you're getting a call," He tells me, breaking me out of my trance as I notice Celia's name flashing across the screen on the dash of my car.

"She can wait," I whine.

"You just got married and she wasn't there, answer the call," He says, immune to my advances.

"You're too nice," I say, giving him a quick slap on the arm, though complying with his request as I answer Celia's call. "What's up C?"

"Well congratulations," She squacks into the phone.

"Thanks babe," I say with a wide smile, looking over in Jay's big blue eyes focused on the road.

"So I'm going to need you to drive on over to Hank's,"

"What why?"

"You didn't think you were going to be able to this without us," She says with a laugh. Jay and I look over at each other, his eyebrow cocked.

"Oh Lord what did you do?" I say with a sigh.

"Don't worry about it," She assure me, "Just show up to Hank's okay,"

"Alright," I say, still unsure as she hangs up the phone. "You want to go?"

"Well what I really want to do is take you home and take that dress off, but if we skip out on this, I think we're going to be hearing about it for the next twenty years," He tells me with a laugh.

"We're going," I say with a kind of disappointed sigh.

"Yeah, yeah we are,"

* * *

"So we don't have to stay forever right?" I ask him again as we pull up to Hank's house, a bunch of white balloons tied to his mailbox. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but all I really want to do right now is just go home and be with Jay.

"Babe I think you're going to want to stick around," He tells me with a smirk.

"How do you know that?" I tease.

"Well I just might know what's happening," He admit as he pulls the keys out of the ignition.

"You in on this, aren't you?" I tease as I get out of the passenger side of the car.

"Who do you think told Celia and Em?" He tells me as he joins me again at the bottom of the walk.

"Oh Lord," I say, leaning into his sigh.

"Don't worry," He assures me, throwing his arm around my shoulders, "I think you're going to really like it,"

"Well I trust you, Celia not so much, but I trust you," I tell him with a grin as we walk through Hank's unlocked front door.

"Where is everyone?" I ponder aloud as I look around, his house surprisingly empty.

"Not sure," He says, seeming genuinely confused at this point. "Check out back maybe?"

"Smart man,"

"You married me," He teases, nudging me as I swat him again.

"Oh shut up," I exclaim as he presses a kiss to the top of my head.

"Congratulations!" Everyone shouts as we walk into Hank's backyard, effectively pulling me from my trance. As I look around, I realize that Jay's right, I won't want to be leaving here anytime soon.

They did an amazing job, twinkle lights strung between the trees, all the leaves beautiful shades of orange and red, setting the mood perfectly with lanterns sitting everywhere, jars full of flowers hanging off the wooden fence and dangling on twine from tree branches. And no matter where I look, I can see someone that we love.

The unit is blending in seamlessly with my friends, Adam telling Callum and Mason bad jokes as Reese gets tossed in the air by Kevin, Hannah egging him on and Kim standing there with a disapproving look on her face, while trying to stifle her laughter, Hank and Al just watching over all of it with Ben by their sides.

"Oh my god," I murmur softly as Celia and Emily run up to me, pulling me into a giant group hug. "Guys this is amazing,"

"Well, we had to do something," Emily tells me with a huge smile, "It's not everyday that our girl gets married,"

"And of course, we do have thank Jay for cluing us into all the times and your dad for letting us take over his backyard,"

"Well it's incredible," I say as I step back from the two of them. "Thank you," It really is gorgeous.

"It was our pleasure," Emily assures me, "We just wanted to make sure you had the perfect day,"

"You did good," I tell them, "You all did," I say, turning my gaze back towards my brand new husband. Husband. It sounds so weird, I have a husband. Woah, and I'm a wife. But I think I can get used to this.

* * *

"So," Jay says as the two of us dance in the middle of Hank's stone patio filling in for a dance floor, twinkle lights strung between the trees lighting the whole space. "Am I'm going to convince you to take my last name,"

"I don't know," I say, teasingly thinking it over in my head. "I do love Lindsay, but Erin Halstead does sound pretty good doesn't it,"

"Best thing I've ever heard," Erin Halstead, my students won't call ms Ms. Lindsay anymore, I'll be Mrs. Halstead. I'm a Mrs. now. That's weird, but I think I kinda like it. We just stay there for a minute, swaying to the music as the breeze blows around us, carrying the sounds of chatter and laughter from everyone that we love.

"Thank you," I say as I stare up into those blue eyes, his strong arms wrapped around me, inhaling that familiar scent.

"For what?' He asks.

"For loving me," I say simply.

"It's been my pleasure,"

* * *

 _Take me into your loving arms_

 _Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars_

 _Place your head on my beating heart_

 _I'm thinking out loud_

 _Maybe we found love right where we are_

* * *

 ** **Unfortunately, this story is coming to an end. I've loved writing this and I am so grateful for the insane response that I've gotten over it. But all good things must come to an end and I will be posting a epilogue for this story as soon as I can get it written, but that will be the last of it.****

 **Thank you to all of you that have been reading this since the start and to everyone else that's jumped on the train along the way, I'm so thankful for all of you.**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	17. Epilogue

**So here we are, the final chapter. There will be a very long and very cheesy note at the end of this, so up here I just wanted to give a quick disclaimer that all information in this is not guaranteed to be completely accurate. I did as much research as I could, but the internet can only provide so much compared to personal experience. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy the final installment of Break Me Like a Promise.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

 **Three Years Later**

"You ready for this?" I ask, my hand clutching onto Jay's as we stand in the gate at Midway getting ready to board the flight to Wilmington. This day has been a long time coming.

About a year after our wedding, we decided that we wanted to adopt. We both always knew that we wanted kids, even though I couldn't have them. It still stings, knowing that we wouldn't be able to do it the same way of my friends did, but I can't change it so I just had to move to accept it.

We talked about it for a long time and through surrogacy is an option and the best one for a lot of families, we knew that domestic adoption was the route we wanted to go. Especially with my past, it just adoption just felt like the right way to go for us, everything coming full circle.

So we contacted an agency, and once we completed the home study and the seemingly endless amounts of paperwork, we finally became an actively waiting family on the site. It took a long time, every day that the agency didn't call was another punch to the heart. But one day, I'll never forget it, April 3, 2020, seven days short of my 31st birthday and almost exactly three years after Jay and I came back into each other's lives, we got a call.

They told us that there was a woman who saw our profile on the site and she wanted to get to know us better, that she thought we could be good parents to her little girl. We didn't know what that meant at this point, but we knew that it was good. So we emailed her, using the account name that the agency gave us and when she told us her name, I knew that it was perfect. Anna. Her name is Anna, Camille's middle name. If that's not fate, I don't know what is.

So nearly four months later, we'd exchanged countless emails, spent several late nights on the phone and we'd gotten to know her so much better. We didn't know her last name and we'll never to get to meet her in person, but she's giving us the most priceless gift anyone could ever give.

Jay and I prepared as much as we possibly could, buying every baby product we could find and so much more, freaking out about the color of her nursery and spent nights pouring over the perfect name for this little girl. As her July 22 due date came closer and closer, the anxiety grew as we waited for the phone to ring, telling us that Anna was in labor and to hop on the next flight to North Carolina.

But instead of a call, on July 22nd we got an email from Anna telling us that the baby was late and we were going to have to wait just a little bit longer. So we waited and it felt like forever. Then, July 30th, I was sitting at Emily's around their newly built pool, sitting around a chatting as her kids flew limbs all over the place into the pool, I got the call. I almost burst into tears, from shock or joy or relief, I'm not sure, but I was there and I was crying.

I called Jay and he could barely understand me, but I think I got out that I was going to the house to grab the suitcases and files and files of papers we've had ready since like July 1st and I was coming to the district to get him. And then we we're going to go to the airport and fly to Wilmington to meet our daughter. That brings us to here.

"You have no idea," He tells me, pressing a kiss to the side of my head as we advance towards to the gate agent.

"I'm nervous," I tell him, my hand crinkling my boarding pass. I was feeling okay until we got the call, but since then I've been overthinking everything. That me being infertile was some kind of weird sign that I just ignored and the universe is going to punish me. I'm trying to convince myself that it's just my anxiety, that most moms are anxious about the birth and I don't have to do that part so I'm freaking out about this. It's not working that well.

"Don't be," He assures me.

"I know, but it's just, this has been a long time coming. What if she hates me?" I ask, for some reason putting forth my most irrational fear. There are so many other things I could have brought up. I'm scared that I'll fail as a mom. That I'll do something to mess her up. Most of all, that I'll be like Bunny.

"She isn't going to hate you," He tells me. "You're her mom,"

"Some kids hate me," I argue.

"Erin no they don't, you're a first grade teacher. Children love you," He assures me.

"But what if this one doesn't?" I say again, clearly driving myself crazy.

"She'll like you," He tells me again.

"How do you know that?" I ask, moving closer and closer to the gate agent.

"I just do," He tells me, signalling me to stop freaking the hell out because we have to see the flight attendant now and I can't look like a total crazy person as I freak out.

"Enjoy the flight," The blonde woman tells us with a warm smile as she scans our passes and hands them back, her name tag reading Delia.

"It's going to be fine," He tells me as he pulls me into his side for a quick hug as we walk down the jet way, "It's all going to be fine,"

* * *

If I thought I was nervous at the gate and on the plane, I don't know what I'm feeling now. We're sitting in this little room in the Maternity Unit of New Hanover Medical Center, that infectious smell of babies all around us, mixing strangely with the strong scent of antiseptic.

Our adoption counselor Heidi brought us here while she went to talk to Anna. Because of the terms of our adoption, we can't actually meet Anna face to face and our communication has been limited to emails, conference calls, and pictures. While I would love to meet this woman in person, I know that we have to respect what she's asking of us.

Since we can't meet her, we're here, waiting for Heidi to return to the room with both a nurse and our newborn baby girl. Grace Lindsay Halstead. It took us forever to come up with her name. When we found out that Anna was having a girl, I told Jay that for her name, I wanted her to have my name in there somewhere. I dropped my maiden name when we got married, but I do still love Lindsay and I wanted her to have that piece of me with her.

But her first name was a little more of a challenge. There were so many women that we wanted to honor, so many people that we wanted our daughter to represent with her name. So after many nights of talking back and forth, making lists and crossing off names, we came up with Grace.

For me, I wanted her to have a piece of Camille and we both decided that we wanted to discreetly honor her birth mother in her name. The obvious choice, of course was Anna, her birth mother's name as well as Camille's middle name, but we wanted to go further than that. We looked up the meaning and it turns out it means grace, both of us instantly falling in love with that name.

A little unexpected perk was that Hannah's name also happens to mean grace. I know Jay would never mention it, but I know that he would love to have Hannah somewhere in there. I know they got off to a rocky start, but over the past three years they have saved each other's asses more times than I can count and they have become closer than I could have ever imagined. So that's her name, and if she can carry on even part of the legacy that all three of these women have created, she's going to be just fine.

"Erin, Jay?" Heidi says as she pokes her head in through the door, "You ready to meet her?" I instantly sit up a little bit straighter in my seat.

"Yes," Jay says eagerly as he reaches over the gap between the two chairs to grab my hand.

"Okay, give me a minute, I'll bring her right in," She tells us with that bright, bright smile.

"This is it," I say breathlessly. These are the last few seconds of my life before I become a mom. These are the last few seconds of my life before I'll know my daughter, a chapter of my life is ending as I begin a new one.

I take a deep breath and squeeze Jay's hand tighter than I think I ever have before as the door opens, sucking all the air out of the room as her bassinet is rolled into the room. Before I can even see her, my breath catches in my throat, the tag on the end of her basket reading Baby Grace Halstead. This is real, she's not just an idea anymore, she's real. She's here. She's ours.

"Say hi to your baby girl Mama," Heidi says with a wide smile as she places my daughter in my arms for the very first time. I feel my heart skip a beat as I look down at her. She's absolutely beautiful, a few pieces of dark, almost black hair peeking out from the bottom of that baby pink hat and big green eyes staring up at me, that baby smell just radiating off her tiny body. She doesn't look anything like Jay or I, we knew she wouldn't, but she's ours. She's our daughter, our gorgeous girl. And as I look into her eyes, all my fears and anxieties melt away, a certain peace falling over me and I know that everything is going to be okay.

"She's beautiful," Jay says. I can hear him getting choked up. There aren't many things that can make Jay Halstead cry, but I can tell, he's only just met her and she's got him wrapped around her little finger. He is going to be at her mercy until the day he dies.

"I'll give you a minute," Heidi says quietly as she slips out of the door, neither of us really paying attention as we stare down at this gorgeous baby girl.

"We did it," I say, breaking my gaze from Grace for one second to look up at Jay. "We really did it,"

"Yeah," He says, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Welcome to the family Gracie,"

* * *

"Babe wake up," I hear from Jay, his shoulder nudging me. Oh Lord I fell asleep. I promised myself I wouldn't, that I would stay up the entire flight with Grace. But I guess that didn't go as planned. After ten days in Wilmington, and endless paperwork and lots of sleepless nights, we were finally allowed to go home. But I'm exhausted. Grace isn't sleeping great, which I expected because she's a newborn, but I didn't realize just how much we were going to be up in the middle of the night.

"I fell asleep," I say disappointed as I turn to Jay, Grace sleeping soundly in his arms. "I'm sorry, I wanted to be awake to help,"

"It's okay," He assures me, "baby girl slept the entire time, I think we might have an avid traveler on our hands," The entire time that we were in Wilmington, I was freaking out about flying home with Gracie. It's not a super long flight, but still, she's eleven days old and neither of us knew how she was going to react.

"Well I'm glad, I didn't want to leave you hanging there,"

"Don't worry about it, besides we're just about to land. You want to hold her?" He asks.

"You know I do," I say with a smile as he lays her down into my arms, Grace making those cooing noises that we've learned she tends to make in her sleep. I smile down as my girl, my eyes floating between her, my husband, and the city skyline outside our window. We're bringing our baby home. It's a surreal moment, a moment that for so long I never thought would happen, the reality not setting in through descent or landing or taxi into the gate. But if this is a dream, I don't want to wake up.

"If you're visiting, please enjoy the wonderful city of Chicago and everything it has to offer, and if you're on your return trip, welcome home," I smile and start to tear up as I look at the little girl sleeping against my chest, the familiar buzz of activity all around as we dock into the gate. But for me, it's so much more than that.

"Welcome home Grace,"

* * *

 **First off, I want to give a huge shoutout, giant thank you, and big virtual hug to everyone who has sat down and read this story, left me a short review, and favorited and followed.**

 **I started this after I was feeling a little Linstead deprived this season and I didn't think that anyone would actually like it, but you guys have blown me away with your response and I cannot thank you enough for that. I've loved writing this story and out of all my fics, this was the one that I was always the most excited to sit down and write for and I've had such a good time with it.**

 **I know you that some of you guys are slightly disappointed that I'm ending this story, but I do feel like this is a good place to wrap up their story and that I have brought them full circle. Also, a little shameless self promotion, you can head over to my page and read three of my other stories that are currently in progress (The Thoughts and Prayers of Yesterday, Coming Home, and Once You Say Goodbye).**

 **But once again, just thank you to everyone that has read this story because it has meant so much to me and I am so grateful for all of you and for one last time, please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


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